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Upset and frustrated with the in laws

Hi Ladies,

Sorry but I need to rant about my in laws... They're making my life hell!

I have a 3month baby boy and they expect me and husband to take him round to there's everyday... This isn't possible my husband doesn't come back from work tiLl 7.30 by the time we'd leave the house it would be 8... We decided that we'd go once a week...

We went round last night... My FIL had just eaten a spicy curry and touched my Lo face (last time he did that my lo ended up with chilli in his mouth)... My fil snatched my lo out of my arms had proceed to tease him which resulted in him crying... My in laws found it funny that he was this point I started to get very upset... I took him back and calmed him down... My fil snatched him again!!!

My lo got even more worked up... My fil turned round and said ???????ill shut him up??????? and plonked him in front of the TV... My lo was hungry and tired but they refused to give him to me...

I finally managed to get him back still crying so my fil decided to put a piece of milky way in his mouth!!! And take him off me again!!

At this point he was screaming and held his breath... I had to grab him and get him breathing again.. I'm so upset!!!

My husband sat thru all of this and didn't say anything... I hate going round...

Sorry for the rant... My family and friends live up North so I am very lonely..


  • Dont go! That is stupid dangerous behaviour, and if they weren't family you probably wouldnt have your baby anywhere near? He is your baby, explain your rules and stand up to them x
  • I wouldn't go. I wouldn't have anyone snatching my baby from me and winding them up into such a frenzy. It's so hard as if it were your parents you could let rip but if I were you i'd hacve it out with hubby and let him deal with it.

    Failing which I would be v firm next time and if he goes to grab him i'd hold onto him and say he's happy where he is. Sorry but these people sound like idiots x
  • My goodness,just do not stand for this behaviour.

    Ive been through hell with mine too.Ive wanted to rant so much in born in aug but hubby knows what im called on here.I dont think he would find me in this forum but if he does SO WHAT!!

    Mine were fantastic through my pregnancy when everyone else was stressing me out.Izzy was 7 days late and everyday after my due date i got phone calls from people asking 'ANY NEWS'. It seriously started stressing me out but they were great.

    Things started when izzy was about 6 weeks old. Firstly Izzy was breast fed so it was all down to me to feed her so i was knackered. Hubby does shifts so he has never got up with Izzy early morning (she is 9 months and has got up with her once)

    They suddenly came round one day and MIL started crying saying that she didnt feel like a grandparent and they dont get to see Izzy much! After that i dragged myself out of the house for walks with her and tried to do my best considering i had a new born baby. This wasnt good enough and she caused more trouble. Izzy was about 8 weeks old and iain went round to there house by himself and came back saying that they were really unhappy because they didnt get to see Izzy (they wanted to see her EVERY WEEKEND.) I felt like they did it all behind my back so i sent a text to them saying how pathetic they have been (perhaps the wrong thing to do but with sleep deprivation and them causing trouble previously i didnt care.) Within minutes she drove to my house,came in shouting in front of Izzy...actually screaming in front of izzy. I had my say, took izzy upstairs and put her cot mobile on because she was screaming/shouting at hubby downstairs. I told her to leave and i didnt see her for about 2 months.IT WAS BLISS!Izzy was a very clingy baby to me (like all babies to their mummy) and iain would take izzy round and all izzy would do is scream because i wasnt around.

    The whole situation put a huge amount of pressure on my marriage.Iain could see his mums point of view, i was hurt by him for not standing up to his parents,him allowing her to scream in front of his daughter.Even Iain distance himself from me and izzy. I was completely alone and at rock bottom until things got so bad that i nearly left him.I told him how i felt and that i was so let down by him and his family and that i wouldnt stand for it. He eventually saw that i meant business things got much easier.

    I understand that turned into a rant about me but i want you to know that your not alone with these problems.In laws can be complete .......

    Your baby is helpless and needs you to help him out. Stand up to them and do not be afraid. This behaviour is not acceptable. Who gives them the right to do this to your baby?I would be fuming!Do what i did and dont go.They will know why. Have they said sorry? I wouldnt go until they apologise.

    I know it's not much advice but i hope it helps.

    Take care


  • Dear me!!!! It's horrifying!!!! Honestly I would not go!!! I'd be absolutely hopping mad!!!! I would get your little one into a bedtime routine and tell them that he is in a routine and that's that!!! xxxx
  • I can understand why you are so upset - I'd probably have lost it with them. It's not going to be an easy one to deal with if you want to avoid bad blood but you probably have to be the bigger person to do so. I'd have a word with your husband, explain to him how you felt and ask him to talk to his parents about taking a more sensible approach to the baby. If he can't or isn't willing to do this then it's down to you to have a sensible conversation with them about it. You could ignore it but chances are that you'd explode when it happened again and situations like that are hard to recover from - you might be happy never to see them again but that could lead to a whole host of problems in the future!!!

    I agree with the other ladies about not going round of an evening - use your bedtime routine as your reason, it's valid, not an excuse. I'm clear about the fact that bath time and massage are wind down time and when my in laws and my family are round either they respect that or I intend to tell my FIL (it's normally him as he gets over excited) that he needs to turn the volume down and calm down - to be fair my MIL has always stepped in with that before I've had to so far!

    Families are so difficult and it's really hard when you have a clear idea about what you want and what is acceptable and others differ but it's what you want and intend that is important and you need to set it out clearly now to try and avoid further problems in the future. Try the nice way first and hold back the both barrels approach for if that doesn't work!

  • The most important thing in any relationship is to be on the same page, so obviously you need to tell your husband how you feel. This behaviour is unnacceptable. Your inlaws should be there to support you not have you doing the running around.

    How about switching it around and asking them to come to you for a change. Maybe it will work better on neutral ground.

    I know you don't want to upset your husband but at the end of the day you are married so that gives you some leeway to be more assertive with his parents. Being their DiL and all.

    If all else fails try to tell them in a diplomatic way how you feel that getting your lo to "shut up" is not the way you want to operate.
  • they can not expect you to come visiting at that time at night anyway.... like everyone else has said.... your little lo should be in bed and your inlaws should know that! he needs you and to be calm and happy...tell them if they want to see him they can come or you can go to them between specific times when he doesnt need his sleep.

    do not let them take him off you!! please please stand up to them ....they sound awful!

    my in laws are amazing ....but have a very different way of bringing up their kids. i believe in keeping kids calm and giving them a routine and lots of sleep. its taken a long time forthem to understand i wanted to give my lo a nap in the day and not feed them rubbish... but they totally understand why i do these things now.....not to be a smartarse and seem better than them but because i want the best for my kids and thats how i feel i can give it to them.

    i did stand up about it took my hubby awhile to be comfortable enough to stand up for me but its paid off. they live in irelnad and whenever we go there now they totally know and respect how i am going to do things and we get on really well.

    stand up to them and just see them for an hour or so in the day ...if you have to at all!!!

    stay strong xx
  • You have to stand up for yourself and your baby. Talk to your husband and ensure you both agree when you'll go round and what behaviour you'll stand for so you both know the score.

    Going round every night is ridiculous - they can't make you go round. So don't go. Chill out at home.
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