Need advice with MIL
My dd is 8 months old now and ever since I was pregnant my MIL became overbearing. We always got along great beforehand, but once I found out I was pregnant that became a different story. The parenting advice, product advice, endless buying of toys and clothing, input on baby names, and her throwing me a baby shower even though I stated I would not like one (I was still grateful for it, but I wished she had respected my choice). DD was unexpected so money was tight and we had to live with MIL for a while until I had enough. DD was in NICU when she was first born for two weeks and she would visit her everyday without letting us know beforehand and one time showed up without notice and I was breastfeeding my daughter and just wanted some privacy and she insisted on staying saying she didn’t mind, even though I clearly felt uncomfortable. I tried to let this pass but after DD finally could come home MIL would be knocking on our bedroom door to see DD all the time, offering advice, and constantly trying to hold her when I just wanted to bond with her alone as a family. I could not even change her in the bathroom as without fail she would come in every time to hold DD’s hand because “she liked it”. DH told her to stop intruding so much but she still continued this behaviour. As we lived there MIL invited friends over (which is fine because after all it is her house) however, she would knock on the door when I’m in my PJ’s trying to relax and catch up on sleep (as DD was waking every 45 minutes) so that these people I don’t know could come in and see “her granddaughter” as she refers her by. Everyday, I felt like I was just the mother of her granddaughter and she was no longer interested in keeping a good relationship. She would say good morning to my granddaughter without saying anything to me. There was even a number of times where DD cried in the morning and MIL came into our room to take her and go into another room, so I got up and went to take her back and MIL held DD closer to her and said that she was “fine” where she was, this made my blood boil. The problems continued and arguments started, I felt like I should have spoken up more at the time and stood my ground but I found this hard as a young FTM and felt like DH should deal with his mum. So anyways fast forward, there was a huge argument between DH and MIL and we moved that day. I didn’t visit MIL with DD for a couple of months until Christmas, and she had bought my DD “my first christmas” outfit and again I felt annoyed as I wanted her to realise that these are the things that are mother should buy, not grandma. I have let her babysit a few times, and one time we came back to pick DD up and she was in MILS arms and I had missed her while I was gone and went to pick her up and MIL again wouldn’t let me, pulling her closer and saying to her “oh mum is annoying you isn’t she, because you’re comfortable”. Every time I have seen MIL since for family outings she comes up to me straight away to snatch DD without asking. The last time she did this and I took her back and then 10 minutes later she came up to try to take her again! Now DD is 8 months old and I avoid visiting mil with DD when I can. Recently, it was Easter and she bought my DD chocolate. I was shocked and I said she won’t be having any, and MIL insisted saying “it was fine”. She also bought more clothes after the last time I visited she bought DD a shirt that says “grandma said I could” I then made it clear we have more clothes when we need. After the shirt and the chocolate, I’ve decided I don’t want her babysitting DD alone ever again as I feel she would probably sneak her foods she shouldn’t be having without me knowing, especially with how she thinks that her rules overrule mine somehow? DH was telling her to back off in the beginning but since there hasn’t been any big fights between us all again, he doesn’t really say anything to her now. He did tell her DD isn’t eating chocolate though. I guess I just really needed to vent and I’m trying to see if I’m in the wrong about any of this? Am I wrong for not wanting her to be alone with my baby? I don’t even want to visit her to be honest and I want her to have as little contact with my daughter as possible, I hate even seeing MIL hold her! She constantly bags out her other children’s wives/husbands which definitely makes me think she would do the same about me. There’s a lot of other things that have been done that I can’t look past, and I’m not sure if I can ever forgive these things. As anyone else had any similar problems or has any advice? How do I make her see that I am her mother and she is not entitled to any of these things she tries to do. She can be “nice” to me sometimes and make small talk but whenever she visits or we visit it is definitely all about her seeing our daughter. Sorry for the very long post, it has been absolutely bothering me for so long!