Why does she keep getting rejected :(

Firstly please let me apologise for putting this in the baby section of the forum but this is where my friends are that get me through the trials of having a new baby. However on this occassion it is my older daughter that I need your suppost and advice about.

She is 4 and she is one of 7 that started school in January. The rest of her class started in September. Not my choice to start in Jan! Now her twin sister is very sociable and has settled in really easily and plays with anyone. But my other daugher came home 3 out of 4 days in the first week saying she had been crying as some children had been picking on her for wearing glasses. Since then I've asked her how she's getting on and everyday she says she hasn't played with anyone. She tells me of little incidents where children are shouting at her to go away etc. I had a word with her teacher who is so layed back he's horizontal who says he hadn't noticed her not fitting in but would keep an eye on things.

Both girls went to a party with the class so I thought I'd hang around and watch how she fits in. You could see she desperately tried to play with the children but no one was interested. At one point even the birthday girl pushed her 5 times to get her away when she wanted to play. My daughter just took it on the chin, smiled and turned away as if she's used to this kind of reaction...bless her! I was heart broken! I came home went straight into the bathroom and cried. I've been on the verge of tears ever since.

I just don't know what to do. I feel totally useless! She seems happy enough going to school but how do I get her to fit in and have more confidence. I never imagined she'd face such things at an early age. She's such a pretty thing but has to wear glasses and also a patch for some of the day so is obviously different from the rest.

I feel devasted that I don't know how to help my baby girl. :cry:


  • Oh Hun I have no advice sorry but I'm sat here in tears at your post!! Really hope your little girl makes some lovely little freinds soon! How heart breaking xx
  • Hi hun,

    Could you mention the party incident to the teacher and tell him to help your little one make friends by involving her with others during school work and maybe give a "lesson" about tolerance, I'm sure they do this type of things even at an early age.

    Your daughter sounds like she is doing fine despite all of this, bless her. Is her sister in the same class? Do they play together at school?

    At the end of the day, if you don't think the teacher is helping, I would speak to the headmaster. Children can be cruel whatever the age, and I think it is fundamental they learn about respect and not bullying others from a young age.

    It makes me quite sad to read this, please keep us posted on how she is doing.

  • Oh that's terrible, children can be so cruel!

    Maybe I'm confused but if she has a twin there, could they not play together? I'm sorry I don't know what else to suggest but maybe post in the toddler or older children forums too, so that you can get more replies, it doesn't hurt to cover all bases when you need help like this.

    My god, I really hope this passes soon for you all xx
  • Okay LONNNNNG reply!!

    i would go back to school and explain that while you "appreciate" they have kept an eye on the situation, you feel something more needs to be done. explain that you have seen the behaviour of the other children with your own eyes and it is making you feel desperately sad for your daughter.

    Now.... the school can't MAKE the other children play with your daughter but if it were my class i would be having a little chat about how everyone is different, some have brown hair, some have red, some people are tall, some are short, some are good at maths, some are good at drawing, some people wear glasses, some don't.... BUT that everyone is just the same underneath. i would then encourage them to be kind to each other and invite each other to play if they see someone with noone to play with.

    I would suggest to the teacher a similar chat. i have in the past told my class it was unacceptable to be unkind to each other and that i would be checking if someone had been kind to them (i did something called "tell a good tale" so tht children could give a star to someone who was not their best friend for being kind to them... when everyone had given their star away we got a reward and we started again!)

    Could she invite someone to play after school? - maybe her twin sister could go to play somewhere else to play the same night then the friend would enjoy playing with your wee girly and it might spread to school... it is basically an exercise in PR on your and the schools behalf!

    there is lots and lots i could suggest, and feel free to inbox me if you want any more suggestions!!
  • I totally sympathise with your little lady. I had to wear a patch and had milkbottle style glasses from 3 and school to start with was a nightmare...it didn't help that I was slightly on the opinionated side haha but still, there was the obvious differences that other kids picked up on.

    Does she have to wear the patch during the day at school? Maybe you could have her wear it at night instead?

    One thing that helped me was that my mum let me go to girl guides and other children from other schools were there and gave me another social circle. When I was older I also went to an athletics club that broadened my horizions. So why not try an extra curricular?

