grrrrrr so angry with nursery

ok, so I dont believe in controlled crying, its just not for us (nothing against those that do). Found out today that they've been using it with Tyler to get him to sleep. Read his book and it says 'put him in cot awake, cried for a few minutes before settling himself', he has never been left to cry !!!!



  • I'm sorry this isn't the response you were looking for... but I wouldnt class a "few minutes" as controlled crying. and at the end of that few minutes... hey presto - he fell asleep. Doesn't that say something?

    I can see that it looks like they've gone against what you would do.. but he's obviously not been harmed in any way shape or form has he? He may have been a little over tired and grouchy? And by having a 2minute cry he's settle himself to sleep - which is good for him surely? He got a nice nap which is what he needed.

    I think personally it's better they allowed him to settle himself for a "few minutes" than fussed over him and rocked him to sleep? I'm pretty certain they would have kept a VERY close eye on him and would never have put him down knowing he was hungry/dirty nappy or anything. They obviously knew he just needed a sleep.

    I think they could have done a LOT worse to be honest.
  • have you stipulated that he is to be rocked/held to sleep or left to get over tired if he doesnt want to sleep? have you asked what thier policy is on sleep?

    i think if your not happy you need to tell them how you would like him delt with if he wont go down
  • Can I ask why you dont believe in controlled crying? I don't want to start a debate, but I am curious as to why people don't believe in it?
  • I can see why you were angry, it's scary enough for th being away from their being left to cry would be horiblw
    for him!

    Your definition of a fee minutes and theirs could differ greatly...for all
    you know it could have been half an hour! If it's not what you do ay home then of cours it's going to be detremental for both you and your ickle man! I'd be fuming!
  • Sorry for on phone! X
  • Im sure they wouldnt leave it to cry for half an hour. Ask them to clarify this for you perhaps and give them some feed back on how you feel about it. But perhaps when nursery staff have a few children to be seeing to, and looking after it would be unreasonable to expect them to "aid" him in getting to sleep, if he's capeable of going to sleep on his own?

    obviously if when theyve said a few minutes they mean more than 2-3mins thats something you can argue with, but like I say I'm sure they checked on him and im sure if he got too upset they would go straight back to see to him.
  • Hi i had a falling out with dd1's nursery when she was little so i know how angry you must feel right now.
    take a deep breathe try not to think about it until the morning and you will honestly feel alot calmer when you need to go and speak to the room leader about this issue. just tell them you are not comfortable with your lo being left to cry when put down to sleep and talk to them about how they do things and how you would like things done. i do think you need to speak to them first thing tomorrow tho otherwise it will annoy you everytime you leave lo there xx
  • I'm sorry that they've done this. I'm putting Hugo in to nursery in a few months time so 'how do you get him to sleep?' is going on my list of questions to clarify on the first day!

    Just a thought though, presumably he was put down in a sleeping room with other babies so I'm sure they wouldn't have left him there to cry for very long or in a very distressed state, or they would risk waking all the other babies?

  • oh sarah - sorry that this happened - i think that you need to clarify exactly what a few minutes is as one or two is normal - over five i would say is controlled crying.

    Def have a meeting to discuss boundaries. If it was only 2 minutes then that is fab self settling - well done tyler x ps hows work going x
  • I can totaaly see why you are annoyed but if I'm honest I think this is something that happens when hey go to nursery or are minded by wany one else (not the crying specifically) what I mean is no one will look after your lo the way you will and unfortunately at nurseries they have a lot of children to look after and your child can't get the one to one attention they receive at home, like some one else mentioned it could be that there are 4 other children at the same time to go down and if all had to be rocked to sleep etc either yours or some ones elses child might not be going down at their normal time etc etc.

    I am not condoning their behaviour and I do think that you should speak to them about it and see if it is possible for them to be as close to your care but unfortunatly this won't always happen (Ihave a DS at 6 who has had 2 types of care while I'm at work so I honestly sympathise with you) my issue was with his potty training and I was so annoyed as I am so fussy with him but I have to work and he has to be minded and they weren't in the wrong just did things a different way and I had to accept and compromise image

    Hope you get something sorted with them chick xx
  • Firstly ((((((hugs))))))

    I can understand that you trust them with Ty and want him looking after a certain way, are they aware of your views on cc and why you don't want it used on Ty?

