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hysterical crying at bedtime and cries when put down to sleep. please help?



  • Hello again!

    Your night time sounds like ours used to be. Our dd would not go to bed untill 10pm so we just stopped trying to force her. As the weeks have gone on she is very slowly bringing her own bed time back so we are now at about 8.30pm at 13 weeks. If we tried to put her down at 7pm she would go mad! We decided we would rather have her not in bed but not stressed! Bit by bit she is going to bed earlier.

    Day time naps have also been hard for us. My friend had a band sleeper and the only way she could get him to nap was a two hour pram walk or car drive! Over time he got used to sleeping during these times and now sleeps well. So I have been doing the same! I plan when to go out around when I know she needs to sleep. I walk, drive or put her in her swing and 'force' her to nap! And it's paying off, she has started to get much better at napping and now seems to anticipate them and go down much easier but still not in her cot. It's hard work but I would rather be out walking then in the house with a screaming baby!

    My LO is also awful when over tired so the enforced napping continues image

  • My DD didnt go to sleep for the night before 9 til she was 3 months and before that it was 11!! But when she went down she slept for good blocks- have to say 5 hour blocks arent bad hun!! Have you tried baby wearing? I found that when dd was overtired just holding her didnt help but rocking or bouncing did and when I had her in the sling and walked around it helped her drop off!! Keep doing the bedtime routine eventually it will click- its about the familiarity it brings- but perhaps resign yourself to the fact that bedtime wont be 7/7.30 for a little while he'll eventually bring it forward himself!! Also DD hated sleeping in her moses basket for naps but loved sleeping in her swing- if it is wind or reflux hurting him this position might be more comfy!!I cuddled my dd to sleep for ages and now she sleeps fine by herself- but I didnt just sit there cuddling I had to do some jiggling lol !! Good luck and stop stressing- they can sense it hun! x
  • oh hon, you sound very stressed. Have you got a good support network? I remember when lo was little he would sleep with other people and the minute they left he would wake up screaming which would reduce me to tears. He was a rubbish sleeper and I think me being stressed and the smell of my milk made it even harder for him. Have you thought about the reflux/silent reflux thing, it certainly made a difference for us to have him on infant gaviscon, but there are other things that can help. It worth checking to see if he has any of the symptoms. It is possible that he just isn't a good sleeper.Are you still bf, and are you feeding on demand? He may be growth spurting as someone else suggested.

    Also I would be a tad worried about you, maybe a chat with hv and a go of the edinburgh scale would be useful just to see how you are?

    ps your nighttime sounds fab for a 10 week old? He's waking, feeding and going back to sleep.
  • I would agree that maybe 7/7.30 is a bit early for him? Harry is 12 weeks and now goes to bed between 9 and 9.30, this has been coming forward gradually from 11.30pm since he was around 7 weeks old. We have never tried to put him down earlier - he started off coming to bed when we did, which was after his last feed at night (around 11.30ish), then I started to put him down by himself at 7 weeks (at around 11pm) and since then I am trying to bring his bedtime forward ever so slightly every week or so.

    He's a terrible daytime sleeper though - he just fights sleep so much. I can only get him off to sleep if we go out in the car or if I lay on the floor next to him and hold his hand. Occasionally he will doze off on me, but that's getting less and less often!

    Try not to worry yourself, he will find his own pattern soon enough!

  • He is very very small still and probably finds being on his own in the basket terrifying which is why he calms at the breast. I would let him fall asleep on the breast and then gently ease him into the basket. Please don't waste any of these early weeks worrying about 'bad habits' you don't want him to begin to associate sleep with hysterics so I would do whatever it takes to get him to drop off peacefully and forget all about putting him down in the basket for now.
  • Oh just read your reply. It does sound like he's overtired. I'd try these things -

    1. Loads of time in a sling against your body while he's awake so he can settle and calm down.

    2. Pram or car?

    3. Do less while he's dropping off, maybe you're overstimulating him by rocking singing etc

    4. Osteopath
  • I would definitely try the osteopath. It works miracles. 

    Good luck

  • My guess is colic. Look into this website and see if it helps you out, it helped me 

    The doctor is great and although not local will FaceTime with you and help you through it all. 

    He helped me with all three of my girls. 

  • Please, for the sake of your tiny, vulnerable child just breastfeed her to calm her. It's natural. It's the HUMANe thing to do. That's your solution... Before she's tired, when she's tired, although that's harder for her to do, and after she wakes up! She needs you to show your love by nursing her A LOT. That's all she knows and wants.  It's easy, just give it to her. I nursed all the time, except usually not to sleep... Only drowsy, and my daughter almost never cried and we both slept well. Now, we didn't sleep through the night of course because i had to attend to her but I wasn't phased because I was doing my job of being a mother and loving, I mean, nursing her. I also know that I was having a blast being a full-time, first time mama more so than some other moms, it seemed. She was happy and so was I.

     Only now at 6 months am I starting to try and sooth her differently at night, which makes her cry more for sure but I'm trying to teach her as she is more mature. She's also going through the normal separation anxiety. image It's pretty darn hard but I would never have done it earlier because all I wanted to teach her then was that I was conscientious enough to know EXACTLY what she needed -the boob image -for comfort AND for food, and I was kind enough to give it to her to meet her needs, whenever and wherever. I say 'whip it out' all the time, the boob, that is, wear or carry her A LOT. I didn't put her in a stroller until she was 4 months old or a car seat until she was 2 months old. She was born at home and we live in town so I just bundled her up and carried her everywhere. Oh, and always STOP what you're doing to talk, sing, touch, carry... NURSE your baby when she starts to fuss, and even more urgently when she cries. She'll love you for it now and in the future when she's off on adventures of her own. image

    Those are my thoughts, my experiences. I am on this sight because the separation anxiety stuff my darling is going through right now is definitely challenging me. I want to help her through it but I haven't figured it out yet. 

    Cheers to learning to be a mother! Good luck!

  • Hi

    My little girl is 32 weeks and she's still hysterical before bed time for about an hour. We've tried rocking, white noise, breast feeding, reading a book, bathtime, laid on her front or any other position etc but it's still the same every evening. She goes to sleep fine for naps during the day- maybe a 10 minute fight at worse but that's it.. I suggested seeking professional advice but my partner is adamant it's normal although it's very stressful for both of us. Any advice?

  • Hi Ritchie, 

    I totally get where you're coming from - things with my youngest were so bad (this was when she was 7months old) we hired a sleep trainer. She did make things better for us, but i think it was more that we had to report back to someone (the sleep trainer) our routine and she looked at it and told us where we were possibly going wrong. So what's your routine like with your daughter? naps during the day and bedtime?

    I'm a big believer in routine and really think it helps - so when my daughter was a baby we would bath her about 5pm and have her in bed by 6 (you know, cuddles after bath, story, milk, etc). We put her to bed so early as she would get so overtired if not, but once we figured the sleeping out, we slowly moved the bed time to later about 10mins per night until she wuld go down at 7

    We did the 'gentle' control crying technique with her too as she would never settle. So pop her in her cot, leave her cry for aminute, go back in, and say the same thing over and over - like shush, shush, sleepy time - no picking up, but you can stroke her. Double the time, so you go in after two mins, then 4mins, then 8 mins, and always say the same thing. First night took 45 (very bloody painful) minutes. Second night, 30mins, and third night 8 mins... IT's like three horrible nights, and major stress, but honestly we never looked back.

    So please don't despair - it will pass, promise you that much. And ask me anything if you want toknow more. Good luck. x 

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