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new relationship and pregnant
I need some advice / experience tips. I am 21, my boyfriend is 23. We have only been dating for about 4 months now and I just found out I am pregnant, about 6 weeks. I need to know different experiences with keeping/not keeping an unplanned child in a new relationship. I know it depends on the couple whether they will work out or not, but I need some help. He wants me to get an abortion, and I have always been against it believeing that if I made the mistake of not being safe I would need to deal with it responsibly. I don't know what to do, if I should go against what he would like and keep it, or if it would really be better to terminate.
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Hello cay10, i also just wanted to drop a line or too of advice and support. Your right it does entirley depend on the couple. however in terms of a new relationship, anything is possible; I'm 19 and my partners 21, we were together 3 months when i fell pregnant, we decided to keep the baby, and it turned out being the best decision we could have made.. in the first few weeks there were lots of discussions between us, finacially, emotionaly, i live an hour away from here, so we took moving into account aswell; we also spoke with our parents.. my dad was furious, and against it all for about a month, but he had to get over it.. however my pregnancy ended when i was 5 months pregnant, thats another story tho.. nothing for you to worry about!
You need to really take into consideration that, this is a human life.. someone you are souly responsible for, and forever will be responsible for. Talk to your partner see why he doesn't want the baby, he might just be worried, fathers are usually the sole providers, and that might worry him all a bit much too soon?
Good luck
Annie xx
I think if I was her I would have kept it, but now I've seen how hear life has turned out, I can see that a baby really wouldn't have been right for her or them.
I'm pregnant with my first now, I'm 27, and I'm already feeling like my life's on hold, I can't do whatever I fancied like before. Ours was planned, but there is a tiny part of me that wishes we'd travelled before baby.
Basically I don't think it's at all selfish to put your life first in this situation. The man still has freedom if he doesn't want the responsibility anymore. You have to think about how you would like to live your life, don't worry about what anyone else thinks.
I just wanted to say to think long and hard about the future and work out what you want. Dont let anyone put pressure on you to have an abortion unless you are sure it is what you want. You need to know whether your boyfriend is planning on staying around if you have the baby. I was in a similar situation to your about 10 years ago as I found myself pregnant in a unstable relationship, the father was adament I should have an abortion but I refused and went on to have the baby, I have had to bring him up myself which has been hard at times but also very rewarding too. I had to fight to get him to financially support his son which he does now grudgingly and he chooses not have any contact with my son.
All I am saying is to look at things from all angles, can you live ith yourself if you have an abortion especially if you have the abortion to save your relationship with him then your relationship ends anyway? Can you cope if you have the baby and he walks out? Or if you make a go of things are you both ready for the commitment of having a baby? Try and confide in a friend or someone you can talk to as I found the support of my friend invaluable, also have you seen a dr or midwife yet? If not if you make an appointment to see someone and tell them you are considering an abortion they will help you.
Hi, i am sorry to hear that you are having to make such big decisions in your life right now and i guess you really have to look at the support you have around you if your boyfriend is not interested. If you decide to keep it, who will help you through? Alot of people have babies even younger than you and they make it work ,sometimes it makes them more determined to achieve what they want and they work around a little one and do manage and become very good mums but if you really feel you would not cope with the support you have around you then get as much advice as you can first. Lots of people plan the perfect family situation before they have a child and it does't always work out anyway but they manage as a single parent and more often these days have a new man who will take on that child as their own. If you feel that it would ruin everthing for you and your life then you must be brave and make the right decision for you. Its your body and you have to go through it! Can you cope if your boyfriend does't want to know.
Its crazy...we spend all our young lives trying to stop ourselves from being pregnant to really wanting it to happen and not knowing if we can have a baby by that time. Unfortunately my friend did have to have an abortion to then find out 5 years later she could not have children due to a health problem. We don't know what is in our future so i guess you will have to look at the now. Sorry i'm rambling. x
hi cay10 so sorry to hear you are facing such a big dilemma. This is a huge pressure on a very new relationship with a guy you probably dont really know very well yet. Im mum to a 13 month old, been married 2 years and together for 6 and its still put us under a tonne of pressure. the needs of a newborn are relentless, its hard to imagine just how much you sacrifice - in the early days cleaning my teeth was a luxoury!
However - the love you feel for your baby, im sure regardless of the circumstances they came into the world - is the most wonderful and powerful thing there is. I can see how that carries people through - its a road you can't return from once you set off down it, and you wouldnt want to.
Right now though there are still choices and it's your right to make them. 21 would be an ok age for some women to have a baby, for many they feel they havent done all they wanted to educationally/career wise/travelling or even just in having fun and experiencing life. Yes, you can still do these things whilst being a mother but your decisions will always be made with your baby as priority so you will miss out on a lot, or experience things very differently. Your relationshup is also very new and your partner is young and unsure - as others have said this could all come good, you could both realise you were meant for each other after all and it could all work out - but i think you need to decide you can do this alone if you have to, as there is every chance things won't work with him, and once lo is here you are a mum regardless of the other stuff.
Im not trying to be negative, as a mummy i know when you see your baby you will love it without question and your life will be driven by doing all you can to care for it - we're programmed that way. But i think you also need to face the reality that this will be hard and if it's the wrong guy/wrong time there are other choices for you.
If you do decide to go ahead don't hold a grudge against your partner for the way he initially felt. its not an abnormal reaction for a 23 year old who has been in a relationship for 4 months. When he sees his baby im sure he will feel differently.