    At the end of the day Sarah, you pay them to look after him you have a right for him to be looked after in the way you want and if they cant do this they should have told you. Plus there is a massive trust issue here, he is the most prized possession you have and yes leaving him to cry he comes to no harm, however you need to be able to trust them to look after him according to your wishes, if you cant trust them how can you feel confident in their care in other ways. I agree with wannababy speak to them first thing to clear this up.

    Big cuddles for Ty too

  • i wouldnt class this as cc either having read about it. cc is leaving them for so long, then going back, then leaving them again etc. souds like your child took a "few" minutes of being so unsettled he was crying to get himself to settle. this is what my dd does sometimes. she might cry for 2-5 mins and is then asleep. with cc the process goes on for ages until the baby falls asleep.
  • Oh god i'd kill them. Just the thought of my little man crying when I'm not there aches. It's not like he can speak up for himself or Phone me to come pick him up, so the person I leave him with should be apt enough to deal with him when he's tired. At most there should be 3 children to one nanny in a nursery so although there may be a lot of children there, really, it's down to threes

    this is my worst fear about going back to work. Nursery I can handle, being away from him fine.. But when he cries and I'm not there....heart wrenching. An if that crying is let happen by someone I'm PAYING to look after him...that's just wrong!
  • Not at all to argue as it could be different but a maths class of mine before i went off on maternity was a childcare group and part of their assignment was organising their nursery including the ratio of staff and it varied from 1 to 3 right up until 1 to 8??!! My son is in extended childcare and it is 1 to 4 but she can have up to 1 to 5. Again I'm not sure of ages and if this ratio changes the older the children are etc etc but even the nursery my neice has been in from she was a baby is no where near 1 to 3 which or course would be ideal but isn't always the case xx
  • I am with calleigh, to me controlled crying is, like you say, 2-5 minutes. Unless you are ther you will never truly know what is going on and that is scary, My little man goes to nursery in sept and this scares me. I believe in controlled crying, but how do you know exactly how well they do it?? I would be equally annoyed if they shoved a dummy in his mouth.

  • I think you've every right to feel angry and upset hun, I'd be totally fuming if nursery did that with Freddie.

    We're in the same boat with regards to crying (as we've mentioned before!) and I put on Freddie's likes and dislikes that we do not ever leave him to cry as he's sick. So if I found out that that's what they'd done I'd be straight onto the manager.

    Big hugs for you and Tyler, let us know how you get on sorting it

  • If the child is under 1 it's strictly 1:3 if it's any more and the care commission get wind they'd be severly repremanded
  • Thanks for the responses, they said that the sleep room was empty so he wasn't disturbing any babies. I've made a list of the way I get him to sleep and it works, and they were doing this.

    The fact that when i picked him up his eyes were more swollen than i have seen which made me comment on it makes me wonder how long he was crying for.

    As for CC, its not for us as if Ty is left to cry for any period of time he is sick everywhere, and not just abit. The entire contents of his little tummy come up, its horrific, its just not the way I want to settle my little man, upset to the extent he is sick. I agree it works well for some, but its not for us.

    I'll be having a word on Tuesday when he's back in, the ratio is 1:3 and there is only 1 other there at the moment due to it being half term.

  • Hi Lillykitt,

    Sending a massive hug that would really have upset me too! I hate hearing my little diva cry and knowing that she had been upset and not got a cuddle would have really upset me and i would definatly have a word with the nursery and say that you are unhappy and what you want to happen in that situation! At the end of the day you are paying them so you have the right to say how you feel!

    Love rena x
  • I am with linziMc on this. Sorry but I really do not feel it is a nursery nurses job to rock little ones to sleep. I do not think crying for a few minutes before falling asleep is anything to worry about - children cry when they are tired. The nursery surely does not have the staff ratios to rock children to sleep or sit with them until they fall asleep as others will lose out.
    Having said that...maybe just check what they mean by 'a few minutes'?? Because it is not nice to think he has been distressed by no one going to him. And is he crying or hysterical?
    I always feel that some people (not the op), expect too much one-to-one from nurseries and childminders...if that is how some parents feel then they need nannies not nurseries.
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