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feeling rubbish

have posted something in breast feeding about this. My LO is 4.5 months and am returning to work at the end of april. I know this is ages away but im having to address this now with my employer as the work rosters are done so far in advance, and i know once ive told her my return date it will cause lots of problems to change it.



My LO has always been a good baby and have always said how lucky i am he's always slept and been a good breast feeder, managing 12 hour stretches from 12 weeks. he's a very happy smiley baby. A part of me felt quite smug about this, i thought it was down to me doing the right things as a mummy - LOL! Im now realising ive fallen into the two biggest traps there are - he can't fall asleep without breast feeding, and he wont take milk from anything other than me. Ive loved this up to now as i adore feeding him and find it as therapeutic as he does.



However, im going back working shifts - ill sometimes miss bedtime and sometimes will be on night shifts. LO currently wakes up in the night about 50% of the time though im hoping this will be much reduced when he's weaned onto food. The fact is my OH is rubbish without sleep, has never had to do any night feeds (due to me breast feeding) and i know LO doesnt know how to settle himself, I don't want OH getting cross with him as it isn't his fault, it's mine image he also, despite attempts to give him EBM in a bottle since being 8 weeks, wont take it. Ive lost count of all the different teats and bottles we've tried and other people have given this a go too. Ive now got him started chewing on a cup and hope by 8 weeks he'll be good enough with it. However, at night a cup is not soothing.



Ultimately i feel he needs me and will feel rejected that ive left him - I really don't want to but we need the money.



am going to a back to work seminar by the health visitor tomorrow and will be asking lots of questions. the thought of work is just hell to me as i know my son will be upset at home. This needs addressing now in good time i know but i dont know what else to do - particularly with the bottle - and feel so sick of worrying about it all the time image

Replies

  • I'm no use with practical advice, but just thought I'd offer some support x You are doing the right thing by thinking about it early enough for him to get into new habits by the time you have to go back. Some other Mums who have been through the same experience will be along soon to help x
  • Hi Alfie,



    Please don't give yourself a hard time for giving your baby boy a wonderful start breastfeeding him & reassuring him his Mummy is there to meet his needs. I believe everything will work out fine & you are doing the right thing thinking about this now.



    If you're comfortable to do so then perhaps begin some other comfort/soothing associations now. Our LO has a soft rabbit toy (a Jellycat one so not too big). we give him this when settling him in his crib & then remove it from him once he is asleep (to avoid suffocation risk & meanwhile we have video monitor so can see him clearly in case he puts it on his face). I think he definately associates this toy with sleep now & it helps him settle. We introduced this in anticipation of removing his dummy in the coming weeks.



    Your LO will learn to sleep through other means - perhaps begin now to feed him then give him to your husband drowsy if possible to rock him, sing him, cuddle him to sleep so it's less of a stress for them both when the routine changes.



    As for feeding I know someone who had a similar problem & perseverence with the bottle worked in the end. Failing that milk from a cup is fine especially if he can be comforted being cuddled by your OH.



    However you work it out your LO will not feel rejected by you. He will adapt to a new routine as all our babies will whether it's needing to be cared for by someone new, change in feeding routine, bedtime etc. He will i'm sure be delighted to have extra special mummy cuddles when you are able to be there.



    Also you wont be alone in this situation. PLease don't feel guilty.



    Good luck



    Linds x
  • Wanted to reply as although my situation's different I can totally understand your worries.



    My LO has very bad silent reflux so feeding can be very painful for him and he needs to be in a certain position, given lots of time etc. As a result only I feed him. He also dislikes certain positions at other times as it puts too much pressure on his tummy - but as this is something people just can't get I'm also very picky passing him to others.



    So like you, the thought of returning to work fills me with absolute dread. I really worry that no one will have the patience with him like I do.



    To be positive though, you are thinking in advance (and things can change quickly with babies) and I'm sure our little ones will be fine without us. I've read stories about reflux babies with oral aversions, intolerances and allergies on endless medication still able to have a happy, positive time at nursery so take comfort from that. You say your LO will be at home so I presume in familiar surroundings which will help.



