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i am stressed!! mother in law seams to think my baby is her baby

i will start from the beginning....


mother in law has two children, son and daughter... her daughter only has daughters... so when i found out i was pregnant she said ooo hope its a boy... and sure enough i found out it was a boy. then she started doing a room out in her house for him.. i explained he wont be staying here for some years yet! but she was like he will!! started to buy him lots of expensivie things... we were greatful... the thought she was trying to buy my baby crossed my mind... when i gave birth she was fuming we didnt tell her i was in labor until i was about to give birth.. my partner text her and told her, then she was texting constantly... how many cm's is she, how far apart are the pains... he switched off his phone. after i gave birth and he switched his phone on around an hour later to let people know he had dozens of texts and missed calls off her. she went outside and called her and told her to calm the took down!! she came charging into the hospital that night causing a scene, took my baby off my mother then passed him around like a piece of meat to her family who she brought with her! i was lying in bed, legs still numb from my epidural so i could not move, so i said can i have my baby back now please, and she said no hes mine! i said give me my fooking baby back right now or im pressing this emergency buzzer! she handed him back then my partner took her outside and had a stern word with her. she came back and said sorry. i understood she was excited... her first grandson, but this is MY baby.

when we got home the next day she came over... and stayed for hours, kept talking about him and what i should be doing. i have a 4year old from a previous relationship. so i said looooook!!! iv done this before! alone! so dont tell me how ti bring up my baby, she said she was giving me advice. told her i dont need or want it.

on day 3, she called my partner and said bring the baby to my house... invited family over to see him. i said no your not taking him down there without me and im not well enough to go! he said to her the family could come up here for an hour to see him. she refused and it caused huge rows.

my baby is 6months old now and it seamed to be getting better... until my daughter said to me this is not your baby is it mammy... i said of course hes mine! who said he isnt. she told me my boyfriends mum told her nanas baby boy. so i had a word with my partners mum and said look you are confusing my daughter by telling her this is your baby... i have explained to her its not! so next time we went over my partners mum went where is my baby!! and my daughter said that is mummys baby!! he grew in mummys tummy so its mummys baby!! she could not answer so that so i was glad that had shut her up.

everytime i let her have some time with him (she hates me being around my baby when shes there because she says its like supervised visits) she takes it all to far and starts pushing for more and more.

last time she had him for 2hours while we went out for a meal... he came home in different clothes and i said ohhh has he been sick? she said no i didnt like those clothes so i changed him.

my partner seams to think its all better now, but shes still acting like this is not my baby and she has some sort of say over everything i do with him.

i thought it would get better but its not and im at the end of my teather. if i told her to fk off for good i would loose my partner.... i dont want to be a single parent again, so letting her have him for a couple of hours here and there is keeping my partner happy that his family are having their time with my baby, which i hate leaving him. i feel such a strong bond with him, i cant explain it. so really my only way is to carry on as i am, letting her have him, putting up with her crap. and im so upset and st


  • I'm sorry Hun, I've read your previous posts so I know what you're talking about. It's nuts I don't get what it is with his family but sending lots of hugs I think you're totally right to feel the way you do x

  • thank you. now shes upset because i chose his christmas day outfit without her permission. xx

  • Oh is she for real? FFS get a grip lol x

  • Have you tried saying 'Grand-baby' whenever she asks "Where is my Baby?"  I know my mum always used to ask "How are my babies?" so I simply used to reply "Do you mean me or your Grand-babies?" & she soon cottoned on.

    As for the outfits - you could jokily ask whether she wishes to find alternative clothes for you & OH too, if she dislikes baby's outfit surely she must dislike both of yours also as it was the same people that chose them all....

    You have no shame in feeling as you do.  You may need to make your OH more aware of how the relationship is making you feel though, if he is a keeper he will support you in 'laying the law' otherwise he'll simply tell you to deal with it (at which point you know your next choice). Xx

  • wow you poor thing - she sounds like she's got a wee screw loose in her head, thats not what you need to be dealing with when you've just had a baby. I'd have lost it by now and told her to do one. And I'd be having serious words with the OH to get her told - he needs to be a man, and stand up for his partner and new baby. 

    Hope you manage to talk some sense into her, or if not you, then your OH to do - it really should be him sorting this out, it is his mother after all.

    Good luck!


