I feel cheated...

I know this is a very weird thing to think, and i feel guilty for thinking it, but I feel very cheated that I had a premie baby.

Finlay was born 9 weks early, and i just miss being pregnant so much. I dont think i truly appreciated how fab it was - i loved my growing bump, the kicks, eating what i liked and generally feeling quite good (i know, i was very lucky!).

We were so un prepared when he came - i was on holiday in another country. My hubby missed the birth completely, which i am still devastated about, I missed my baby shower, I didnt get to do all the lovely things i had planned for the last weeks of my pregnancy, or use my hypnobirthing that id so enjoyed doing. Im jealous that i didnt get to term and have a baby with no problems, and jealous of people who don have to keep correcting their babies age. Im gutted that i had to give up breastfeeding because he wasnt putting on weight well enough, I just so wish this had all gone more to plan.

Im still in the UK (where Finn was born accidnetally) but am returning to the middle east next week for the first time in 3 months. Im looking forward to being back with hubby and having life again as normal, but im going to miss my mum so much and i feel so unsettled.

Sorry, no need to reply, just wanted to let it out. Im actually feeling broody for another baby - not because i dont love and adore Finlay but because i think i want to be pregnant again.

Does anyone else feel like this?



  • Firstly congratulations on the birth of Finlay!
    I understand completely hun. It took a while for it to hit me-months after Grace was born (she was a 32 weeker due to pre eclampsia). I think at first I just wanted her out of scbu and home. But I think that you need to give yourself some time to grieve for the end of pg that you didn't get if that makes sense.
    How I felt made me feel quite guilty because I had a lovely healthy baby (now 5 1/2!) and it all could have gone so badly wrong and I was lucky to have her. But I found a pre eclampsia website where people were talking about the need to grieve for what they had lost pregnancy wise and I think that once you can acknowledge that and grieve for it you can put it behind you.
    I hope this makes sense and that you are able to get through it soon. Perhaps when you return home it might help you.
    Good luck.
  • Hi Romeo,
    Yes I do know how you feel. My LO came 5 weeks early. I never achieved a full on preggers bump and still have bump envy even now 18 weeks after birth when I see friends with lovely proper baby bumps.
    I had a little pang of sadness this week when I met my cousins baby at 3 days old. She was asking me for advice on feeding and how much my LO fed at the start - well of course I couldn't tell her because at that age LO was in an incubator on a drip. It did make me sad, but then I look at my baby girl and see how well she's doing and it passes.
    I also felt broody when I met the little baby this week - trouble is so did hubby...then sanity kicks in!
    Enjoy being back with your hubby and living a normal life.
    Take care
  • oh hun this all sounds sooooooo familiar and I am 2.5 yrs post my premmie arriving!

    You really do have to grieve the end of pregnancy and no one who has not had a premature baby will understnad that! I hate that I missed out on the end of pregnancy, on getting really big, on having a bit of maternity leave to myself before baby arrived (I went into labour at work!), being totally prepared, going baby clothes shopping WITHOUT a baby etc etc etc. It still drives me mad now when I hear people at the end of pregnancy moaning about how they just want baby out - they would NEVER say that if they knew the what having a prem was like! I am now 35 weeks preg with my second and LOVING every minute of these extra weeks that I didn't have last time, even tho I am hot and uncomfy and getting sore but I LOVE IT!

    Please don't feel silly for feeling cheated it is entirely normal in this situation!
  • My lo wasn't born that premature. My waters broke at 33 weeks and gave birth at 34 weeks. I felt cheated as well, we had made plans, the inlaws changed plans for holiday so they would be in the country. In the end my waters broke 2 hours after they left on their cruise. No support at home, except my oh. I must say lo was born ok and was only jaundiced and didn't need the scbu.

    I felt cheated of the last few weeks, some time to myself, time to decorate, time to clean and tidy, time to enjoy the last few weeks. I was jaleous of other people with their bumps and felt the need to get pregnant again. The need was overwhelming. Only after a few months I was able to leave it behind me.
  • Hey Hun

    You are totally normal to be feeling like this. My LO was born 12 weeks early when I was just 28 weeks and I still feel that way now sometimes seeing PG women!

    I didn't get to go to any classes, buy clothes, have maternity leave before the baby ame, I expressed for 4 weeks and then had to stop due to persitant mastitis, which was a tough decision and broke my heart. I felt I had already let her down by having her so early and then to not b able to feed was even worse!

    And I totally get the whole wanting another baby, I feel like that too, just so I can get to do the last bit properly! I wasn't even really showing a lot when I had her, and I am desperate to have a big bump, and a baby shower and do all the normal baby things, and not worry about 6 lots of medicines from a syringe etc.

    So, anyway, now I have rambled on, we all unerstand how you feel and it is totally normal! xxxxxxxx
  • You are not alone in your feelings!

    I feel totally the same hun, ever since Amelia was born (13 weeks ago) i have missed being pregnant even though it was horrible at the time as i had SPD, endless sickness right up till the end and wishing June to come so soon! I loved my pregnant belly and despite the sickness i actually looked good, the kicks and wriggles were great and they are the biggest miss from the pregnancy overall..! We spent 8 weeks in SCBU and it felt like a lifetime, i seriously started to question what i had done so wrong and the guilt took over me, i found it really hard to bond with her in SCBU as she still didn't feel like mine, it's only since we have come home that i reallt feel that overwhelming love and adoration for her image

    Like you we were totally unprepared, we had loads of clothes but little else and definatly nothing that we would actually be needing like a crib or pram, i was expecting to be enjoying my last few weeks of pregnancy picking these out...Hmmmm! My hubby too missed the birth after needing a GA, i felt so guilty as i didn't even know i had had a baby, i thought i was still pregnant when i came round..!

    I can't imagine how you must have felt being so far away from your hubby and in a totally different country, especially not being able to go home and surrounded by your home comforts! We spent out first 10days out of hospital with my mum and i missed her so much as she was my reassurance that i was doing ok, no doubt you are going to miss having your mum around but you are going to be home soon and you will feel settled in no time im sure!

    As for breast feeding, Amelia still will only take expressed milk from a bottle so im still feeling like a milking cow, cannot wait to get to 16weeks and start weaning her onto formula as getting up every 3hrs to express even though she sleeps well at night to make sure i have enough milk, is doing my head in, literally i have forgotten what decent sleep is! Is Finn on nutriprem?! Amelia is having one nutriprem2 feed at night to help her pile on the pounds and the readymade cartons are a total godsend..!

    Finn is totally gorgeous and you are definatly a yummy mummy! image


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