Not sure whether to have a second or not??

Hi everyone.

When I was younger I always said I would never just have one child. Being an only child myself I often felt lonely, particularly on holidays and was extremely shy. Now I have Jacob, who is nearly 8 months, I'm quite surprised that I'm feeling unsure about another one. The weird thing is I keep thinking i'll feel sorry for Jacob if I have a new baby as he'll miss out on stuff. Not that I would ignore him ofcourse. I then can't imagin loving another baby the same as it won't be that first special one. Obviously I'm assuming that it would be nice for him to have a sibling but why am i soooo confused!!!

How did those of you feel that have had or are having a 2nd baby. Am I jus being really stupid feeling like this.

Jules :\?


  • Hi,

    I've been with my husband for 16 years (makes me feels ancient saying that though I'm 32!!). We decided to wait to have children due to work etc. We now have 2 gorgeous girls who are 29 months and 16 weeks. We knew as soon as we started having children that we didn't want a big age gap between them. I'm one of 3 children and so is my husband and loved growing up wih brothers and sisters.

    My hubby has a brilliant bond with our eldest and was genuinely worried that he wouldn't bond with our youngest. He couldn't see how we would find the time for them both and enough love for the new baby. I can honestly say we both feel the same love for both of the girls, it's amazing. Though it's difficult we try to give both of them individual quality time each day, yes it's not as easy as with one but it can be done.

    We love the fact that they will be company for each other and will have each other to play I need to work on hubby for baby no.3!!!!!
  • hey,

    I know the feeling! I've had exactly the same thoughts about whether I could love a 2nd baby as much as Louise. And how to cope with having 2 children wanting my attention and having to try to meet both thoier needs as well as mine and dh's!

    I guess though that if/when number 2 comes everything will fall in place and the 'love' will be there!

    no offence - but - children woth no siblings do often have different social skills to those with silblings - having a sibling gives both children someone to play with, share with, have fun with, argue with - but learn to resolve issues with........etc

  • double post

    [Modified by: Loopy Loo on March 10, 2009 12:02 PM]

  • It's nice to know Katie that I'm not the only one with these strange thoughts! I think I maybe find it hard because I was an only child myself and so haven't a clue what it's like having a brother or sister. I just hope that they would grow up close and not hate each other, although i know they will obviously argue and fight, lol.

    I quite agree Lisa that it would be of a benefit to him to have a sibling. As i said I was so shy and quiet and it took me a long time to overcome that. My parents were very protective tho. I was adopted, an only child and a girl so guess had it all going against me , lol.

    Jacob is such and angel and so well behaved and laid back. Everyone comments on how good he is. With the saying no 2 are ever the same I guess I dread that the next one would the absolute opposite.
  • i felt like that when i had daniel but belive me when you see your LO for the first time you do feel the same amount of love for your second child,also we always said we wanted 2 kids but it didnt work out llike that for us as on my second pregnancy i found out we were having twins :lol: twice the blessing

  • Tegan is just over 16months and im 35+3 with baby 2. I feel bad for actually admitting to this but up untill about a month ago i felt that i hadnt really bonded with baby no2 in any way as i was so worried about how it was going to effect Tegan and i felt bad for getting pregnant so soon and thought how could i possibly love another baby the way that i love Tegan and i guess i wont love this baby the same way i love Tegan as they are two different people, I now think that i will love them equally but in different ways, if that makes sense? sorry ive gone on a bit. but if you want another then i would go for it. xxx
  • i went through all these emotions too ...wanting another but worried jack would feel pushed out ,that i wouldnt love baby 2 as much ,jack would get jelous and be horrible BUT we have sophia 5 weeks old and i love her so so much ,jack loves her too he is always kissing and hugging her and sayin "my love u baba" and i am much more organised so find myself with more time not less ...we never used to put jack to bed just let him fall asleep ,now i bath and read him a story in bed at about 7ish and he falls asleep so i have the evenings with oh and sophia ,its worked out wonderfully ...if u want one go for it ,its the best thing ive ever done xxxxxxxxxxx
  • I think every mum feels like this at somepoint when decideding to go for number 2. However I have to agree with some of the other girls, having siblings far outways any negatives in my mind. My dad and two close friends were only children and much as all 3 were spoilt rotten, I know they all wouldve given ne thing to have had a bro or sis to play with. One of my friends even said to me she would never have just one child as she wouldnt want them to be on there own like she was. I do think it makes you slightly more selfish being an only child (all 3 of them have admitted they can be very selfish!!) I am one of 3 , so is oh. I have always wanted 3 or 4, so has he. I dont think an only child was ever an option for us as we both had such fun growing up with our siblings. They learn to share, put other b4 themselves and look after each other. Today was my 2 year olds first day at pre school and the whole time she was there her older sister didnt leave her side! It was so lovely to see my eldest looking sfter her little sister! They both dote on my 8.5 month old too! My only dilema now is whether or not to have number 4 and when??? x x x
  • This is a choice only you can make. But........
    My oldest dd was an only child for 9 1/2 years and she hated it! we had the money and took her every where (dancing, horse riding, swimming etc) and spent time with her. but she was really lonely! now i have 2 other children and another on the way and they love each other! they fight a lot but they also play together all the time! and God help anyone who gets between them! LOL
    I know how you feel about how could you love another as much but you do!!!
  • Gabe is going to be an only child for various reasons I wont bore everyone with, I would love another but it aint gonna happen...I also feel like I missed out because of having 2 siblings and 2 stepsiblings. It was horrible! I want to spoil Gabe to bits like I never was!!

    Also - I totally feel like I could never love another as much! its an awful feeling!!

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