So much crying! 4 month old does not stop crying

So I'm a new mum to a very screamy baby. He has screamed and cried so much from about 10 days old... and he is now nearing 4 months old. It is seriously killing me :(

Also this is my first ever forum post... so hope I'm doing this right!

Anyway, we have seen SO many doctors - and even coughed up to see a private consultant. 

He has never fed very well at all. Feeds always start ok, but maybe half way through it descends into a screamfest! Not every feed though. Generally if he is a bit sleepy then he feeds ok. Also he is now bottle fed.

So I had him checked out for silent reflux. GP prescribed infant gaviscon and after that ranitidine. Neither made any difference in the screaming. We were then prescribed Nutramigen milk in case of allergies, but this made no difference either. 

He has often been a sicky baby, but throwing up whole feeds seems to have stopped a few weeks ago. He wasn't ever throwing up enough for any of the doctors to have any concerns though. Mostly spit up/mouthful.

The private paediatrician that we saw said that he's perfectly healthy and we just have to ride out the crying which he will grow out of. She also said the silent reflux is a myth! 

We're now on normal Aptamil ready made. Normal nappies, healthy weight gain. Just a lot of crying still!

I feel like I can't go out anywhere with him because he just screams. I get so hot and flustered! And insanely stressed :(

The car seat seems to almost always settle him. The pram works about half of the time. I try to play with him, showing him toys - this seems to work for a short while before he cries. 

He sleeps well at night. Usually around 8pm to 6/7am which is AMAZING. Daytimes he is more difficult to get down to nap, but generally sleeps 3 times for about 30 mins.

Another paediatrician we have seen directed me to the PURPLE crying website, suggesting that this is a phase he will grow out of. At 4 months old though I had hoped for more improvement :(

We have tried all the different colic remedies and nothing has made any difference. He does get wind easily, so we burp him frequently and he seems to fart quite a bit too.

Sorry for the long story, but has anyone else experienced anything like this? I feel exhausted and so stressed out... always on edge with the crying :(

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  • Hi, I read your post and i could have written the EXACT same post about 3 years ago with my youngest. We pretty much had the exact same thing - when she wasn't crying, it was a miracle.

    I hate to say it, but it was colic, and when she 8 months and properly got into food (tried weaning earlier but she just did not get it) things did change massively. It as just something she grew out of. WE too had Gaviscon, changed the milk, tested for allergies, there was no 'reason' she was crying - and it finally stopped. 

    So hold tight, grit those teeth, try and let as much of it go as possible, and know it will end - i promise you, you're over at least half way there, and i reckon when you start weaning, things will change. Good luck x

  • Thank you SO MUCH for your post. I sometimes feel like my baby is different to other babies and no-one understands what it's like. It's so relieving to know that others have been through the same thing!

    I can see that he has made little improvements where we are seeing more smiles at times. But yesterday for example, he pretty much screamed blue murder all day!

    Then I get upset when the HV and GPs scratch their heads when I take him back (usually me in floods of tears too!).

    We had a difficult start to his life, when he was on intensive care for the first week (while I was on the post natal ward after repair of third degree tear). This was awful and has definitely traumatised me. So this crying we are experiencing feels like I'm being repeatedly punched in the face. I just want to be given a chance to start to enjoy motherhood :(

  • Oh i hear you - i would dread the times my baby was awake, as i knew she'd either be vomming up her entire feed or crying and crying no end. But it does stop and it does change and i know it's hard to hear cause you're like 'when will it end? When???' but it really will. 

    Let me tell you, i have two children, my first was such a dream, and i would watch a friend of mine who had a baby the same time, her son crying and screaming so, so much, he would turn bright red, and i'd think to myself 'what is wrong with him???'. Then I had my second child, and pretty much relived it all - she did not stop wailing, and i felt useless and cried all the time, cause i felt like i couldn't help her and didn't know what was wrong. But she did grow out of it, and i finally fell in love with my baby when she hit 8months old (I really didn't like her and found her so very stressful and hard to cope with). Promise you, you are SO not alone. Wish i could give you a magic cure, but think that just comes in the form of weaning and time... 

  • Oh and this charity site might help too hon http://www.cry-sis.org.uk/

  • Hi!

