bf'ing and hen night - dilemna

Hi girls, just looking for some oppinions and hopefully reasurance.

My brother is getting married in 6weeks, I am being bridesmaid. Obviously it's expected that I'll be going on the hen night, being her SIL and bridesmaid...

Now, clubbing isn't my scene and I don't drink other than the odd glass in the house. Despite this, I would make the effort to go out... BUT I'm still bf'ing my 5month old. He HATES bottles whether it is breastmilk or formula and won't take them, and he still wakes in the night twice to feed. They aren't going out locally so are staying in a hotel. Now, I don't want to go image because of my baby.

Even if I spent a few nights getting him used to the bottle and trying to make him take one... When out clubbing I'm still going to have to take my breastpump and somehow manage to express when he'd usually have a feed. This isnt really possible baring in mind they'll probably be out 7pm - 3am. Also the thought of hubby ringing me, saying Fin is starving and won't drink, and me being an hours drive away is awful.

My SIL has taken it as a given that I'm going, and I'm going to have to tell her otherwise and I'm dreading it. I'm so worried they won't understand and that I'm going to get judged for not making the effort or w/e. I just don't know how to tell her.

Am I being unreasonable or practical? Should I worry about telling her or will she understand!? Don't want to upset her, but nor do I want to spend a miserable night out, and have hubby and baby miserable at home.



  • You are doing the right thing. One day your SIL will become a mum (hopefully) and then she will appreciate how hard it is.

    I was in the same boat as you. I BF my last baby till she was gone 2!!!! To me her needs came first. They are only small for such a short time so dont worry about enjoying the baby time you have while you can.

    Why not be upfront with SIL. Tell her you are so sorry but you just cannot be away from Fin for that long. Ask her if she can do another hen night locally that you can attend? A nice meal out so you dont feel obliged to club it! If she stamps her feet and gets upset then thats her perogative. Hopefully she will understand that you have thought long and hard about it.

    Please though dont feel guilted into stopping BF before your ready.

    Good Luck

  • I assume your SIL doean't have children yet - possibly she won't understand, but like mum to many says she will one day! I don't think you're being unreasonable, I agree that I can't see that it's that practical for you to go (although obviously if you wanted to, Fin would take a bottle happily etc then I'd say go and enjoy your evening). Have a word with your SIL and explain that you hate to miss it but .......

    Maybe you could arrange something a bit different for the two of you for another time, or maybe you and other bridesmaids, that is a bit more breastfeeding mum friendly - is she having a wedding shower, or a bit of a pamper day or something (could just be at home, doesn't need to be expensive) so she knows you are interested?

    BTW, I went to my sister's hen weekend and hour and a half away from home when ds was 13 months, so sleeping through and no longer breastfed, and it was still so hard to go (he was at home with hubby), had it been anyone other than my sister I wouldn't have done - had he been much younger, still breastfed etc I wouldn't have gone, she'd have to understand that my baby comes first.
  • I would just be honest and explain the situation hun. Being a mum I completely understand, but as the other ladies have said she may not, as I must admit before I was a mum I probably would not have appreciated the situation. Maybe you could offer to take her out for lunch or maybe for a little pamper (facial, or nails done), and have your own mini hen night with her, that may be a compromise? HTH xxx
  • How about, if she doesn't understand - you take hubby and your LO with you to the hotel (not sugesting either go to the club!) then you can just feed him, then go out for a couple of hours, and get back in time for his next feed? Also - you'll be close by if DH needs you.

    I know it's not exactly inkeeping with the hen night spirit - but you could give her the choice (if she doesn't understand you not going at all).

    When I got married my SIL (and bridesmaid) wouldn't come to my hen night, because of her little girl (15 months at the time) and I was really hurt, (I didn't say anything, because I knew that I couldn't understand how hard it was for her - I didn't have children then) I couldn't help thinking that she was using her LO as an excuse because she just didn't want to come. I think I would have been a lot more understanding if she had tried to think of compromises.

    Obviously you have to put you LO first, and please don't even think about messing about with breastfeeding just for this. But at the same time, remember - she'll only ever have one hen night, it should be special.

    Just thought I should offer a different pespective.
  • I have a similar situation. I too am being bridesmaid for SIL to be and she has organised a hen night at her aunts house about an hour away. Now it would be fine and I would go as luckily my daughter will take expressed milk from a bottle but my husband and I will be leaving her for the first time that same morning to attend a baby first aid course and husband then has something that he has to be at that evening which was prearranged. So I'm not happy to leave her in the morning and then the evening too with someone else - even though that someone would be my mum. It's hard and you don't want to disappoint but you have to do what is right for you and baby. I was just honest and explained the situation and luckily SIL just said that she completely understood. Hopefully yours will too. xxx
  • I was in a similar situation and did what nikkiandneil suggests - hubby came and we stayed in a hotel nearby so I could come and go as I pleased. He called whenever he thought LO needed a BF. If you could do this you won't risk hurting her feelings maybe? x
  • just to add, my dad and brother came on my hen do. they arrived with us, went to some bars while we were having a meal and a dance class, then joined us in the club! my dad had a tshirt saying hen nght security on the back image
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions