Talkback: Please don't feel sorry for my 'only' child

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  • I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with our first baby, and already people are talking about the 'next' one! Friends and family! We have always said that we would love to have one baby - and I'd really like to be able to finish making and enjoy this one before people start making further plans for my womb! 

    When we tell people that we'd only like one child, we are assured that we'll 'change our minds' once baby is here! Considering I've always felt this way, I very much doubt it! My sister gets even stranger comments when she says that her and her husband dont want any at all! 

  • I always saw myself having a big family but things were taken out my hands when I lost my son, my daughters twin. It was before we left special care, so the birth was horrific at 31 weeks, to my son dying of a virus they caught in hospital 6 weeks later. Then 2 years on my husband left us for the other side of the world, with my happy and sad, raising a child alone. I clearly haven't met my Mr Right since and I have now passed 40. I am devastated. I'm not sure how I could have coped with having another, but at the same time it could have been the best thing for me. My daughter now, 9, is feeling the loss of her only brother, twin, and that kills me. Its a new awareness, and she sees all her friends loving their siblings (most of the time). Maybe its a twin thing, but she is happy, outgoing, done a huge catch up job and is amazing representing her school in sports you name it, but she will not do anything in the house without me, despite my best attempts, and its suffocating, not that I would change it for the world, she is my miracle and my saviour, but its hard, and lonely. I'm sad she hasn't a companion, but know now anyway, she wouldn't get that sibling effect if I was to bump in to Mr Right by some miracle tomorrow!
  • We have a 3 year old and decided a while ago that he would be our one and only. Luckily both husband and I are in agreement with this decision. People constantly ask us though "When are you having another one?" and when I tell them we won't be, they look at us shocked and surprised! Why should it be shocking if we decide to have just 1 child though - the general reaction is annoying. We love devoting all our time to him and just him without distractions. He is social and outgoing still and learns about sharing at nursery with children his age and older and he is still learning social skills. It can be a bit intense at times as he wants me to play with him all the time when we are home which is tricky when you have washing to do etc. but its about finding the balance. He can and does play on his own happily. We all have plenty of space and wont outgrow our house and I just don't think I have the energy to start again with a baby! We are happy as the 3 of us but it is still the stigma that is attached to this and the reaction of others when we say he will be an only child.

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