hi could someone please help me...

my lo is 20weeks old and at night, he sleeps fine in his cot, he has a big bottle and goes straight to sleep most of the time, but he isnt going down until about 10pm. when he naps during the day, he doesnt go in his cot and i want him to, he will sleep on me or sometimes in the pushchair which is left in the corridor. i want to get him to bed earlier but we tried for a few nights controlled crying, but it was awful, i put him in the cot and said night and left the room, immediatly he cried, so i went back in 10mins later and rubbed his head and shhh'ed, and left the room again, i did this every 10 mins for an hour and on day one he didnt stop crying the whole time, and in the end i fed him and he went down ok after (when i put him to bed, he seemed tired, not hungry) day 2 did the same and he finally fell asleep 55mins after we started. im just not sure if he is too young for controlled crying? he is a very demanding baby, needs constant attention and if he is left on his own for a second he cries and he wont every play alone, i know that if i go and pick him up he will stop crying straight away! so today decided to try getting him used to the cot, so took him up a while ago and played with him in the cot and when he seemed tired i left the room, and am now going up every 10mins to shhhh and rub his head, he is due a nap. please help i hate leaving him crying but i need him to stop being so clingy!!!



  • Sorry I don't really have any real advice for you but I don't think that 20 weeks is too early to start controlled crying. I hope you come right with it.
  • You will probably get differing opinions on this, but to me 20 weeks is too young for CC, yes. Rachel was much the same at that age, and we broke the habit with a mixture of the 'ssh pat' method and controlled withdrawal.

    Pat LO gently on their chest whilst saying 'sssh' in a low voice so they get reassurance from you being nearby, and it will calm them down. When they are relaxed, sit near them until they fall asleep. After 2 or 3 days, move a little further away, so they can still see you but do not have direct` contact with you

    Every few days, move a little further away, progressing to standing in the doorway and eventually outside the room, so they know you are there, but do not need to see you or feel you there for comfort.

    This worked a treat, but does take a while. I found it a lot easier on my nerves than CC though, it upset me too much to leave her to cry at such a young age.


    Hannah xx
  • I know how you feel, my lo used to be like this. After about 6 months I started cc but before that I used to put the hairdryer on or play a white noise cd and that would help to settle him and get him to sleep. I tried other things like shushing and patting but it just got him and and me more worked up!

    How long is he awake for before a nap? Does he have any toys in his cot that he can play with before he goes to sleep? My lo has a mobile and a few stuffed toys. Sometimes if he's crying when I put him down I give him a dummy which he just plays with for a bit (doesn't suck it would never have one!), this just keeps him occupied for a bit and I tend to find that if he's not crying when I leave the room he doesn't get that worked up.

    Does he have a dummy? He might just be wanting a feed for comfort so a dummy might help there. x
  • Hello,
    We had a nursery nurse come to see us yesterday about trying to get my lo to sleep longer at night times and stay asleep. We had tried literally EVERYTHING. She told us that normally they sugest CC from 6 months but as we'd tried everything else we cud give it a shot. My lo is 20 weeks this weekend. She said becaue he is young to start with 5 mins and increase to a max of 7 mins.
    Hope this helps.
  • Our helath Visitor suggested controlled crying at about 10 weeks. As long as we knew there was nothing else wrong with him.
    We didn't do it then but we did do it (sort of) at about 18 weeks.
    We wanted our LO off the dummy, so we let him cry and went in and quickly picked him up, then put him down every 5 mins. The first 2 nights took about an hour of crying but after about a week he was settling himself. He has nearly all his naps in his cot, settling himself now. i do occassionally use the hairdryer if he is having a really bad crying fit too but not often!
    It worked for us and we are much happier that he can settle himself to sleep now
  • thanks for the advice. lo had a dummy but decided he didnt want it from 3 months so he wont have one now, yes he has a mobile and a few toys in his cot but he wont even look at them when he goes in his cot! he just crys straight away! i might try the hairdryer, he is awake for at least a couple of hours before i try to put him down.when i tried earlier i went up every 10mins for 40 mins and he was in a right state so i picked him up and let him fall asleep on me, in our room, then when he was asleep i put him in the cot and he slept there for 10mins before he woke and i brought him downstairs! its so frustrating, i cant even type this becaise he needs attentions so he is sitting on my knee! i need 5 mins to myself!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ashy x
  • I dont think you have a clingy baby - sounds like a baby to me!
  • oh hun, i know how you feel-ive been there, my lo was exactly the same at this age. i tried and tried to get him napping in his cot but it just didnt work. it was an incredibly difficult time, i found it so stressful.i gave up in the end and catered to his every whimper. i let him take every nap on me and fed him to sleep every night. we finally had a peaceful household and a contented baby. for naps, i'd get comfy on the bed, put pillows around us and go on the internet or read a book whilst he slept. he was getting the rest he needed and i was getting a break too.

