is there anything effective I can do?

Okay I am so incredible grumpy with my family in general and just wanted an outside opinion. Today was my second daughter's 3rd birthday, and nobody not my mother, mil, any of my four siblings, or my husband's 6 siblings or the masses of extended family remembered again! Every year for my eldest daughter's birthday they send loads of gifts. For my eldest daughters birthday she received 47 birthday cards and does every year, but this is the third year in a row every last one of them has imo completely ignored my second daughter. I feel so incredibly bad for her. Luckily she is a little young to notice too much but she has been really looking forward to getting cards in the post like her big sister did and she hasn't had one... so I bought her two, but still... Last year I organized a big party for her since everyone had "forgotten" her first birthday, and sent out invites 6 weeks in advance and then reminders ten days before, and nobody showed up and yet on my eldest daughters birthday she had nearly thirty family members fly in uninvited from all over to see her. I just don't get it it makes me sooo mad. She had a great day today and has been thrilled to pieces so in that way it doesn't matter but I am quite worried what will happen over time. Is there anything I can actually do that might be effective. I sent out an email saying please feel free to call and chat with her this evening because it would absolutely make her day to her from you as it's her birthday yesterday for today to family members and she still didn't receive one call. Part of me wants to be really cross, and the other art of me just doesn't want to make things worse.



  • Aw hun, that's so horrible. I've not really got any advice, just can't understand why they treat one daughter differently? If it were me I'd tell them to stick the cards and gifts they give the eldest if they aren't going to give same to your other daughter, she will notice that she's being treated differently as she gets older.

    Hope she still had a lovely birthday. xxx
  • OMG I think thats terrable not to mention rude. Do you send them cards or call them on there birthdays if you do then this year don't bother and if they have a party don't tuen up. Maybe then they'd know how if feels. I'm glad your daughter had a lovely birthday though. x
  • ow hun that sounds awful! Your poor little girl! What is up with your family not remembering? It does'nt make ne sence to me either? And its not like a 3 year old does'nt understand about her own birthday! I don't really know what to suggest hun but did'nt want to read and run. I would be so angary if I were you too hun. Did she have ne friends over for a kids bday tea? x x x
  • Yeah I do actually send cards to everyone. When I got married my mil gave me a huge book with ALL of the families (including second cousins and divorced aunts, the works) birthdays, anniversaries, ect and told me now I was a part of the family I had duties to fill. So I suppose I take it a little harder because their family is really twitchy about it. If I don't send a card to my sil's children or to her personally, once I put a card in late, then I receive a phone call asking if I am cross or such.

    I think you are right I won't bother sending cards this year, it will save a small fortune, and would be a nice way to make a point.

    Thank you

  • I sat down and started making phone calls, just cause I wanted to ask what was up and try to politely ask if they could behave the same to each child, my mil just told that she is busy with her own things and didn't say any thing like say happy birthday for me, or hope her day went well. She just ignored my attempts to speak about it and kept changing the subject. I called my mother who has just argued with me that I have the dates wrong??? She thinks it's not for another 4 days... and my sil who actually called me to ask if I was coming up for her son's birthday said absolutely nothing when I said "just to let you know it's Aurelia's birthday today", and then when I asked if there was some reason everyone sends cards to Kaydence and not to Aurelia, she hung up! Grrrr....

  • I know ladies - let Hedgie go ahead with this and tell them to shove their cards and WE will send cards to make sure they ALL receive something in the post!!!

    Its soo hard when kids are treated differently (in my case its a bit different) but it still hurts.
  • Awe thank you, that's so very kind of you, and I do think it would be a lovely idea if we had a birthday list and sent each others los birthday cards.

    Thank you so much everyone for your support

  • This really makes me angry! Your poor daughter. I cannot understand it at all. We have a problem with our niece being favoured over our son, but this is a completely different situation, i've never heard of others favouring one sibling over another. Bizarre. How old is your oldest daughter? Could they all be so arrogant that they only send her things as she's old enough to think they are amazing if they do? So maybe inflating their egos when she thanks them? That's the only thing I can think of, and even that doesn't make sense, how odd. I would send them all a letter or email as well to say how disappointed you were that they would treat them so differently, and that you hope that they can be more adult and considerate next year. I can understand you not wanting to tell them to stick it as then your oldest daughter may feel upset when she's used to receiving so many cards etc and they don't send them to make a point to you, but by the same token like others have said, it may cause resentment. Maybe if your eldest is old enough, you could get her to say something to her family like if you're not going to send my sister gifts don't send me any as it isnt fair is it? Then maybe as it's coming from the mouth of a child they'll all feel foolish, rather than just stroppy if you said it. Although getting a child to turn down presents would be hard. Sorry they're being like this, I agree with others, we should all send them cards. xxx
  • isnt it strange though that your own family behave n the same way to her? its totally baffeling! did they send cards to kaydence when she was little? or have they only started as she's got older?
    i have to agree with the other ladies in that i would rather neither daughter get tons of cards than just one of them. its so rude!! is aurelia your middle daughter? how do they behave towards your youngest?
    i wouldn't be going to your sil's for her lads birthday anyway. all children should be treated equally in the family.
  • aawww i feel so sorry for you and your little girl. I would be so mad if that happened, i don't really have any advice but have you tried talking to them all and telling them how you feel and how your daughter will feel as she grows up xxxxx
  • How bizzare! And totally unfair.

    I have an aunt and uncle who only send cards to the eldest child - not sure why but I only realised when I was old enough to understand when my Mum told me. BUT - that was only them so I didn't notice because everyone else remembered. They dont have any children of their own.

    This is totally different as everyone on both sides of the family seem to be totally ignoring your childs birthday. What happened at christmas?

    As your phone calls have not been responded to I would write to everyone explaining how upset your daughter is. Especially considering the way you get treated if you forget to post a card! The other thing to do, although it would not be nice for your eldest, is to return the cards they send for her next birthday - but as I said that wouldn't be nice for your daughter so not really a good idea, just a thought!

    My mil gave me a list of people to send christmas cards to this year.....

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