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LO hates nursery :(

well, after talking myself into being ok about LO going to nursery at 8.5 months (its only 1-2 four hour sessions a week, being cared for by my mum for the rest of those days) i feel like the worst has happened - he doesnt seem to like it. When mum drops him off he's crying and clingy, and despite being a good eater his report always says he hasnt really eaten. This morning he screamed as soon as mum took him through the door - as if he knew she would leave him, she feels upset that he thinks she's abandoning him and i feel so sad im not there at all!

I think one of the main problems is he gets there about 0900 and normally id be breast feeding him at this time and putting him down in his cot for an hour to an hour and a half. At nursery he sometimes has a bottle (sometimes rejects it) the ladies are very good at rocking him off but as its noisy he'll only have half an hours sleep.

The women insist hes fine once he's slept but mum said she'd never seen him so distressed this morning.

I think its a bad time for him to be left without the people closest to him, plus the lady he has bonded with in the room was on holiday today image

my mum wanted nursery to figure in his day to break the day up for her, and so there was always a plan B as my sister is due in september and mum might need to help out there. He is going again on wed and ive rung them and changed it to afternoon instead. Im hoping if he's had his good morning sleep and his lunch with mum he'll be happier to go after and have a play. he often only needs 30 mins or so sleep in the afternoon and then i can pick him up on my way home from work - i never see him in the nursery setting so its hard for me to judge and it will be nice to pick him up.

What id love is to not bother with nursery while he's so young, but i dont have that option, and ive found a rare nursery that will change with my changing working days so i dont think another nursery or childminder would be an option either. To be fair lo has only gone 4 times and i had a week off with him which made today harder for him i think.

If any of you ladies have any tips on what else i could do please let me know.

On the plus side apparantly he loved painting this afternoon and made his daddy a lovely card for father's day - his first masterpiece!

Just feel a bit wobbly about it all - when i rang the nursery to change they were very insistent he was fine, but im sure they wont actually tell you your child hates it! x


  • I went bk two months ago leaving my lo in nursery 2 full days a week. Its taken until the last 2 weeks for him not to scream absolute blue murder and major guilt trip me. He now goes to any of the baby room girls. These things take time as its a huge shock to them, hope it gets better soon xx
  • thanks so excited. its just hard to think they are having such a huge shock so young, when people say 'a child should be with its mother till its 3' (usually the older generation that didnt have to go back to work) i feel really guilty and try to see what LO has that those children dont - the social side of it etc. I just hope the reality isnt that they are really too young to be with strangers image how old is your LO?

  • Hi Hun,

    Although I am not a mum (until Nov image) I have worked in lots of different nurseries with children ranging from really young like your little one to 3 years old.  I can honestly say that drop off is the worst time for most parents and we did have babies and children who screamed blue murder, but the minute mum / dad was out of sight they were absolutely fine, happy and enjoyed the day.  It will probably take time for him to settle completely and to not cry when he is left but be comforted by the fact the girls say he is fine during the day because I'm certain that is the case.

    Have faith, it will get better.


  • Phoebe took a while to settle in but loves it now.However, she sometimes still cries at the very begining but I think that is just normal. The one good thing about being looked after by someone who isnt mum from an early age is that babies get used to being cared for by other people. They learn that they are loved by lots of people and they learn how to give their love to others too. It makes me feel better knowing that if hubby and I were both unable to look after my Phoebe (for whatever reason) she would be happy with my mum or even my mother in law. Lots of babies I know cry when their mum or dad leave the room. Phoebe only does this when she is poorly. The rest of the time, as long as there is someone she knows with her, she is completely fine. The most wonderful thing about picking her up from nursery is that smile at the end of the day when she sees me for the first time!

  • He's nearly 14 months, i think he's settled more recently as hes walking everywhere too. Socially i think it is good for them, we went to a new soft play last week and he went straight to the other kids shouting hiya. I unfortunately dont get to pick him up from nursery but he goes straight to oh and smiles and kisses him x
  • thanks ladies. feeling better that we are do something proactive (changing to the affternoon slot of wed) without chucking the towel in, it isnt fair of me to ask mum that although some of the stuff she's said i feel like she's on the verge of suggesting it.