    He's now 11 months old, falls asleep at bedtime all by himself without a whimper and naps in his pram during the day (he still fights naps but no-where near as badly, i just have to rock him for a few minutes, this is far less exhausting than listening to him scream and hanging over his cot patting and shhing him).

    He's not demanding at all anymore, he will happily play on his own whlst i get on with things around the house.

    Im not saying this is the answer for you but just wanted to share my experience. Babies go through these phases, i don't think you can stop him being clingy, he'll become more independant when he's ready and the more confidence you instill in him now, the quicker it will happen-it won't be like this forever xx

  • You could also try doing some kind of wind down routine before you put him down. So as soon as he starts to get tired like yawning, rubbing his eyes etc, make things really low key so he doesn't get over stimulated. Try and do the same thing everytime you put him down so he knows that its nap time, shut the curtains, say its nap time or something along those lines.
    Do you swaddle him? I suppose 20 weeks is a bit late to start but I went back to swaddling for a bit so that lo slept longer for his naps and it worked. It just stopped him getting so wound up because he couldn't fling his arms everywhere! For a bit I used to swaddle him, put him down then if he cried I would pat and shh him. Sometimes it did work but in the end I did resort to cc. x
  • Just to add, ive nothing against cc-we've done it to try and get lo sleeping through (we did it at 10 months) but it didn't work for us, i just think some babies will only do things when they're good and ready x
  • thanks ladies, glad im not the only to go through this, and like you say, hopfully its a phase. no i dont swaddle him anymore, we did until he was 2 months old then stopped as he likes being able to stretch out when asleep. do you think this will work...just letting him fall asleep on us then putting him in the cot, so when he wakes up, he sees his cot and gets used to it that way? he is in his cot at the moment after falling asleep on me! and has been up there for 15 mins so far! i also did this earlier and he slept for 20mins in there which is an improvment!

  • Sorry to hear youre having a bit of a struggle with lo, i'm a definante advocate of cc but it is hard.

    With my lo when we first wanted her to sleep in her cot we did it just for naps, so then at night time she didnt panic and get herself all worked up as she wouldnt sleep the night then. To get her to sleep in her cot I used to go in with her for her nap, put on a mobile and just stand with her for a bit. Then i'd walk towards the door with my back to her, if she cried I would talk to her without turning to her. I also used to put her in the exact same outfit as she would wear for bed at first (now she just sleeps in her clothes but still goes in her sleeping bag). After about a week she began napping fine in the cot so then we began the cot for bedtime.

    The first night we had to put the moses basket in the cot, but the 2nd night she went straight down with no problems. She has a cuddly toy cat and a muslin cloth in bed (she loves to have these and puts them right up against her face) as these are her security, she then has a musical light projector. We'll read a book, have milk and then she goes to sleep with the projector on.

    We have seperate routines now for nap and night, and the mobile is just for naps and the projector for night.

    I think perserverence is key with most babies if you are trying to settle them into something they are not used to as as soon as you give in they'll learn what they need to do to get you to do what they want not what you want.
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