    Try to enjoy the time you do have together at the moment



    image
  • oh ladies thank you. Am having a few tears from your kind words. The love you feel is just so strong, i just don't beleive anyone loves a child like its mother! My OH got grumpy with LO when he was in his car seat crying once and ive never forgiven him. Don't get me wrong, he loves LO to death and i think he will enjoy the cuddles Linds so we will try this. He just does so badly without sleep!! Im sure we'd be extinct if men had to carry, give birth to and nurture the babies lol.



    I have a couple of those little cloth things with a small stuffed toy on them so might try and bring one of these in. I hadn't thought of giving him to OH drowsy so think i will do this.



    I don't think OH has had the chance to bond with LO in the same way as me, it will be nice for them to sit in the quiet and have a cuddle. Its a special time when they're all warm and sleepy in their sleep bag.



    brunette im sorry to hear of the reflux your LO suffers from - no wonder you are protective of him if he's in pain. im sorry i dont know much about reflux but i wish i could offer you some words of comfort. I guess its hard for us mummies to let someone else in. xxx
  • If you are wanting LO to get into drinking milk from a cup or bottle then try your other half doing this only and you being out of the room. While you are still BF you still smell of your milk and your LO will always smell this. Also it is for when you are at work more you are trying to introduce this.
  • Hi hun



    Sounds like you have a lovely bond with your son image



    My son also didn't want to feed from a bottle, but perseverance was very much the key in the end. He was BF till 22 weeks when we started introducing baby rice. He always woke in the night and even introduced a 2nd nightfeed at 4 months so we did CC with him at 5 months and he cut out both night feeds as he learned to settled himself rather than rely on me feeding him back to sleep. (Not saying that is the answer for everyone, but it worked for us). He also used/uses a muslin to snuggle up to for comfort.

    At 6 months old (in preparation for me returning to work) we gave him various bottles and tried all sorts of ways to feed him, but refused to take a bottle for about a week. Was a horrible moment when he refused to take expressed milk from a bottle from hubby so we had to force it in whilst singing to him and stroking him as he was screaming, but once he tasted it he drank the whole lot! And we never had any issues again.



    Anyhoo, sorry for rambling on. What I was getting to is, that a lot can change till you return to work and your LO will probably behave very differently by then.

    As for the grumpy hubby image My other half is very much the same when he has a disturbed night, but we agreed that he would be on night duty when I had to work the next day and I'd do the others(I'm only working part-time). You are bound to still wake up, but despite what my OH thinks, there is a huge difference between waking up and having to get up! :lol:
  • thanks for your advice spring



    I went to back to work seminar for hv who suggested getting someone else to feed LO in his car seat, facing them. my mum tried this today and it worked! He was cooing and smiling and saw it as a bit of a social occasion i think - hv said to make it totally unlike breast feeding experience so he doesnt associate it with it - different person, facing them rather than cuddled to them. She also said to warm the teat to make it more like the breast but i forgot to do this. I used a MAM teat and a size 1 newborn. Despite him being 4.5 months he's always been fed with a nipple shield and the teats for his age always seem to choke him and put him off - i think he's used to a slow flow from the breast as a result of the shield. He took 3.5 oz (100ml) of ebm im chuffed to bits!



    Now i have to experiement with quantities - im assuming for a pre weaned bubba of 4.5 months 3.5 oz isnt much? It seemed to keep him going for an hour and a half.



    I felt so much better i rang my boss and am going to see her next week re my return. Ive expressed again tonight and he's going to have a daily bottle now.



    The HV also said that children are incredibly adaptable - they learn that different things happen with different people and he will know he cant breast feed from his dad or grandma. I do think the bottle will be so much more soothing than a cup so hopefully this will help with bed times nearer the time when he might be able to have it with a cuddle. She did say worry about it in the weeks up to my return and not now - our feeding cuddles at night are precious. She said how did i know id ever have another baby and not to give this special time up to my employer or stop cuddles with my boy. Also that he'll be unrecognisable at 8 months, etc, feel so much better.



    thanks so much for all your replies xxx
  • Yay!! So pleased Alfie to hear progress is happening already! Keep up the good work. You have a very sensible sounding midwife. Make the most of your lovely boy.



    Well done image



    Linds x
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