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Help my husband understand why I can't leave our 12wk baby

-STORY-

I suffered preeclampsia, resulting in delivery at 35+1.

I was hospitalised 5 days prior to delivery.

I swelled up like a blueberry, with a minimum of 22 litres of water that had gone in and not come out - that was the point they began recording, so it was definitely more.

My blood pressure was through the roof. They kept me going for the sake of the baby's development until my kidneys had failed in two ways, and also my liver.

After 18 attempts to fit a cannula using the largest needles available and no anesthesia (I was being brave), I had to have a central line fitted in surgery, before an "emergency non-emergency" cesarean.

Once baby arrived, she didn't breathe and was taken immediately to SCBU. She fixed that issue within a few hours, but then would not feed and had to be tube fed.

She stayed in SCBU (intensive, then high dependency, then low dependency) for 2 weeks and 2 days.

Once I was released from the hospital, I stayed with her in a parents room.

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Our baby is now healthy and 12 weeks old.

I do not feel ready to leave our baby with anyone - not my own Mother, not his Mother, and not him. This is not personal to any of them.

I put this down to the trauma and science - chemicals telling me I need to be there to provide for her.

Plus, they reckon babies think their mother is an "extension of them" for at least the first three months, right?

I don't think my husband understands this at all. He has suggested these feelings are not normal for mothers, and just something I am feeling as I am being potentially difficult.

I am looking for a thread I can show him, where other Mothers share their similar attachment stories and feelings. Plus, if you can find any articles or studies out there to show my feelings are real, and actually it is beneficial to the baby that I am feeling this way, that would also be great. I know this is perfectly normal, so please help me look normal to him.

I had the most amazing anesthetist, so fully understood what happened and why. No nightmares or anything afterwards. Just the feeling that after all that hard work, I need to protect my DD! Please don't offer advice etc on that as I want the thread to remain nice and clear for hubby to view and understand.

I feel like I'm being punished for natural feelings, that are there as science needs me to provide for that little bean!

Motherhood is mad but very, very normal.

Thank you SO MUCH in advance everyone! I hope he can understand soon.

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