  • Hi my name is Ryan i am a father of one and have just found out that i am going to be a dad for the second time. I know this site is for mums but seeing louise's post made me want to reply as i need help with my mother in law and am looking for some advice. It all started when my partner found out she was pregnant 3 years ago, she sat me down and i was in shock as i was only 19 at the time but i have always been quite mature for my age so i said to my partner who was only 17 at the time that i am their for her whatever her decision may be. She decided that she wanted to keep the baby so i was like thats fine, time for me to step up now and get a job as i am going to be a dad for the first time. I was their for her all the way through the pregnancy bought everything for the baby ready and did what all males are supposed to do when being a dad becomes a reality. I emotionally supported my partner and did everything for her during this scary time as we found out that our baby had gastroshcheises during one of the scans (not sure if thats how you spell it). So my partner was very scared and upset during the remaining weeks of her pregnancy, i was too but i wasn't carrying our child so i coiluldn't imagine how she felt. Any way we was told we was having a little girl but on the day she decided to pop out a boy so you can imagine the shock. especially with how much money was spent on girls clothes :0. So the baby was born five weeks early and had to go in an incubator for a few weeks and have a few operations to get his bowles put back in as he was born with them on the outside of his stomach rather than the inside. Now this is where i talk about the mother in law. she had already started interfiering but i thought id leave that out as this is where it starts to get really bad. Basically all the way through the pregnancy i wanted our child to have my last name as i am the father and tradition is that the child goes in the fathers last name unless hes not been there then he doesnt deserve to. So thats all i wanted as the child with it being a boy aswell will carry on my last name. so the mother in law protested this as everything has to be her way and the baby had to have her last name for some reason so to save arguments i was up for a double barrel name but even that wasnt good enough it was either her way or the highway. so what the sneaky woman did was she sent me subway whilst my gf was still in the hospital to get sandwhiches for people and whilst i was gone got the name put into their family last name. at the time i didnt realise it was only days later by this time it was too late. when i found out i was in bits as its the only thing i ever wanted and it was ripped away from me. some people will say its just a name but for me it was evetything. the worst part is this is just the start. i was then told by the in laws that because the baby isnt well the baby and my gf will be staying with them and theres nothing i could do about it. everything i worked so hard for was just being taken away from me. i had a flat aswell but because her mother had obviously had children she knew what was best. so they was all playing happy families round at the house and i had to visit my own son which felt like child services centre as the mother in law constantly watched my every move and interfierd if i wasnt changing him fast enough i tried explaing that im learning but she just bullied in uninvited all the time. me being too nice for my own good was great execuse for her to walk all over me. anyway with everything that happened my partner ended up suffering with post natal depression and she just couldnt seem to find a bond with our son so her mother just stepped right in and took full responsibility right from under our noses. every time we then tried to do anything with him she purposly did it first and wouldnt let us get close. this then made my partner worse and with me not living their couldnt do much as i was working so i would come home from work to her mother and it got to the point where i didnt want to go round and even avoided seeing my son at one point which broke my heart but i couldnt cope with her no more. she used to pull me to one side and call me a bad dad and make me feel like shit. i even ended up loosing my job because i was that depressed i couldnt cope. my mind was constantly working overdrive. But my son is two and a half now and nothing has changed im crying all the time now because the motherbin law has got a better bond with our son than we have but my gf is scared to put her foot down and its ruining it for me and now finding out that she is pregnant has me worried because were not even looking after the first one her mum is and i can see this being exactly the same. i had a breif chat with her mum two days ago and she said whats happening with the last name of this child then so i said he/she will be having my last name so she said no you cant have two babies with different last names so the baby will have to have our name again. i said no its not happening our first born will be having his last name changed to mine that way their not different and she replies over my dead body i just dont know what her problem is. she also said this baby will have to move in with them aswell as we cant have brother or sister/brother seperated. so i said our son will be moving in with us as we will be getting a house but she is just having non of it. i am honeslty at the lowest point of my life right now and i am only 22 years of age and just want my son to be where he belongs and my mother in law out of my life as she is ruining it and on top of all of this i feel that run down ive been having panic attacks which are causing me to stay off work and stay in im just really in a low place and could really you'se somebodies help right now. sorry for all the writing aswell i got a bit carried away but thank you so much if you have taken the time out of your day to read my story i really appriciate it. 

  • Hi Ryan,

    I am sorry this is something you are dealing with. It sounds like your MIL has zero respect for you as a person and a father to your children. I can't speak for her, but she might not have ever liked you, she might have hoped her daughter didn't become a mother at such a young age, she might not trust her own daughter to take care of her own children- the possibilities are endless. Your GF is very young still, and maybe hasn't found her voice as a woman much less a mother. My sister was a young mother at 17 yo, and I know this was true for her and her baby's father. This is a difficult thing, but you have the rights as a father, not your MIL. If your GF cannot find it in herself to talk to her mother and set the record straight, I would not hesitate to take it to the courts. If you are responsible, nonabusive and financially able to support your first son, there is no reason why you cannot have him living in your home with you. I would urge you to talk to your MIL first, and very importantly WITH YOUR GF PRESENT AND GUIDING THE CONVERSATION, and if nothing changes then, I would not hesitate to seek legal counsel. However ugly that might seem, at that point, it seems as if she has given you no choice. Good luck to you. 

  • well I had intrusive problems with my mil to be,and I just more.and me and my baby are a package deal from now on.if she does not dance to my rules she is not welcome.and my lo wont see her anymore.I was as ruid as I can be to her,now she is scared of told me my baby does not know me and does not want to be in my  house.and that she does not want to lay with me and all kinds of nonsence.even took the liberty of discussing the prenuptial contract with I say the hell with mil that thinks she has more right than the parents.and I mean both parents.the next step is a restraining order.I really dont think the other parent should put up with this nonsense.if we dont stop their behaviour,they will never stop.

  • RYAN ... I really hope you get this. I signed up to this site just because your post really got to me.  I also am a dad , 2 year old boy and 5 month old girl. RYAN you are young but when you decided to have children that is the point you became a man.  Ryan your baby's grandmother is way out of line.  I couldn't even begin to think about not being with my children everyday to do the many things which make being a dad AWESOME. Ryan you need to take the bulls by the horn here.. you are the father and the man .. you pull your grandmother aside and tell her that OVER YOUR DEAD BODY will things continue like this .. Stand up for yourself and your FAMILY. You belong with your family . Time to Man up.. and get that last name changed bud... please update us, you beling with your kids. Get support if you have to but I pray you get this handled and enjoy your kids while you can! They are only young once.. from the bottom of my heart ; good luck bud . 

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