What shall I do?

I think I am ready to move on from my relationship. I don't think I love my oh in that way anymore. I will always love him as he's the father of my kids, but it just doesn't feel the same between us anymore. It would be a nightmare if/when we split as we live together, bought a house etc etc and I'd hate to upset the kids. When do you know when it's time to move on and how do you go about doing it???

I know he wants to stay together, I'm not so sure. Life's short and I can't carry on feeling like this in a relationship....help please! xoxox

Posts

  • Hi hun I am so sorry I cannot offer you any real advice as I am going through similar with my oh and reading your post was exactly how I feel. You must feel in a state of confusion as I know I do as I really do not want to break up the family but I know things are just not happy and I know I dont love him in the same way anymore and he has even admitted to me he feels similar. The problem being is we just cannot afford to live apart for at least another year and know we have to stick together for all the family but even more so for the fact of george having his op this year. But to me these are not real reasons to be together. We already have been sleeping in seperate beds for about 6 weeks!

    I think ultimately you have to do what will make you happier as a happy mummy means happy children. I for one know I will be happier alone and the kids will be too, its just that breaking free I think is the hardest as you have so many mixed emotions. Could you maybe have a break apart and see how you both feel then as you might not want to make any permanent decisions and then miss him so much?

    I dont know if this helps but I just wanted to post and offer some sort of support as you are certainly not alone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Thanks for the replies girls. I do hope George's op goes well.

    Well I know things haven't been right between us, we've had sex, but it doesn't feel the same and we have slept in separate bed for...wait for it...6 months!! Since Kyra was born as she sleeps in with me. I don't miss him being next to me at all. It's like I'm alone anyway as he's a workaholic and when he does get time off, I feel on edge around him as I always feel an argument brewing and we bicker a few times a day when he's around.

    He came in this morning when I was sleeping and kissed me and says he misses me. I know he will beg me to stay if I attempted to leave. I just wish there was a way to go without upsetting anybody. xoxox
  • *hugs*

    Is there any chance you two just need some child free time? Sometimes the stress of having kids does put your relationship on the backburner...

    Mine and my OH relationship has been rocky for ages (before Gabe was born in fact) but he has had some time off over Xmas so we are sharing a bed again (he works nights and Gabe sometimes sleeps with me as well sooo we have seperate rooms too!) and spending time together and it feels like we are back on track.....for the time being anyway.

    It's a very hard thing to do, I don't think leaving someone is ever easy especially if you have a family

    xxx
  • I agree with Tigerlily, when me and hubby eventually get to spend some time together we remember why we were together in the first place. Sometimes I find myself feeling that me and Riley are the family unit, and then when hubby isnt working it's abit odd having him around. But then we snuggle up and watch a dvd or something, and it's all fine. He's been quite moody since Riley was born and has said afew things which have made me want to choke him, and like you it feels like treading on eggshells sometimes, but it usually sorts itself out. Also, when I was pregnant I had sinusitis, and we had to sleep separately for a week as him coughing was jarring my head and I had to keep my eyes shut to block out light etc. Anyway, that week was great! Nobody snoring and keeping me awake, stealing the quilt. Just had my own space. But it doesnt mean I don't love him, it's just nice to have space sometimes. So now we have a super kingsize bed, lol.

    But seriously, if you do think those are the only reasons you're staying with him, then it would be better for all of you if you did what would make you happy. Although I was upset when my parents divorced, I saw how much happier my mum became. I'd rather have a happy mum any day.
    xxx
  • Hiya hun

    Try putting yourself in your girls situation and see what they are seeing.

    I remember being younger and watching my parents constantly argue and my dad sometimes turning violent (not saying your partner is though) and the effect it had on me with schooling and everything was horrible. When my dad use to get in i would go to my room out of the way because i always expected a big argument. It definatly wasn't comforatble when they were together but when they split up as much as it was horrible to go with one and leave the other it ended up much better. My parents got on better and it just felt more comfortable in general.

    Its all up to you and your feelings really but don't stay together just for your children because they can get effected just as much.

    Hope all goes well for you

    Lisa xxx
  • Its a hard decision isn't it to split with someone. I feel for you. I was with my ex 7 1/2 years and I knew things weren't right but it took me 6 months to decide that it was right for us to split up - I had to be 100% sure it was the right decision - I loved him but i wasn't in love with him - and I eventually realised it wasn't working and we needed to split so we could stay friends. I can't imagine how much harder it is with kids involved.

    I think for me it was the fact that we were existing in the same house together but there was nothing else there. A friend of mine listened to me talk my thoughts out for a long time and he said to me to imagine my future - what I wanted for my life and could i see a future with the ex in it, and i went to bed and lay there and thought about all the things I hoped to do with my life and none of them included him. It still took another couple of months after that though for me to actually dump him.

    Having said that - tigerlily makes sense too about making sure you try and have some baby free time with your oh - it might help you reconnect or at least to talk. Do you get any time to yourself at all? That might help as well.

    For me it was the right decision and I'm happy now with hubby and lo, but I've always gone with 'if you aren't sure don't do anything' - better to take a bit more time to sort things out in your head than to rush into splitting up and regret it.

    hope you sort things out one way or the other
    xx
  • Aww thank you for the words of thought. It's nice to come on here and have sensible people understand me. We don't have much baby-free time as we live miles and miles away from family. Sometimes it seems like our whole relationship is revolved around the kids.

    Even now we are sitting at the table, eating Chinese and I normally would put the laptop away, but he just ate MY spring roll! It's so annoying, if he really loved me surely he wouldn't have done that! xoxox
  • Lol. I can't imagine how hard it is without family close...My mil or sil's is always there if I need a break. So it must be hard.

    Good luck with whatever you decide x
  • Well, I've gotten used to it now. It doesn't seem hard anymore, it was at first with Evie. Kind of a culture shock! But now it's a way of life. If we do stay together I imagine that we'll have to re-discover each other when they've flown the nest...but all those years in between feeling like this I dread to think about.

    Enough about my woes! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
  • hi yummy mummy,

    i was with my ex-partner for 5 years, altho there were no children involved, it took me 2 1/2 years to finally decide to leave him. my situation was different, but the feelings were still the same.

    the only bit of advice i can give is from my own personal experience, and thats think whats best for your children ( i grew up witnessing violence etc with my mum and stepdad and its not healthy-altho this is not the case with you) and also whats best for you. if the stress of it all is getting you down, your children will see this and their mood will mirror yours, and also their behaviour may change as they will see "mummy and daddy doing it" so in turn theyll use your moods and behaviour as examples of their own, the last thing you want is stressed out children playing up and havin tantrums etc.

    if i were you, id arrange to have some 'me' time with a close friend and talk it all through, make lists of what you like/dislike about your partner, get him to do the same and talk it through with eachother, without the children being there. you may find that you both feel the same, that being parents has come first for so long, that you both need to redescover why you got together in the first place,

    good luck and i really hope everything works out for you and your children
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