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feeling very overwhelmed and vulnerable now daughter is home
Hi, gosh i haven't posted on here since i lost my firs LO in march 2010 at 10 weeks.
I fell pregnant with twins (naturally) in Nov 10 and my waters broke on my boy at 21 weeks. I made it to 29 weeks before going into labour and delivered a boy weighing 2lb 6oz and a girl weighing 2lb 11oz.
My son died after 5 days due to underdeveloped lungs from his waters breaking.
My daughter was better but still had a whole host of problems including chest drains and a brain bleed.
After 78 days in neo, she came home on tuesday on their 40 week due date.
I'm so excited to have her home but i'm getting these overwhelming feelings that i'm not doing enough for her or that i need to not pick her up/play with her for fear of hurting her.
Its very scary not having sats monitors around and since she has pretty bad reflux she's prone to holding her breath if it hurts to much. This has in turn led to me not sleeping at all since she came home. I manage to get by on a couple of 1 hour stints whilst my hubby watches her.
Is this normal or am i a complete nutcase? I can't stop crying even though i'm totally in love with her and thrilled she's home.
I fell pregnant with twins (naturally) in Nov 10 and my waters broke on my boy at 21 weeks. I made it to 29 weeks before going into labour and delivered a boy weighing 2lb 6oz and a girl weighing 2lb 11oz.
My son died after 5 days due to underdeveloped lungs from his waters breaking.
My daughter was better but still had a whole host of problems including chest drains and a brain bleed.
After 78 days in neo, she came home on tuesday on their 40 week due date.
I'm so excited to have her home but i'm getting these overwhelming feelings that i'm not doing enough for her or that i need to not pick her up/play with her for fear of hurting her.
Its very scary not having sats monitors around and since she has pretty bad reflux she's prone to holding her breath if it hurts to much. This has in turn led to me not sleeping at all since she came home. I manage to get by on a couple of 1 hour stints whilst my hubby watches her.
Is this normal or am i a complete nutcase? I can't stop crying even though i'm totally in love with her and thrilled she's home.
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Replies
I'm sure that everything you describe is a perfectly natural way to feel, especially given everything you have been through in the last few months.
I'm really glad that you have your baby girl home though, hopefully some others will be around soon with better advice for you.
Take care of yourself as well as your little girl
I am G/C too but didn't want to read and run. It is perfectly normal huni, I was a bit like this, my husband was actually a lot worse than me and our baby was a full term (and 9 days!) baby. When they are born, you get this sense of responsibility and I think it is instinctive to want to protect them. As women, we tend to imagine the worse all the time. I would be desperate for DD to sleep, and as soon as she was, I had to check she was breathing. You may think you are over reacting, but given what you have been through it is perfectly normal. I only started to relax when she was about 6 months. As a mum, you will now worry for the rest of your life about her. But you need to sleep though
Crying is perfectly normal, but if it carries on maybe talk to your GP, you have been through a lot and may need some support.
Enjoy your baby girl, they grow quick! My beautiful baby is one today! xxx
I can totally empathise with how you are feeling.
My babies were born at 34 weeks. At 4 days old my daughter developed a life threatening condition and spent 9 weeks in nicu before coming home (the boys came home after a week)
My daughter suffered from terrible reflux and we had numerous visits to CAU. I felt helpless without the nicu staff and felt I was failing her. However those feelings passed and I felt more and more confident as time went on.
Take care of yourself and talk about how you are feeling. You can message me if you like.
S x
I've only just seen your post, wish I'd seen it at the time, as I can remember how scary it was bringing my dd home after 8 weeks in scbu (she was born at 30+3 weighing 2lb 4oz).
Please let us know how you're getting on, I really hope you've managed to relax and enjoy your little girl.
My little girl was still so tiny (4lb 6oz I think) when she came home, and we felt so vulnerable, but that quickly passed and we soon relaxed and enjoyed having her home.
I'd love to hear how you're getting on now a few weeks have passed......
Sending lots of love and hugs. xx
i also have a 34 weeker who has been very poorly.she spent time ventilated and then on the cpap as her lungs very very immature(even though i had had the steroids and she was 34 weeks), 3 and half weeks on she is now out of incubator and hot cot and has no monitors ( which i find scary), still tube feed but has started to have small amounts of my milk from a bottle once a day. she is noe 4lbs and 1 ounce and will hopefully be home at the end of oct(her dd)
i am petrified about bringing her home and cant imagine what i will do when i need a shower or sleep.
please help with any suggestions on how to overcome these fears x
I think that day by day I became more confident with carimg for her, I didn't turn down help- even when it was scary to leave her with someone else I made myself do it so I could wash, sleep etc! I used to put her in her swing seat or moses basket next to me all day and I forced myself to rely on baby monitor for a longer periods. Like id put her in our room for bed at 7 then go and feed her at 10 then go to bed.
Everyday it was easier and now I have a bubbly and confident almost 4 year old!
My second was a term baby and despite being a sleep nightmare! Hence why im posting now! It was so much easier but I still had my anxious moments.
I think it is normal to feel overwhelmed as you're suddenly in charge of something so precious. And even more so because you've been
used to nurse support.
Hope my experience helps. You'll get there!
used
Please try not to worry, instinct takes over and you will be fine. all my four have been premature and the first one was born at 30 weeks 25 years ago. I now have 3 strapping lads and a beautiful daughter and am looking forward to being nan hopefully shortly.