My child won't go to sleep unless I'm lying next to her: what should I do?

System · Jun 26, 2020 10:46AM

My child won't go to sleep unless I'm lying next to her: what should I do?

What should you do if your child can't get to sleep without you next to them? It can be a habit that becomes harder to break as they get older, but we've got tips from a child sleep expert and our mums on some things to try if you're keen to make a change...

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RichardC · Jun 26, 2020 10:46AM

My daughter is 7 now and used to go to bed beautifully. However, since we moved to a bungalow 4 months ago, she refuses to go to bed without one of us being in her room. She is very anxious about someone climbing through her bedroom window at night. This has been going on now for 4 months and is massively affecting our time together as a couple in the evening. It is becoming increasingly stressful. It's every night!
Please, if anyone has any suggestions they would be received very gratefully.

HelenMFM · Jun 29, 2020 10:04AM

Thanks for your comment, RichardC. And we're sorry to hear your daughter's having trouble getting to sleep since you moved. We really hope things improve for you all soon.

René83 · Jan 11, 2021 10:47AM

My almost 3 year old son also used to sleep so good and in his own room. About a month ago a bug flew into him while he was in bed and since then he is terrified to be alone or to go asleep on his own. He is now afraid of so many things and can barely play alone in a room. I have tried everything but he still takes 30-45min to fall asleep before I can sneak out. He is clingy the whole day, his mom needs her evenings for herself

IANSMOM · Jan 22, 2021 5:28AM

My 19 month old has always cried when he was on his crib. Dad always gave in. And now he has his own room, and he leaves every night to come to jump in our bed. I need sleep, my husband needs sleep, my baby needs sleep. But we cant sleep. Mg baby will sleep for a few hours and then wake up and ask me for my arm and so on. HeLp. We are sleep deprived.
We tried it all. And now our neighbors complained of my baby crying....
Baby doesn't seem to know how to soothe himself....im a defeated mom

Vdhsleep · Jan 25, 2021 10:51AM

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DeniseC · May 9, 2021 11:02AM

Hi ! I’m a very frustrated mom and I just don’t know what to do. My baby girl had reflux so she got used sleeping in my arms. Then, when she grew up, she would fall asleep in my bed and then I was moving her into her crib..until she realised I do that every night, so 4 months ago she refused to sleep alone during the night. I switched her into my bed and things were fine. We never had a problem with afternoon nap, she would happily climb into the bed and go to sleep alone. But 5 days ago, the terror started ! Our neighbours are having their house under construction and she started to get scared of the noises they make. So she woke up crying and she would climb into our arms whenever she heard a noise. She wouldn’t let us work during day (pandemic, working from home) and suddenly she refuses to go to sleep by herself. She starts crying, yelling and asking for me or my husband to lie down next to her. It’s really frustrating because we never had this problem before and we usually are in the meetings when she goes to sleep at noon. What can I do to help her ? I’ve tried white sounds to hide the surrounding noises, I’ve tried talking to her and telling her everything is fine and she’s safe. I even tried putting her to sleep and let her cry. If I lie down next to her, she’s asleep in like 10 min. Nothing else works...

HelenMFM · May 11, 2021 5:23PM

Oh no, you poor thing Denise! We can really understand how frustrated you must feel.
It sounds like the building noises are making your daughter seek reassurance from you. How long is the construction going to be going on for?
If it's a short-term thing, you may just have to hang in there till it's all over.
If it's a long-term building process, it may be that she'll get used to the noises and you can gradually withdraw at nap times.
We wish you luck with it all!

DeniseC · May 13, 2021 6:40AM

I really don’t know how much it’s going to take but I’m pretty sure it’s going to take a few months. Unfortunately she starts crying when she knows nap time is coming 😞 This morning, noises started around 6.30 am and she woke up so scared, that she immediately jumped into my arms. During day, she keeps telling me she hears noises outside but I try to ignore it, so she understands there’s nothing wrong with hearing noises. She’s going to kindergarden in 1 month and I’m afraid she’ll have trouble napping there. Before all this started, she was so happy to nap and would happily climb into the bed and go to sleep all by herself..

HelenMFM · May 13, 2021 2:18PM

Oh we're so sorry to hear this DeniseC. We do know how hard it is when established sleep routines get tipped on their head – and everyone gets tired and upset.

We're not sure what work your neighbours are having done but, if they don't mind and – crucially, if you can do this REALLY safely – how about taking your daughter to their house and showing her/talking to her about what the builders are doing and how the tools they are using are making those noises? Maybe if she can see/understand what's making the noise, it will seem less scary?

Good luck with it all.

Tiredmum78 · Sep 29, 2021 1:34PM

I'm exhausted all the time. My 6 year old daughter has spent the last year sleeping with me because of nightmares. We've just started trying to get her back in her room but I have to stay til she's asleep and most of the time she's crying out for me at 2-3am. Then if I put her back in with me she wakes me up every time she has a bad dream and wants a cuddle. Any help would be appreciated. She has a routine but I've found the earlier she goes to bed the least likely it is she'll sleep through

My child won't go to sleep unless I'm lying next to her: what should I do?

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