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New Dad Night feeds, every night

hi all

i shall word it as best i can as theres a bit to it and might be bit all over the place so bare with.

ive been looking for info or help as im sure theres others like me in same boat on this or similar.

But to sum it up, it starts off by going a long time ago i had a partner who basicly cheated on me where i was working all week which i came home to this other guy staying at the house bla bla bla where they spent alot of time on there my current patner dose similar but have more trust in her.

Now im with my current partner which she has a 10yo daugter already and we have had my baby boy of 8 weeks ( my first ) which would not change anything no matter how taxing it can be (sleep etc) which all the duties that are involved are not a problem as getting right into it.

but ive taken over doing all the night feeds, changes etc as shes a real light sleeper and me being a heavy sleeper is a challenge as i just dont hear him as tried so many times hence doing all night feeds and staying awake. now ive spoken with her and she said that shes happy as im looking after little 1 during the night and that hes a exstention of her, which i get. but do have a feeling that im loosing her in a way but that could be number of factors

now in terms of sleep we get she gets from 10pm till about 8/9am which thats sleep then shower, coffee till little one is awake which then we share between, too which im up till about 3pm then off to bed till about 10pm when she gose sleep, now ive no problem with that but on that side of things we just dont get our together time like snuggles, pillow talk and other small things,its like almost non exsistant, feels more like co hab than relationship.

now i will soon be starting a new job which will be 5am till about 2pm working which i know she will need to take over when im away durig that time, which will be hard at first.

but looking at a routine day it would be 
10pm night feeds
5am go work
2pm finish/get home
3pm sleep til 10 and repeat
weekends free sort of

now i know its gonna be tough for a while and many challenges to come but do feel partly lost and feel like walking dead at times, as its the relationship side si becoming lost in it all think part of me is just scared of loosing such a top of the line gal as well.

i know ive rambled on a bit here but any help would be great and im sure ive missed stuff somewhere lol


  • First off let me say well done for getting so involved. I must say you seem to be doing an awful lot though whilst also working. My little boy has just turned 4 months and I never once expected or asked my partner to be awake or take over night feeds as he is still working and I’m on maternity leave. If you continue to work and plan for the routine you stated I think you may burn out pretty quickly which may have a negative impact on your relationship. Yes your partner has given birth and yes you can support her but you also need a break and I can’t really see where you are getting one. Fortunately your probably getting to the point soon that you won’t need to be doing night feeds as a lot of babies start to sleep through around the 3 month mark. Can you perhaps suggest that you alternate night feeds to every other night or maybe you do them at the weekend? 
  • i know it seems alot, which it is by any means. we have the routine down atm which is going ok and well, its just what would be a womans point of view in terms of doing all of it, but like you say im sure it will get better as time gose on and will change, just bit scared of unknown as it feels wrong and right at same time 
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