will they take my baby away?

hi guys, i am feeling really low today have had the odd days like this where i cant stop crying and everything brooke does annoys me, i cant bear to be around her she does my head in. when i feel like this its awful coz all i do is shout at my oh and ignore my lo. its not her fault but i dunno y i feel like this its not very often but is coming more and more frequent recently. lo is 10 months old so surely its too late to have PND?
i am worried about going to the doc coz my hubby is on AD and if i get them too im scared they will take brooke away from us as surly 2 depressed parents cant look after a baby?? i really dont want to loose my baby but i need to do something to pick myself up.

i am all alone here my family live 60miles away and i dont drive i only have one friend here and she hsa her own problems.. my friends from back home dont bother with me anymore i just feel so alone.
with only a 10 month old to talk to during the day i feel like im going crazy!

please can someone help me see the light any advice wud be appriciated..



  • Hi honey you most def can be suffering PND 10 months on and so do need to speak to your doctor, they will help you I am sure, your not alone thousands of people suffer like this and doing it in silence will just make you feel more isolated.

    Without being to rude, can you not look for a part time job or something to help you meet people and get out of the house a little bit? even if its just a couple of evenings week if you cant afford day time child care? or join a mums and toddlers group?

    You need to get out and meet people and seek help from docs we are not in the middle ages anymore and you dont have to struggle alone. Talking to a proffesional will show you how normal you are and give you invaluable advice on how to move forward from where you are now.

    Good luck chick and I hope you fell more supported and happier soon x
  • hey dunno if you read my post "so much for a better day please help" i feel like this too i shout at him sometimes and have a short temper things have come to a head today and i have asked the hv to come see me and im scared she will think im a bad mum and take him. read my post you have even mirrored what i said at some points. your not alone and its nice to know im not either.xxx
  • ahh im soo glad im not alone.. if it were just me i think id be more inclined to go doc but coz hubby is already on anti deppressants i worry that they will think we cant cope as a family..i am currently looking for work but there is nothing about which is really annoying me too..
    sunnymum21let me know how u get on with HV hopefully i will pluck up the courage to call mine xx
  • they're not going to take your baby away for going through a rough patch. they even expect it with all these tests they do, just to check that youre ok. your hubbie may be on anti-d but has this made him not manage or has it sorted him out. if you have a problem and you're dealing with it why would that mean you cant cope. if you're feeling like this then you really should go to a dr, by recognising your probnlems that makes you a good mum and not a bad one. if you're worried about it all going on record still, then why dont you call nhs direct you can be anonymous and then once they've reassured you you could do the face to face thing. really hope you are feeling better soon, take care of yourself.
  • i know it is daunting just thinking about going to a mother and baby group on my own. the thought of walking in and every1 looking terrifies me!!! its exactly what i need though adult company away from hubby!!! u have hit the nail on the head artyfarty2005!! but how do i get the confidence to just stroll in!!
  • I think the hv would just make some suggestions about things you can try, they know that what you're going through is an illness and doesn't make you a bad mum. I'm in no position to talk though as I was so down after having my first baby and I lied to the hv when doing the pnd questionnaire and pretended to be fine. Luckily I felt better after a few months but I wish I'd been honest and got help earlier (don't think I had pnd but was very low for a while).

    I know this sounds daft but exercise helped me- just pushing the baby out in her pram- plus her crying didn't seem as loud outside! Sort of let me work off some of the frustration.

    Your hv should tell you about local groups, or maybe she could put you in contact with a couple of the other mums she looks after.

    You're definitely not alone. Good luck. xxx
  • sweetheart, you do need to speak to someone hv or doc...
    they will not judge you at all, it shows you care for your baby by going as it means you know somethings not right your not acting yourself and you want help and advice!

    my friend has a 1 year old now but she got put on tablets for depression when lo was about 3 months then hubby lost job and things seem to go downhill so he went on anti depressants... the haven never been judged they dont get checked on theres no question over them being parents!

    so go for it!!!