    It would make life so hard though and at the moment childcare arrangements are a lot less stressful than they could be.

    henry has only just started with separation anxiety. its not just me, he's totally happy with daddy grandma or grandpa but if he can't see any of us he acts really frightened. i only left him in his highchair at my mums to get some baby wipes, with two members of our extended family and he was sobbing! Id only nipped upstairs and his environment was very familiar.

    so nursery must be truelly terrifying for the poor little fella. they are so kind to him though. I cant wait to pick him up on wed, have a look through the glass when he doesnt know im there then creep up on him! Looking forward to my big smile and him crawling towards me x

  • Abby started nursery for 3 full days a week at 9 months.  For the first 2-3 weeks she scrreamed and screamed and hardly ate a thing, then suddenly she changed and has loved it ever since.  She is now an exceptionally confident 3.5 year old who is articulate and very friendly.  I put a lot of that down to nursery.

    However Charlie didn't settle.  We gave him 3 months so that we knew he had really had a chance and then moved him to a childminder.  

    Every child is different but 4 times is not enough to judge on.  Give him a few more weeks first.

    H x 

  • thanks blondefriend, he's off for 3 to 4 hours tomorrow afternoon which is a good time for him to have a play normally - meals and sleep will be out the way. Keeping fingers crossed.

    I work different shifts and have my mum's and oh's help with him so the hours i need are minimal and change. Therefore i would find it so hard to find a childminder. when he was younger i just used to think he'd love it and be really excited as he was so friendly and fearless. Now of course he's hit the stranger anxiety age and can be more clingy in public. Will keep in touch with how he does.

    It must be a pain for you dropping abby and charlie in different places! But i guess a small price to pay to know they are both happy x

  • Alfie, 

    Oliver has just started with the seperation anxiety. Wierd isn't it. I literally cannot leave the room without him fussing. i have started to ignore him a bit though as today he cried at my friends son who he normally plays with!

    Ollie goes to nursery and it was them that first noticed as he started to cry when other children cried otherwise he loves going. 

    I would say stick with nursery for now and see how it goes if he is really unhappy then reevaluate

    SB x


  • Lauren is 3.5 and still clings but i know as soon as ive gone she settles down and plays.  Is important for her to socialise with kids her own age especially as she will go to school with some of them.  Was really hard at first but kids soon adapt and learn that even though youre leaving them, you will be back to pick them up!

  • well i walked in today to LO in his highchair crying, all the other kids were sat being good, when he saw me he cried more. When i held him he started doing this breathless thing that he only does when he's calming down from crying for a really long time image there was one lady feeding three of them and i just dont think she could get him out just like that.

    On the plus side he had a really good nap and lunch at my mums so he arrived rested up, but he gave my mum a hard time about going, his lip was trembling as soon as he saw where he was! they said he had enjoyed playing outside but overall was tearful - i think a lot washes over them so im guessing he must have been pretty hard work.

    He's going again friday, sadly the week after next we go to cornwall for a week on 1st family holiday - really looking forward to it but it will throw him with nursery. after that though will try and get him going at least twice a week. I hope you guys are right though and he adapts soon. the woman in his room said at their age they dont learn you will be back to get them just like that x

  • we had a much better day! they said he was a different child, chatting, laughing, and ate all his dinner and pudding. When he didnt know i was watching i saw him stood against the table, one sock on and one sock off, shouting orders at the staff and laughing - my heart melted he looked so cute and like he'd found his confidence! When he saw me he laughed then got overcome and started crying. I told him id already seen him laughing but i think at 10 months it was a bit much seeing me there.

    Feel things will get better now, i hope x

  • glad to see he's getting there! will probably still have some really bad days but the staff are trained and he is used to having an on hand slave all the time so i guess its hard having to wait your turn image

  • Phoebe refused to sit at the table and wait for the other babies to finish their food when she first started. She screamed bloody murder because she wanted to be off playing with the toys! The ladies seemed to find it quite funny but I can only imagine the nightmare she must have been! These babies are complicated little creatures arent they?! x

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