being "lucky" with children's genders.

is it just me? it might be! im prepared for that :lol:

i fnd it incredibly insulting when peole say things to others like "arent you lucky to get one of each sex!" and "they were lucky to get a boy and a girl!"

i have a much loved daughter and, if i had another daughter i wouldnt consider myself unlucky. in fact i can see myself with 3 girls. will people, should i have another 2 girls, be saying how unlucky i am behind my back etc? ive mentioned this to my husband and he's with me, any baby is fine! (although i might come to regret that if i have a house full of teenage girs one day!)

am i reading too much into the use of the word lucky when referring to gender? or is it actaully how i read it that people think you should have one of each and anything else just isnt good enough? or that everyone actually wants one of each, when i dont think everyone is that bothered.

then i wonder if it's down to experiences in pregnancy. having had one chem preg and an mc maybe thats why i just want a baby.

what do you think? have you had one of each and been told how lucky you are? did you feel lucky? did you want one of each? were you just glad you had a healthy baby?


  • It's weird isn't it? I think I have actually said this myself but I feel incredibly lucky to have one child! I know people who have tried for years and cannot have a child so I am absolutely blessed to have my little girl and if another came along no matter what sex I would also feel very lucky and blessed! I guess if you have one of each people just see 2 kids, one of each as perfection and if you have kids of the same sex people will always ask 'will you try for boy/girl next time?' but those who have one of each they just presume your family is complete!
  • Hey.

    Personally I always say to people things like "oh that must be nice!" or "that's lucky!"

    Whenever I'm chatting with someone and they say how many children they have and what gender and whatnot, I always say how lucky they are and how lovely it must be... Just because having simply any child is lucky and lovely.

    But that's just me. :P

  • i agree. i have a friend starting the adpotion process now after a few years of trying and mcs along the way. she really doesnt care abut gender at all!
  • I got this a LOT when DS was born and it makes me want to punch people. My DD was very ill after birth and we nearly lost her, and she has ongoing problems as a result. Therefore I consider myself 'lucky' to have her at all, and 'lucky' that she is so wonderful, and after three losses between her and DS, very very very 'lucky' to have carried a healthy baby to term, not had any medical dramas, and have the two children I always dreamed of.

    That anyone sees fit to focus on the configuration of their genetalia is a bit rich, frankly!
  • It took me what felt like a lifetime to conceive my DD and now I am ttc no 2 I'd feel blessed and, yes lucky, just to have another baby. It is weird though - I can definitely see myself with all girls x
  • This annoys me alot. I have 2 gorgeous girl's and we are very much happy as a family of 4 but people always frown when I say we aren't having any more children and no we aren't going to try for a boy!Why?We wanted to have 2 children we are lucky to have 2 children and I don't see how having 2 little princesses could be unlucky in anyway at all...I actually couldn't imagine adding a boy to the mix.x
  • cute!!!!

    glad im not alone then!
  • I get the problem the other way around, like ILMG2!

    I have IDENTICAL twin boys, who are very much loved, but you would be surprised at the amount of people who ask first if theyre a boy and a girl (urr, theyre wearing blue and LOOK like boys!) and then frown/roll their eyes etc (I even had one person apologise!) when I say theyre both boys.

    I get annoyed with people that ask when im going to have another 1 and 'gloat' that it 'might be twins again!' Just go away and leave my family rearing decisions to me and my husband!
  • I have one of each and hear this all the time and people do presume that thats it for me now because I have a boy and girl but I'm 23 and would like another in the future and people look at me like I'm mad does kinda get on my nerves that because they think it's perfect that I should just accept this to
  • I think it is "lucky" to be able to experiance being a mummy to both genders but also lucky to be able to be a mummy to a child in general- there are different degrees of luck and I hope I never insulted anyone I told them they were lucky to have one of each- to me that would be lovely (as would having 2 girls but in a different way) I really dont think people can ever say the right thing as they'll always upset someone. I think comments should be taken in the spirit in which they're intended and sometimes people just say things because they are making small talk x
  • Yea i feel lucky to just have two children who are beautiful and healthy - i do feel extra lucky to have one of each sex and i do think its lovely to experience having one of each - i always wanted a big brother when i was growing up but didnt have one so i always wished (as a young teenager) that when i had children i would have a little boy then a little girl - and thats what happened - we are all blessed to have children no matter what sex and i would have been just as happy with 2 of one sex image
  • the thing is, the spirit in which the comment is intended is that's it is better to have a child of each gender. thats incredibly insulting. it might be nice to have one of each, but not unlucky to have 2 of the same sex.

    i guess though for some people it is small talk, but the person i was referring to says it like it is an important thing. some people might just be making converstaion, others actually do believe that it is what everyone wants and you'll have an empty feeling if you dont get the other.
  • dipanddazzle i have 2 older brothers (and a younger sister) and growing up with an older brother didnt have any advantages!!!! he once... and this brings tears to my eyes remembering... put one of my christian slater posters on ... his dart board! :x he once put books on top of his bedroom door and called me in to his room. he blamed me for his chicken pox and wouldnt speak to me for days. he told me grotbags lived near us so he wouldnt have to take me out with him and his friends when our mum tried to make him. he told me a very different boy who cried wolf story which ended with the wolf being where we were and wanting to eat me. he also dabbled in local politics im sure just to embarrass me! brothers smell too. :lol:
  • we already have a boy and expecting no2, i have had a few comments about how it would be fantastic if it was a girl, like it wouldnt if it was a boy?

    i have no preference of the sex and i didnt with our first either which people find very weird, i just HAD to want one more than the other surely? a healthy baby just isnt a good enough answer for some people
  • This annoys me too- I hade 2darling boys followed (3.5yrs later) by a girl.

    When I was preg with ds2 I did get the feeling that to be expecting a girl would be the perfect thing - especially as my sil had one of each. But it's absolute crap - I was so happy to have another boy - the first thing I thought is that ds1 will have a broither! He was (and still is) the apple of my eye and I was so so happy to have two little boys together.

    I now have my baby girl - but if she had been a boy I wouls have been just as happy! How fantastic is 3 children!! Boys or girls - it makes no odds! I think people are just so used to having things 'to order' they forget what a natural phenomenom childbirth is!!

  • sama as cakeface, i have a boy (21months)and a girl (17days!) and ever since we found out when preggers that our second was a girl i've had people saying how lucky we are, how we must be so pleased and assumming that we don't want any more now we have one of each...gets my goat...yes we are lucky, lucky to have two healthy children regardless of gender, and of course we're pleased, but so would we have been with another boy (infact until we found out at 20weeks i had thought it would be nicer for ds to have a little brother so they could be proper buddies as such a a small age gap), and yes actually, we would like another, at least one more infact, possibly two...and the worst thing is that the people who say it genuinely think that that is how i feel, which i don't, and i loathe the fact that people must've been thinking we were hoping for a girl etc...since dd arrived i've been stopped in tesco on more than one occassion by random people to admire our newborn, which is lovely, but i find it incredibly annoying that one of the first comments every time is 'oh, how lovely, one of each' argh! x
  • HI, just popped across from toddler for a nose and found this interesting

    I have one boy (3yrs) and when I was pg I wanted a boy, not a girl and I got my wish. If I was to have no. 2 I wouldn't care what I was having, both are a miracle but secretly I would want another boy!!! My sis has 2 girls and 2 boys and the girls are complete nightmares!!! and so are most of the girls I know!! For me personally I find boys easier and more of a joy but then i'm not a girly girl and find boys activities more fun!!

    I think we're lucky to have them all!!
  • When I was expecting DD2 everyone assumed I would want a boy as we a lady had a girl but I was perfectly happy with a second girl and we have a third I'm happy either way. Prob even leaning toasted a third girl tbh! Although a third healthy baby is where I'd really feel lucky as I don't ever take the miracle of being blessed with two healthy babies for granted. Interestingly though my DH is obsessed withnthe idea that a boy would give us the "other perspective" whereas I just think they are all individuals no matter what the sex so no two of your children will present you with the same experiences it's different every time image
  • Having any baby - regardless of gender is lucky. It means your blessed where some women aren't.

    I think, people see having one of each as "lucky" as it sort of completes the set. You know that vision in some people's minds of the parents, and a little boy and a girl...

    I have 2 boys and LOVE them sooo much and I am so very lucky to have them.

    I'd like a girl, but thats because I want to have some female company in our house!! I think I'm destined for boys anyway and that is fine by me!! xx
  • OOOHH I'm the same real pet hate of mine but I always get, so you have 2 boys I bet you really want a girl now and I'm like eh actually no I am o blessed to have my two wee princes and if I am lucky enough to have another child then I'll just be glad it comes along safely. I got it all the time when I was pregnant with ds2 as well and it done my head in I felt like shouting ffs I had 18 months of trying and various delightful tests, stress on my relationship etc etc I couldn't give a fook what I have as long as it's healthy and thankfully he arrived ok and god he is fab and if I had the choice to change him for a girl - wise up never in a million years I love my wee boys xx (edited to say I say this as people have actually said while I'm stood with my youngest - do you not wish you had have had a wee girl??!!!)
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