  • hi. i have had pnd after all 5 of my kids. sometimes straight after birth and sometimes quite a few months after.
    thye definatly won't take your baby away from you. this is just how i felt. i daren't go for help as i thought they would judge me as a bad mum. but eventually when i plucked the courage up to go to the docs he was very helpful and sympathetic. my hv was great as well.
    i know that when you are feeling like you are it is hard and easier said than done but try not to worry and please go get some help. hope you feel better soon. take care.xxxx
  • Hi. I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling low at the moment. I haven't really got any sound advice for you, but I didn't just want to read and run. As others have suggested I do think you need to speak to someone - perhaps your HV first then your GP? Nobody will judge you and will only want to help you get through this. And certainly I can't imagine anybody would try and take your baby away. By seeking help, it is an indication that you want to make things better and improve things.
    Perhaps ask your HV if there is any new classes / groups starting up in your area. This way, you'll all be new mum's starting together, so this may give a bit more confidence to go. I know it can be daunting to turn up to these things, but it does sound like just the thing you need. Hope things start to get better better soon. xx
  • hey chick it def sounds like you need to get out and meet some new faces,try joining this website www.netmums.com someone on baby expert told me about it yesterday,so i joined.its a site where you talk to people in your area and can even meet up.why dont you join,you might make some good friends.i had pnd (my baby 4months) and luckily i decided to get off my butt an go out (plus this site helped me) but i do know how daunting it is to make that 1st step.hope you and sunnymum21 are feeling better soon,becky xx
  • hey chick it def sounds like you need to get out and meet some new faces,try joining this website www.netmums.com someone on baby expert told me about it yesterday,so i joined.its a site where you talk to people in your area and can even meet up.why dont you join,you might make some good friends.i had pnd (my baby 4months) and luckily i decided to get off my butt an go out (plus this site helped me) but i do know how daunting it is to make that 1st step.hope you and sunnymum21 are feeling better soon,becky xx
  • upsy_daisy and sunnymum21 please don't feel afraid to seek help - you will be praised for doing so, not frowned upon! I've had a mild form of PND with 3 of my kids and when it hit me the 4th time it hit hard and I hid away for a while........bad move for me as I ended up with seperation anxiety and panic attacks on top of the depression!

    Having someone to talk to does help, whether thats family, friend or healthvisitor - if someone's listening to you and not judging you, it makes a huge difference. Just posting on here helps too, as there are hundreds of ears!!!!

    As becky25 suggested, a site such as netmums is brilliant. I used to be a member when I lived in England and found really useful. You can find mums etc in ur area, also looking for friends etc and that will help the loneliness and 'adult' chat aspects.

    Take Care, don't bottle things up and more importantly always remember - YOU ARE FAB MUM'S!!!!! xxx
  • Hi I came across this in the times on monday and thought it was an excellent reply and very interesting.I have had/have pnd with both my los and after finally seeking help this time around my hv has really hepled me and I am in the middle of having counselling at the mo.
    You can get through this the hardest part is reaching out for help.

    From The TimesMay 26, 2008

    Depression stops me caring for my son
    Dr Tanya Byron, Q&A
    Two years after the birth of my son, my postnatal depression has lingered and become a smothering layer that I am struggling to overcome.

    I went from having a full-time job in the outdoors to being a stay-at-home mum, which led to cabin fever and a return to office work part-time. After a traumatic birth by emergency Caesarean section, and despite breast-feeding (which I did not enjoy), I felt the bond that I should have developed with my son was not there, which made me feel inadequate. It also brought up feelings towards my own parents, who have never been physically affectionate or said ???????I love you??????? to my brothers and me, making it feel unnatural to express this to my son.

    I have twice had sessions of cognitive behaviour therapy, which identified how hard I had been on myself. But my emotional resilience has ebbed away to the point where I am medicating with food once more. As a concession to failure, I finally saw my doctor, who prescribed Prozac and a book list. This was discouraging to say the least.

    I rationalise and try to appreciate my life every day, but struggle to give of myself to my quick-witted, perceptive boy.


    You describe a feeling common to so many women after the birth of their baby. It is an illness, not a person- ality flaw. It is a mental illness which, like a physical illness, requires careful assessment and treatment tailor-made for the symptoms.