    This sounds exactly like my little boy! He was born last summer and is now nearly 11 months old. 

    i know everyone says babies cry but he cried NONSTOP for about 3-4 months. he struggled with eating and sleeping and because he only associated going to sleep with having a bottle, he would get into a state of not really wanting to eat but trying to carry on with his bottle because he thought that was the way to cure his tiredness!! 

    He was the same and slept 12 hours from a very early age and it was because he was so tired from not sleeping during the day that he would literally "pass out" at nighttime. I think the fact that your baby sleeps for so long would suggest that it might be the same problem. I assumed that if he was in pain/ill he would be waking up during the night and so because he wasnt it could only be that he was in a state of constant tiredness!! 

    everyone around was telling me that he must be ill because of all the problems around eating and constantly crying as they had never seen a baby like it! I went to the doctors so many times only for them to say nothing was wrong but he could try infant gaviscon etc. 

    In the end the thing that helped me was just sitting it out when I knew he needed to sleep and shhhhing and not giving in to give him a bottle and eventually with rocking (and a white noise app) he would fall to sleep! 

    Also if you know they are fed and changed just put them in the pram and go for a long walk with some earphones in! Eventually my little one fell to sleep and that let me keep some of my sanity!! 

    Really feel for you as I nearly lost my mind with him but around 3-4 months after a bit of sleep training he got better and I felt more confident that I knew what the problem was. 

    I remember constantly being worried though that he was really ill and I was missing something but in the end he just needed a bit more time and help than others getting adjusted to the world I think!!

    if you would find it useful to chat then just let me know as it would have really helped me in the middle of that awful time!!

    good luck! And it's true it does get better eventually (Someone told me that when he was one month old and it was true!) and sorry for the essay haha! 

  • Thank you SO much! As it turns out, since I wrote my post on here, we've seen quite a bit of improvement! So I'm keeping everything crossed that we now see less and less crying.

    I am so upset that the start of his life has been so intensely stressful... it has so put me off having another. And I feel like I'll look back on his newborn weeks/months and only remember how tortorous it was. 

    Thanks again for taking the time to write on here. It makes such a big difference to hear from others that have been through this.

  • thats brilliant news! Yes I don't look back at the newborn phase with any good memories at all! How he is now though is so different that the time it was awful seems really short in comparison. 

    In fact it's a running joke with all the family that he must have got all his crying out in the first three months as he is now such a smiley baby and I would have laughed if someone had said that would be the case during the first few months!! 

    Im sure it will be the same for you as the months go by! you should be able to start enjoying it now! xx

  • So my baby is STILL going with the crying... 6 1/2 months old now :(

    I say crying, it is a lot of fussing with a lot of crying too. And very little happy time. 

    My saving grace is that he sleeps amazingly well. Usually 10-11 hours through the night!

    But the days are so tough. when he cries he gets so cross, he sometimes grabs my skin so hard it feels like it draws blood (but doesn't actually). so even trying to comfort him is awful. I just want him to be happy.

    I think the situation has started to make me develop some kind of anxiety disorder too. So i have finally reached out and getting support.

    Why is he so angry all the time?! :( Docs have again reassured me that he's perfectly healthy. I have to keep reminding myself of this fact to stay positive. He's healthy, growing, developing, sleeping and started to wean brilliantly. 

    Trying to grit my teeth and carry on really. Desperate to start enjoying motherhood :(

  • Hi - sorry to hear it hasn't calmed down! Is he napping during the day? 

    If he got a bit better for a bit and has gone back to crying then maybe it could be a development time as they get worse around those. 

    My little boy is 13 months old now and think he is going through one as he is whinging ALL the time! 

  • Thanks. I think he started to improve around 4 1/2 months, and has gradually been improving but very gradually. Now  feels as though he's been stuck in the same fussy/cryey state for ages. I guess it is just really wearing on me now and finding it hard to feel like he's a normal baby. I hate trying to take him for play dates as he is only ok for the first little bit but then descends into crying. i feel like everyone is staring at him/me and judging.

    he naps well during the day - usually maybe 3 naps totalling 3 1/2 hours. I feel so guilty for looking forward to each nap time :( 

    after he wakes up is his best/happiest time. After maybe 45 mins of being awake (sometimes much less) he starts getting cross and fussy. 

