help please!! MIL nightmares!!!!!!!!!
hiii. my baby is now almost 10wks old and since i got pregnant the mother in law has been trying to get her claws in. she tried to choose his name and everything! she bought him loads of stuff which at the time i thought was kind of her but now i know its because she wants him like her other grandchildren who practically live with her... but these are her daughters children and her daughter lives right next door to her!! we live a couple of miles away. she NEVER comes to the house.... claims she feels not welcome... not sure why, i always offer her a drink and such things... so since having my baby the MIL and her daughter were constantly saying can we have him for a few hours. i wasnt ready to let him go so said no. they kept going in moods and this made my partner feel stuck in the middle. i told him its normal for a mother of a newborn to not let anyone take her baby away from her..... so now hes nearly 10wks old my partner seams to think i should be loosing up. but im not. we go down there twice a week and she doesnt even ask to hold him anymore... so i sit there with him or right beside him if i put him in his pram or bouncy chair because shes a childminder and some of the kids are young and try to touch my baby and i know there is going to be a nasty accident. so when im there she wont ask to hold him but says can i take him out to my friends or to pick some of the kids up from the school.... no sorry you can not!!! so now they arnt speaking to me and are trying to get my partner on their side by calling him and saying we want to take him out for the day will you let us... and he says its not up to him, then they tell him iv got postnatal depression and somethings wrong with me...... so now i dont feel welcome down there.... his mother wont come here... and neither of us are speaking to the sister. so his mother is pestering him saying shes gave up on me... i dont make any effort.. when clearly i do by hiking down there twice a week when she wont even hold him!! so now my partners upset his mother is not seeing the baby when i have said tell her to come here. but hes saying ahhhh welll she doesnt feel welcome. i said well i think thats clearly an excuse and she will never ever be happy until my baby practically lives there like her other grandchildren. i know we are going to break up over this soon. he feels stuck in the middle, i feel like they are trying to get their claws in, iv been up since 5am stressed about it all. can anyone help? am i wrong to say they cant take him? are they wrong for going on like this?
Replies
i dont know what your problem is, you mean you dont want anyone to hold your baby. i never heard of this. they wont take a 10 weeks baby away from you, for what reason? now you are trying to break a fimaly apart and you are the wife you suppose to bring them together. everyone get excited when theres a new baby they all want to hold the baby and now you are telling me that you wont let your mother in law to hold her grand child. this is unfair to the fimaly, your husband and your child.
im not saying you are wrong or right but me i wont punish my child, i want her grand parents to hold my baby, to love my baby even if one day im nomore i will sleep peacefully knowing that my child is in good hands. and i love my inlwas very much they are also my fimaly.
i think you misread my question.... i said i hike down there twice a week and she wont hold him but only ask to take him out. shes calling my partners fone daily asking him if she can take the baby out for a few hours and iv said no. im not trying to break any family up
I don't understand why she won't hold him n why she won't come over. I wouldn't let anyone have my baby for even a few hours at 10 weeks, she was 9 months old before I let her go! your mil needs to come over, spend a few hours with the baby so u can see how she is with him. I certainly dont think its appropriate fir her to have him with a house full of minder kids, he needs her full attention. has ur hubby suggested she come over to yours to watch him for a few hours one night while you and hubby go out for a meal or something? Maybe that could b a start. That way if he's ready for bed n that then she can't take him out anywhere n u no he's at home in a place where he's familiar. We had a similar thing with ohs mum she wouldn't come over but was always with his sisters kids, we started introducing her to our home gradually, invited her over for dinner and eventually let her have dd when she was maybe a year or so after she was totally farmiar with her x
we all slept at her house a few weeks back while our new windows were getting put in. we only stayed two nights, and one of those nights we went out for a meal and she put our baby to bed... but shes only happy if shes got the baby on her own without me there. she even told my partner its like shes only having supervised visits. i was very annoyed and explained its MY baby im not just going to drop him off at your house! i really dont know what world she is living in! im stressed out my mind with it all, its been going on since i was pregnant and there is no end in sight x
She does sound like she kind of wants to take over. Not being funny but they are supervised visits in a way, she's seeing you and the baby, he's yours you're bound to b there. Any decent parent doesn't just dump their kid on their parents or in laws as soon as they get chance. X
My daughter was almost 10 months before I left her alone with my own mother, who is also my best friend and I trust her a million percent, but even though dh and I were only at the cinema for a couple of hours I couldnt stop worrying, cant even remember what film it was I was so distracted lol. Its completely normal to be protective while your baby's so young, especially with your first! Your mil is being unreasonable. She should understand that the first few months Is all about you finding your feet as a mother, becoming comfortable with routines and your baby's individual needs. Sod how she feels, you focus on you and your little family, if shes so desperate to see your baby then she should make the effort to come and see you. Most grandparents are more than happy to help and obviously want to spend time with new baby, but its unusual that she seems to be only interested in seeing him alone. Also your partner should support you and see where his mum is being unfair, tell him your doubts and explain to him that you need his support. Hope you get on ok
xxx
She sounds like a nightmare can totally understand why you feel so stressed. Maybe try and speak to your partner again that not everyone is happy to hand over a 10 week old and I never did when mine were tiny. If I was in your position would have lost patience with them by now.
what about inviting them over for a family meal? Surely that would be welcoming enough for her, then your partner can see you made the effort and then it's up to MIL
Hope you find a compromise, try not too get too stressed I know that's easier said than done xx
Oh god that sounds awful. Would I do that? Never. I'm 10 +5 and also have a crazy MIL who's always been that way. We've not told our families yet. My own mum I would trust a million percent but after being with OH for 11 years I still don't trust MIL. Good luck honey I'm sure ill be in a similar situation in 7 months time.