I am ready to give up

hi girls

i am so down at the moment i am ready to just stay in bed for all of next year.

as u know i just split up with my boy's dad. i was in a flap last week about gettin my income support set up but managed to get it done straight away within a week.

now tho, cos HE hasnt declared to the benefits office that he has moved out, he is still listed here at my address even though i have told them he moved out. so they have stopped my income support while they investigate, I am so angry with him. why is he doing this? i again have no money. and he wont give me any money towards the boys. he said i can have ??40 this week, then just wot i get off the csa there after which is just a tenner. why should he have the right to see his kids if he cant pay for them?

I am so so unhappy, i feel depressed. i am up and down and when i am down i sob my heart out. at college on thursday i cried infront of everyone. i felt like such an idiot! And today, now this has happened i am just so down and i cant stop crying. i am crying now.

I was supposed to split with him cos i was unhappy and to make a better life for my boys but now they just see their mummy crying all the time. i feel so bad. I just want to run away with my boys where he cant find us so we can get on with it and nothing to thank him for (not that we have anything to thank him for now) I reallt think i am starting to hate him, i certainly dont love him anymore!!

Sorry this sounds all jibberish! Just wanted to write it down to see if it made me feel any better but it hasnt

i am so stressed about xmas next week. there is no way we can have a lovely special day now image

Posts

  • Aw hun, what a horrible time for you. I can't believe your ex is being like this and willingly depriving his kids. It must be so hard for you to cope on what he's giving you.

    Obviously you will feel dreadful at the moment, but hopefully once you get your finances sorted out you'll start to feel happier. You'll have a short while of misery while you try to get sorted, but you would have had a lifetime of being miserable if you stayed with him- that would have been worse for your boys and you.

    And hopefully you can still have a really special christmas with your boys- they won't need loads of fancy presents just a lovely day with their mum. Maybe you could open pressies throughout the day and then do something in between like watching films or playing out?

    I really hope things get better for you soon. xxx
  • Aww hunni! i feel for you. I wish i could make it better! I really dont know what to suggest but just wanted you to know im always here for you and i always have my phone on me at work so you can text me anytime if your feeling down. love ya lots xxx
  • Big hugs hun. Not much advice sorry but I'm thinking of you. Things can only get better! xx
  • Babe have nothing helpful to say except I'm so sorry your going through all this and expecially at this time of year. Will be thinking of you and it's a good thing to get it all off your chest on here-that's what we here for xx
  • (((hugs))) Sorry things are going so rough for you. I half wonder if you are separating from the same person as me??? image I have been struggling to convience child benefits that the children have been with me all this time, but because my ex claimed them initially and they have "evidence" to suggest they live with him still, he is still claiming it and they are investigating. We haven't even seen him in over four months, much less had a penny off the child benefit back. In positive the investigation is slowly coming around for me as they have finally issued me a claim number as of today and are hoping to resolve the matter in 4 - 6 weeks...ekkk! But I can't claim housing benefit or working tax credit until the child benefit has been successfully changed. I really feel for you. I hope they resolve it soon and back pay you for the period you are missing.

    Best wishes

    xx
  • You can get a crisis loan off income support which should sort you out for food etc over xmas & then if you are still being investigated then get a budgeting loan- tell them you need oil or something!

    DON'T let him ruin xmas for you. Men are NOT worth it! Maybe I am cynical but I think this because of the experience with my LOs dad but anyway.....

    You can go to asda & tescos & get loads of food at cheap price & so long as you bung plenty of fatty butter & herbs etc at it it'll taste lush so xmas dinner sorted.

    As for the living situation I hope you have changed the locks on your doors, added expense I know but definitely worth it save him moseying back in when you least expect or want it!

    Your going through a break-up which are always difficult enough in themself but because you have babies with him makes it even worse & trying to stay on top of things is all a bit much at times.

    Is there any way in which you can leave college early? ask your tutor for your work to do over the xmas period & go? it'd be one less thing to worry about & would give you an escape if you get a spare minute at home to think about things.
    i would definitely speak to the income support though about the money at the end of the day you have children who need fed, they need a roof over their heads & heat in their bodies & why in the hell should some asshole man walking out on his responsibilities change those kids lives because the government need to push some paper about to get things done?!?!

    Hmmmm ranting here but anyway hope you get sorted love, stick up for yourself & do what you think is right xxxx
  • You can get a crisis loan off income support which should sort you out for food etc over xmas & then if you are still being investigated then get a budgeting loan- tell them you need oil or something!

    DON'T let him ruin xmas for you. Men are NOT worth it! Maybe I am cynical but I think this because of the experience with my LOs dad but anyway.....

    You can go to asda & tescos & get loads of food at cheap price & so long as you bung plenty of fatty butter & herbs etc at it it'll taste lush so xmas dinner sorted.

    As for the living situation I hope you have changed the locks on your doors, added expense I know but definitely worth it save him moseying back in when you least expect or want it!

    Your going through a break-up which are always difficult enough in themself but because you have babies with him makes it even worse & trying to stay on top of things is all a bit much at times.

    Is there any way in which you can leave college early? ask your tutor for your work to do over the xmas period & go? it'd be one less thing to worry about & would give you an escape if you get a spare minute at home to think about things.
    i would definitely speak to the income support though about the money at the end of the day you have children who need fed, they need a roof over their heads & heat in their bodies & why in the hell should some asshole man walking out on his responsibilities change those kids lives because the government need to push some paper about to get things done?!?!

    Hmmmm ranting here but anyway hope you get sorted love, stick up for yourself & do what you think is right xxxx
  • Hedgie - don't delay in claiming Housing Benefit, you can claim without the child benefit, you just won't get as much. When the child benefit is sorted they can then review your claim
  • HI girls. Thanks for all your replies. I managed to sort the income support, they realised it was an error, down to him. but its sorted now image

    I am making an appointment with my doctor cos i feel really down. Gonna see if he will write me a letter to take to the council to see if i can get a council house near my parents. i am so unhapppy here. Think it will work?? xxxx
  • hey hope all goes well 4 u n d boys, merry christmas n u'v got peeps here supportin u so lets no how it goes. fingers crossed
  • Hi

    thanks for ur replies.

    no she couldnt help me out. she said i was depressed cos of the split and i should feel better soon. so am gonna have to private rent. but gotta save up first. its gonna take ages and i just want out. i hate it here.

    I had a nice christmas. was different but nice. now just dreading new years eve. Am having up and down days. today is a down day but i'll get there.

    Cant wait for my interview. its the 14th of January. If i get in it will be amazing!!!

    xxxx
  • hey,

    am glad u had a nice christmas, try and think of new year as being a new start for you and your boys even if it is going to be tough to begin with. Could you move in with your parents? Was just wondering.....if they live quite far away, you could move in with them and then contact thier council about housing?

    Lisa
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