    Also, try to remember that she is only 5 and although its heartbreaking to watch, she will develop friendships within school but it may take a little longer if she has a different personality to her sister. Although I was teased I did have a few friends so its not like I spent my school years alone and I'm sure she wont either bu if you are worried I would deffo look into other classes and things she can do at the weekends to help her with social skills and just generally having fun.

    I hope things ease up for her my mum often mentions how upset she was about it but if im completley honest, I don't remember it THAT vividly and those who did annoy me (bar one who is now a very successfull football player..grrrr) are all tossers with no or very mundane lives
  • If this was my daughter I would...

    ...do as above and speak to the headteacher...or at least someone higher/with more brain cells than current teacher

    ...ask twin sister to include her twin at break etc

    ...take her to dance/guides/trampolining/gymnastics to see if she can make friends there

    ...ask both twins to invite one friend from the class to take bowling one night and keep doing little things like that and soon everyone will want to be her friend!!

    ...get speaking to other mums...i bet there are other children who are also shy/finding it difficult to make friends that you could organise a play date for

    hope it gets sorted...this sort of thing breaks my heart!! BUT you will find a solution and your little girl will be happy x x x x x x x x x
  • So sorry that your little girl is having to go through this, it breaks my heart reading your post image my ds1 is 4 in March and started pre-school last October and one of my biggest worries was that he would be too shy to make friends, but he had been to private nursery previously so settled straight into school and does seem to make friends pretty easily. I don't really have any suggestions other than what everyone else has suggested already, but please try not to worry too much cos your daughter sounds like an amazing and strong little lady if she is coping so well in such a cruel situation. She will make friends hun but if she is shy she may just take a while longer, which I know is no consolation right now, but just keep reassuring her she is wonderful and will make friends (as I'm sure you're probably doing anyway cos you seem like a brilliant mum), and just continue doing what you're doing cos you sound like you're doing a fantastic job.

  • Oh hun that's heartbreaking image

    I was going to suggest what the other ladies did! And definitely bring up the party with her teacher...I'm just sorry I can't add more.

    Really hope this is all resolved soon xxxxx
  • Oh this has broken my heart! I think all the other ladies replies are really good ideas- she really does sound like a strong little girl and I really hope this gets sorted out quickly xx
  • Bl00dy kids! :x This make me so mad. I think everyone else has given great advice so I just second it. Particularly the advice about seeing a more senior teacher. I know they can't control everything that goes in on the playground but as a teacher myself I know they can be hugely integral to how the students treat each other. I so hope this gets sorted soon xxx
  • awk the poor wee chicken I would have cried too.

    OK but repetitive but I would -

    - go back to the school and like some one else said have the teacher do a wee talk about every one is different

    - ask her sister to play with her more and to stick up for her too as in, if some one doesn't let her play and he sister is playing with that person her sister could be saying we should all play together and be friends ( not saying her sister is leaving her out at all but she has a built in defence system in her lol)

    - if her sister is friendly with other wee girls so that you are talking to their mums tell them too, in general conversation, they are at the age where most mothers on hearing that would prob have a wee word with their own daughters to include her without them being old enough to bully her for this (ykwim if it was 13 year olds and their mum said they had to play with some one a they were left out it would prob lead to further abuse but not at this age) You'll find too that mums would not want their child to be the one excluding OR for it to happen to theirs so they should help a bit

    - also it could be that as the others started in September there are already wee clicks and the kids may be just need a wee reminder from parents (as above) and teacher that they are allowed more than one friend

    - when is their birthday?? obv it would be ideal if it was close as you could have a wee party OR you could have a wee valentines party as it gives an excuse but just invite the wee girls round to make valentines cards have a wee dance and a munch (not sure how many are in the class!!) but as a one off it it helped her to develop a wee affinity with at least one wee girl it would help??

    My heart goes out to you its a worst nightmare isn't it kids are so bloody cruel, you'd think too at the party the birthday girls mum wouldn't have said something to her daughter (she may not have seen it I suppose too as she would be busy) but if it was one of mine I would have told them off for pushing a wee child away and they all do it now and again, mine included, even though I'm on at him all the time to include everyone image
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