Furious - but not sure its my place

well not so much furious just really really sad. A guy at works girlfriend is pregnant and they have already had one abortion in the 8 months they have been together and she had her 12 week scan today. Everything was fine but she has decided she is not ready and wants another abortion. It is happening on tuesday. i think that abortion has its place but its the flippancy that gets me, "we are going to get rid of it" was the wording and i just wanted to throttle them. We are desperately trying tcc2 and failing again and i seriously want to ram their heads into the wall to try and make them see sense - use a flipping condom.

I think about that perfect little baby and hope it doesnt hurt when they end its life - do you think it does - cant get it out of my head


  • I just cannot imagine someone going to thier 12 week scan and seeing a perfect tiny baby and then afterwards thinking, nah lets just get rid. It disgusts me. I too believe that abortion has its place but I truly do not believe that the law was written to accomadate thus type of flipancy and yet it happens all the time. If she can't be arsed with the pill or condoms there are lots of other kinds of contraception that she can get sorted so that she doesn't have to think about it and won't end up in this situation again.
  • Know what you mean, there's plenty of contraception choices out there if they don't want children right now. People like this make me so angry as I waited 13 years to have my little miracle and that was after my 4th IVF.It's always the way you see it though, the people who don't really want or deserve children conceive at the drop of a hat and the people that are desperate to conceive are faced with disappointment every month.

    I'm not sure but I hope they don't feel any pain. Poor little mite. image
  • these people obviously have serious issues esp deciding to do it AFTER seeing a healthy baby, surely having been through it before they would be aware of the problems of leaving it that late?
  • I think its bizarre that someone can go to s scan and see something like that as disposable. How could she let it get to 12 weeks before deciding not to have it?

    I know I will be strung up for saying this but I hope that when the selfish little witch does finally feel ready to have children she can't.
  • a guy from my work and his girlfriend did exactly the same thing a few years ago. they've kept the scan picture but aborted as they weren't ready. he told me that after i had my 12 week scan and i felt really uncomfortable having just seen my little baby jumping on the screen the day before. i can understand people not being ready but contraception choices are there for that reason. i cant understand making that decision after seeing tangible evidence of a healthy baby. i guess it just emphasised the point to them. :?
  • That is so wrong, I too believe abortion has it's place, absolutely but to get to 12 weeks, SEE a perfect little baby, no doubt hear it's heartbeat and THEN say I'm not ready let's get rid of it is, IMO vile! I wonder how many terminations she's had with previous partners.

    It may be the wrong thing to say, but I absolutely agree with you lottieNH x
  • they split up 2 weeks ago - but i still cant believe they saw a healthy baby today - just cant stop thinking about. Feeling a little bitter about the whole situation
  • I can see why your sad.

    How very immature of those two people. And to broadcast it too...?

    I mean, it is her body. Her decision. No, you don't have to agree with it or like it - but you cannot force someone like that can you?

    But, like you said, you are TTC - and they are so open about their decision. It is very disrespectful.

    I never, ever would treat life (or "getting rid" of life) with such carelessness.
  • i agree lottie
  • OMG I just cannot get my head round how someone can do that. I too understand that some people aren't ready but to see it moving around inside and then just decide to kill it. To me - the 12 week scan is when it becomes a real baby. Poor thing - it really has brought tears to me that.

    And twice now in the 8 months they have been together is just inexcusable. IMO abortions shouldn't be allowed that late just because they don't want it (I obviously understand sometimes there are exceptional circumstances - but just because they aren't ready is not good enough.)

  • Clearly using abortion as a contraceptive, some folk seem to take life with a pinch of salt.. Maybe they wouldn't if they desperatly wanted a baby but couldn't. Idiots like them dont deserve to have children.

    It's not hard, use a frigging condom (scuse the wording)

    We can't use anything bar condoms, if one broke I would take the morning after pill, the morning after, even though it gives me thrush. We have plenty of sex and have for years and haven't fallen pregnant bar in the two months we tried, condoms work, can't understand why people don't use them!


  • I'm so annoyed at the lack of respect of a life aaaaaaah I'm jus looking at my ds2 on teh monitor and thinking how could they get rid of what will be a little person.

    I could rant on but I'll end up getting into a rage - pair of dicks
  • Jeez, what appalling behaviour. Agree with the poster that said surely these two can't be right emotionally. psychologically, etc to make this decision (and be so brazen about it) AFTER seeing their baby. I'm all for freedom of choice but, like faithie says, legislation should really try to eek out irresponsible and selfish idiots like this.
  • Having my scans have been some of my best memories ever!

    I think it's very sad, in my area of work I meet people who do this all the time, one woman actually told me that as she saw it abortion was free, why should she pay for condoms, I was livid, you can get every type of contraception free including condoms from a nurse at your GP's or at tue family planning centre!

    I think that the laws on abortion need to be reviewed so that people don't take advantage!

    I still struggle to come to terms with the fact that in this country abortion is legal up to 24 weeks (obviously if mothers life is at risk or there is something wrong with the baby that is a very different thing and shouldn't be called abortion but medical intervention)

    When I miscarried at 20 weeks and have to go through labour to give birth to a perfect just small baby boy I struggle to understand how anyone could put themselves through it when carrying a healthy baby!

    Just my opinion, I do honestly believe abortion has it's place, but not after you've seen your healthy baby dancing around at 12 week scan!


  • That's a very very sad story - I am totally pro-choice, however I find it bizarre too that they would broadcast that to people - and the couple who kept their scan photo - very sad. Like someone said, clearly there are issues there. Not going to comment on their decision as you never ever ever know the whole story, but broadcasting it is odd in the extreme.
  • I am totally with you Tennison, i am very pro choice also but it does seem very flippant to broadcast it as they did.

    Saying that, i dont know them and i dont know the story behind their decision. I guess its their life and their decision - as sad as it is....

  • I find it really hard to control my temper around people like this.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with them summer, I can see that it must be an upsetting situation for you to have to hear about.

    At 12 weeks the baby won't feel any pain. I sort of view abortion as a socially necessary evil, but in this case I could comfort myself that at least that baby won't have to be born to such utter pillocks of 'parents'.
  • sorry to be so crass but maybe she should keep her legs closed then!!

    stupid horrible people!!
  • i spoke to the "dad" today. He was quite upset and has said he will support her 100% both with his time and money. He has told her that if she goes ahead with it he will never speak to her again and wouldnt even want to see her. So i actually felt quite bad for him today.

    I djust dont understand it as she told all her family at christmas. He said that at the last abortion which was early and they both agreed it was too early (grrrrr use a condom) she told people that she had a miscarriage which makes me even more mad.
  • To be fair to them (bearing in mind you know the ins and outs better than me) contraception does fail, and it's scary when you're in a new relationship.

    I fell pregnant with my DD less than 3 months into a relationship because my Pill failed. It was quite terrifying, but I was determined to go it alone and raise her as a single parent if her dad didn't stand by me.

    Luckily he did and he is now my husband and we have another child. So sometimes it all works out well in the end!
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