    Although we are more able to talk openly about having mental health difficulties, the stigma attached to having them still exists. While no one is embarrassed about having diabetes or cancer, those who suffer from depression, anxiety or any other mental health difficulty usually find it so difficult to acknowledge openly and without feeling a sense of being a failure. For you, Anabel, these feelings of being a failure are compounded when the mental health difficulties leave you, as a new mother, struggling to find an attachment with your baby.

    For you to have never been helped to find the right treatment makes me feel angry on your behalf because no one should have to struggle through each day and feel an increasing sense of low self-worth when there are available and recognised treatments available.

    These treatments will work for you when you are thought about holistically and given time to talk through everything that you think, feel and do. Holistic thinking means a recognition of you as a complete human being - a complex and unique combination of your biological functioning, your psychological states and your social circumstances.

    It is clear that you are suffering across these three domains - biologically you are clearly compromised, psychologically you find it hard to make positive sense of the world and socially your life/work balance has shifted to such a degree that you are no longer fulfilled or content. Over two years, the interactions between these factors have led to a worsening sense of helplessness and hopelessness and an entrenched state of depression. These feelings in turn lead you to have such profoundly negative thoughts and feelings that they conspire to cause problems with relationships - particularly with your little boy - and this leads to a reinforcing of a strong underlying belief that you have developed about yourself - a belief that tells you every day that you are worthless and useless.

    Like so many women, you are also a severe self-critic. I can imagine how virtually all you do leads to a harsh, loud voice telling you how bad you are - whether that's eating food to comfort yourself (the voice tells you that you are greedy and fat) or just not feeling the spark for your little one (the voice tells you that you don't deserve to be a mother) and so on. You say that ???????as a concession to failure??????? you went to see your GP who prescribed pills and books and that this left you feeling more helpless than ever before. I am curious as to why that is a failure.

    Let me ask you this, given that you are ill. Would you have a) tried to think yourself out of a breast lump and b) felt that by going to the doctor to get the lump checked and it needing medical intervention, that you had somehow failed? Anabel, I think that your emotional wounds are deep and infected now because the depression really has a pernicious grip - you need professional care to get better.

    Let's consider your journey to recovery (and you will complete this journey, I know it). Your depression responds best to a combination of cognitive behavioural therapy and antidepressant medication. These medications have had a bad press recently and let me be clear that I am no advocate of the ???????take a pill and you'll feel better??????? attitude when it comes to mental health. Sure, physical health problems require a good assessment of symptoms and a medical ???????cure??????? but mental health is more complex and requires a more delicate balancing of pharmacological (when appropriate) and psychological treatments and social support. But I have seen that when prescribed properly, such medications (alongside appropriate therapeutic treatments) can make an amazing difference to the most unhappy person.

    Find yourself a GP with a good understanding of medications for depression (Prozac is not the only answer and there are many newer medications that offer relief in a number of different ways). See the medication as a bolster. It will boost the mood-stabilising neurochemicals in your brain which may be depleted because of the long-term erosion of your depression. The right medication will feel like opening the curtains on a dark room and letting the sunlight flood in. Medi- cations don't solve your problems for you but, with support, they enable you to begin to think clearly and move on. Then find the right person to offer you counselling and support. Look at www.depressionaliance.org, www.netdoctor.co.uk, www.mind.org.uk and www.pni.org.uk for more information and support.

    Do this, Anabel, because you owe it to your son. Actually you owe it mostly to yourself.

    Work or family problems? E-mail: [email protected]

    or write to her at: times2, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT

    Include your name, age, address and telephone number. Dr Byron cannot enter into personal correspondence

  • well theres not a lot more to say after all that - i rely on this site a lot for advice and this threads a nice example of what caring mummies are on here to look out for each other. I'd never heard of net mums but it sounds brilliant. i was going to suggest seeing if there was anyone near you on this site - either thru this thread or thru the mums in touch forum thats on here. Whereabouts are you from? (or would you prefer not to say on here?)
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