Good luck with whatever you decide. x
I'm in a similar but more pathetic situation. I'm 21 and I was seeing this guy over the summer who I definitely liked more than he liked me. I was supposed to leave for New York so things were sort of non-commital and fizzling out, mostly on his end, but I found out a month before I was scheduled to go that I was pregnant. Though the decision to keep it didn't come without regret, I knew instantly as I read the results and even before when I only had a sense of it, that i would not be having an abortion. This decision remains firm despite the strong objections of my family, the guy, and even my friends. Something came over me, mostly horomonal i'm sure, which gave me a strong drive to protect the child, even though at 11 weeks I have yet to conceptualize this baby as a person. The guy is completely against me keeping it and is currently ignoring me with his new girlfriend. Though I have to admit that aborting the baby seemed even more impossible with my feelings towards him (as they were) associated with our baby, i have come to the realization that he's not going to be with me whether there's a baby or not. Since you're in an actual relationship and it seems like you like him, we have to be honest that those feelings do influence how much we want to get an abortion vs not, but just make sure that there's something more to the idea of the baby that drives you to keep it than just it's association with him. If the worst-case scenario of being a single mother without him is not what you want, then you'll know what to do.
willarose i don't think you're pathetic - there aren't many people who haven't been at the wrong end of unrequited love and lots of people have had an unplanned pregnancy. Those things are part of life. Your stand to keep your baby regardless of the pressure around you is admirable as you instinctively know doing anything else wouldnt be the right thing for you. You sound far from pathetic to me, you sound full of courage and because you're so certain in your decision, you won't have any regrets. The baby will change your life and some things will be hard but the love you feel will carry you through.
cay10 how are you doing? Are you any further on with making a decison? The right thing for you might be the same or might be different, only you can know your own situation and your own feelings. Hope things are getting easier xx
yes, i decided not to have an abortion and keep the baby. I know everything will work out for the best, everything happens for the reason. I know myself and I am strong enough to make it as a single mom if it comes down to that. Thank all of you ladies for your support and advice, it helped alot.
/that's wonderful cay10, hope you feel better knowing you've made a decision, im sure you'll be a wonderful mum. xx
Hello Cay I dont have first hand experience of this dilema however my best friend at school got pregnant with a guy she had only seen once or twice and he wanted nothing to do with her. She kept the baby and it wasnt easy at the start but she found it the best thing in her life later. Her daughter is now a student at uni studying medicine and will be a doctor soon. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you have family to support you.x
I'm in the same predicament but I WILL NOT consider abortion, I have been against it my whole life but I'm so confused, scared but if you do not live in a third world country which I'm assuming you don't then you should be fine. Support groups are out there to help you. Financial aids, everything. You will not be alone. So good luck with your decision and wish you the best. xoxo
im in the same situation, im 24 and my boyfriend of 6 months is 38. I just found out a week ago that im 10 weeks pregnant. i told the dude and first thing he said was "when you calling the doctor?" i talk to my friends and family they all support the pregnancy. and told me to go for it. I already have a 5 year old son, that my bf helps me take care of. i work full time and have my own apartment ( bf Lives with Me) my bf has 3 kids in another country and is struggling to take care of them due to him not having a job at this moment. all week i been stressing out because he feels we are not ready money wise, and mentally. But i don't want to get a abortation bcus im almost done with my first trimester and i dont want to do it again as a single mother. i love my bf and wish he can jus see we messed up due to not talking about the possiblities and prevention. and we can deal with the situation the right way and see that things will work out in the long run. He is really pressuring me to get one. but i dont want to put my body and mind threw the pain. we are currently not talking much and the tention between us is not good. so i can see it changed our relationship for good. but i understand what your going threw and i wish you the best of luck.
mzRoyalLadyBug, sorry to hear your dilemma but if it helps in your case to your BF, I did have an abortion in my late teens which is now over a decade ago. If you do not have a medical need to abort the pregnancy (it isn't a matter of your life being at risk) then you will need to go to a private clinic which will cost you a large sum (My then BF & I had to pay £470 between us which is pretty much how our relationship ended) & you will have to be seen by several counsellors to talk through the abortion/ensure you understand what you are doing & that you are happy doing it.
You will not forget that you aborted a pregnancy & will need to disclose it as part of your pregnancy history. Again the further you are into the pregnancy the longer the process & recovery will take (much the same as if you have a c-sec).
In short, abortion is not the easy way out most men picture, it will take a toll on you physically & mentally (is he really ready to deal with looking after your son whilst you recover plus possibilitites of you developing depression?)
Yes there is a lot to consider here but it may be better for you & your BF to talk to Citizens Advice about benefits/housing/work rather than seeking an abortion clinic. Best wishes.
i am 31 years old 10 weeks pregnant now....my boyfriend is 49 years old, he ended our 6 months relationship.he said were not good for each other and he will just support me and the baby.it hurts so much and i still cant believe it.i love him so much and it really hurts having this pregnancy alone...i have my family,but its still diffrent...sometimes i ask myself why this is happening to me.
hiiiiiii. me and my boyfriend got together last june and in august found out i was pregnant!! nightmare!!! we kept it and made a go of things. my baby is now 9wks old and we live together happily... his family are a nightmare about it! always wanting the baby and such but hes on my side. i couldnt have aborted him and im so glad i didnt, even if my boyfriend threatened to leave me, i would have kept my baby and did it alone and im 24 and hes 27