    I try absolutely everything in the repertoire of tricks to distract him from crying. Toys, walks, jumperoo, drive in the car, walking around the house looking out of various windows... the list goes on! 

    I can see he is really frustrated trying the crawl and move now too - so suspect this is part of the upset too. But he's always been such a screamy/cryey/fussy baby. Me and his dad have always been so happy and I'd say we laugh a lot together - more than most. We thought he must be a happy baby. How could he not be?! 

    :(

  • I'm sure he will keep improving then! He sounds exactly the same as my little guy though with the getting fussy just before he learns to do something new so it might be down to that right now.

    totally understand what you are saying about the first baby to cry and taking some right entertaining!! I hated taking him anywhere with my friends babies cos they would be playing nicely for ages and I'd be able to stay half and hour tops before he started! 

    Its good you have sought some help too for you because looking back I wish I had done as I definitely couldnot cope. I think everyone would break under all that crying pressure!! 

    It got a lot better when I went back to work and he went to nursery actually so there's always that haha! 

    Just make sure you dont beat yourself up though it will all settle down in the end and it's definitely not your fault! 

    X

  • I’m going throu the same thing and I googled and this thread came up. I read the whole thing and I know it’s been a while but I want to know how things ended up. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel??? My daughter is almost five months old and literally whines or cries all the time. It drains you so much mentally and physically. Your story sounds so much like mine and I need to know how it is now and if he grew out of it. Thank you much! 

  • Hello lovely. Oh god, you must be really going through it. Are you ok? i know first hand how horrific it is to have a difficult baby! Mine is 14 months old now and so much easier! It’s been a very gradual improvement and he is still more difficult than most. But man, he is so much easier than those first months. he is still very intense and cried much more easily than others. But he has been coming on leaps and bounds in the last few months especially. A few things that helped me were - speaking to the charity Crysis (they are really lovely, and I’d like to volunteer for them one day), discovering the fussy/high needs baby Facebook group (let me know if you want more exact details of this), talking therapy (I had CBT for anxiety), getting as many breaks from the baby as you can (and know that it’s ok to not be loving motherhood). I also discovered a blog post on the dearest days blog where she talks about her difficult baby. It always helps to know that others have been through this, and it does get better. I still get hung up on things that we can’t do with our ds. Like, for example, he still wouldn’t sit in a high chair at a restaurant for any length of time without screaming the place down. But we adapt life. It’s not the picture I had in my head when pregnant, but we have a gorgeous little boy at the end of the day. He has really emotionally Tortured me, and I have felt broken on so many occasions. lots of people have told me that he will probably grow up to be a smart kid. So I hang on to that too! Lots of love to you. Hang in there! You are doing amazing . Dm me if you ever want to chat! Xxx

  • I messaged you I hope you got it 

  • Thank God for these posts it's bringing the sanity or at least comforting to know others are experiencing the same. We have a 4 month old that has been crying incestantly for that last month over anything and everything.  He's either super happy giggling or he goes into cry mode.  He starts planking and pushing away from me and then when you thought it was loud he goes one more notch on the decibel metre and goes beet red.  Then tears stream down.

    Once he sees his mom he goes into insane crying until I pass him over to her.  Then he goes back to crying.  He was getting better until about aonth ago when he fell back into the crying game.

    He is driving my wife insane and to tears.  I constantly reassure her he is fine. Our pediatrician says he's perfectly healthy. 

    I talk to other parents and none have had the same experience our demon child... Ok I feel guilty saying that but we are not enjoying Parenthood.  It's not like what we pictures it to be .  Don't get me wrong our baby is a beautiful child and we constantly get comments from others that he should model.... But they need to experience a day in our lives.

    He sleeps a good 8-10 hours a night... Thank God.  He refuses to nap and the only time we can lull him into a nap in addition with a big battle is putting him in our bed.  

    Feeding him is another contention point.  He fed well the first week he was born.  After that he'd only do half feedings.  In the last two months he's been playing this bottle game where we feed him and he passes out after a few minutes.  He wakes up cries for the bottle. Fights his feeding and passes out.....

    I look forward to the days when he cries a lot less and behaves like the babies I keep hearing about on other posts.  I feel like we were the worst parents until we found this thread.....thank you everyone:)

    and thank you for helping me reassure my wife that things will get better

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