offended my mum, what would you have done ?

Hi Ladies

My mum and husband have never really seen eye to eye, even though we've been together since we were 17 (15 years), are married and have recently had our little boy. Anyway, my parents have two labradoodles who are quite boisterous and jump over everyone, including me when I bring the baby to see them. They have looked after our baby overnight a few times which is fine as they are fantastic grandparents who love him to bits. However, their dogs are their babies and they are allowed to sit on the settees etc, our baby was supposed to be staying down there tonight whilst I go out (rare occasion), but my hubs has now decided that unless the dogs are kept in a different room, our baby cant go down there as he is terrified of our baby being bitten as you always hear on the news about babies being mauled in their grandparents house. I see his point, I cant ask my parent to lock the dogs away as its their house and i know what their response will be (offended), so now he's not staying down there again.

As I mentioned they are fantastic grandparents who would never let anything happen to our baby, but my hubs says the risk is there and it would only take one bite.

What would you have done ?

sarah+tyler(12 weeks)


  • personally, i wld've spoken to my parents about hubby's concerns, and said about why ur worried taht there is a small risk, but nevertheless a rsik, that dogs do soemtimes turn on babies, and perhaps ur parents cld either keep baby separate fromt he dogs or suggest that they keep a very close eye and never ever leave the dogs alone with baby, not for one 1 second (but personally i think that shld be the case anyway). i see ur husbands point of view, with any dog there is always a risk and u can never 100% trust them, but i think aslong as someone is keeping wtach and close to baby all the time then it wld be fine. we've just been to stay at the in laws for a week who have a little jack russel, ds and him got on fabulously but if they were together then one of us was on the floor playing with them, and any sign of the dog getting a bit uppity and ds wld've been swept off the floor and taken to safety. u never know, perhaps ur parents me even agree with ur Oh and agree to keep the dogs out the way whilst lo is there, and then let the dogs back in once lo is in bed, u don't know until u ask, personally i think they'd be more offended if u just cancel without any explanation....

    hope u get it sorted and hope u manage to enjoy ur night out (assuming ur hubby is either busy elsewhere or coming out with u, otehrwise he cld have lo whilst u finally have a night out urself....)

  • That's an awkward situation but at the end of the day your LO's safety is the primary concern and I'm sure your parents would agree. As Wowbaby says, they might agree with your husband and agree to lock the dogs away while your LO is with them - it's only one night after all (and not even the whole night as I'm sure your LO goes to bed pretty early!). If they refuse to believe there is even a chance that they might harm your LO, even inadvertently, then I think your husband is probably right or at least justified in his stance - better to be safe than sorry. If your parents really don't want to lock the dogs up for even one night, then I agree that it is better that your LO doesn't stay with them unless you or your husband are there too. The sad fact is that dogs can sometimes harm babies even when they don't mean to - and the owners always say they thought it was perfectly safe. Of course your parents would never leave your LO with the dogs if they thought there was any danger, but that's the problem - no one ever thinks there is a risk until it's too late.

    Good luck!
    C image
  • hello

    i think it depends on how the dog/baby relationship is seen, i visited my friend this week who has three dogs two little and a massive one, the big dog is very wary of babies but the other two like to nosy, my friend would never leave the baby unattended with the dogs and if they get roudy or she cannot be right next to the baby (she has a little girl) they are in another room with a baby gate so they can still be involved but protected

    if they are like this then i personally wouldnt be worried, however if they dont see the possible danger and are happy to leave bubs on the playmat for example and let the dogs in the room unsupervised then it is a problem and needs careful handling. they may never intentionally let anything happen to bubs but dogs are not human and dont understand risks, not just biting but smothering or rough play.

    as there are difficulties between hubby and your mum i would maybe express the fears as your own instead of his. maybe suggest a stair gate to seperate them when bubs is not being held or that he has to be in a playpen until hes a bit older.
  • We have a similr situation in that my mum has 2 labradors and my mum and stepdad treat them like babies. However, my 2 boys are being looked after by my mum at the moment (im supposed to be packing for our holiday!!) and I know the dogs will never be left alone with the boys. The dogs have been around babies and children all their lives but my mum still wouldnt trust them and would never forgive herself if something happened to my babies. Its more difficult as they cant just be scooped up as there's 2 of them, so she takes the dogs when she leaves the room. Do you have a problem if you know that they arent left alone? Or do you have a problem with them being around lo? I would speak to your mum and ask that she doesnt leave lo alone with the dogs if that is your concern.

    I also agree with Piggypops that it might be a good idea to speak as if the concerns are yours if there is a problem with mum and hubby. I have to do that with my dad sometimes as he hasnt always approved of my hubby (we have also been together 10 years, since I was 14, married with twins!)

    I would definitely speak to her...she might be of the same view of you and would never leave dogs alone but you dont know as you havent spoken to her about it??
  • hi ladies

    they would never leave tyler alone with the dogs, that i am sure of. its the puppy that is the worry as she loves biting at the moment and tries to grab his toes when he's on my mums lap. although hubs doesn't know this. they are cage trained so when they misbehave they get put in there. He has stayed down there before, and has been fine but hubs thought they locked the dogs away when tyler is there. I know he will be safe, but now the thought is in my mind and I know how boisterous they can be, they are always fighting with each other (play fighting) which sometimes frightens the baby.
    I've told my mum the reason as I dont want to lie to her (half hoping she would say they would put them in their cages) but i just got a 'ok' response. she is never going to approve of my hubs and has even said she has reservations about his capability of being a dad as he finds settling tyler difficult although he is now much better. Only reason mum was going to have him is because hubs is on his days/nights switchover so I need to be up with the baby and after having a drink (altough not much) I wont exactly be on form.

  • Just wanted to say I too agree with what's been said. Especially if the dogs are treated as their babies they could become jealous of your lo. And if your parents treat the dogs like babies and are protective of them they should know then how you feel about your lo- as well as them being your parents too of course lol
    Personally, I'm never convinced when people say their dogs wouldn't hurt a fly because I got bit badly by a friends dog a few years back even though I'd saw the dog a million times before and she was always friendly she literally just sank her teeth into my leg for no reason one day. So seing dogs around babies always makes me flinch.
    Anyway you're a mum now and lo's well-being is your priority so don't be made to feel you should apologise for that- go with your instinct x
  • Hi oh perants have a crazy dog and from the min we found out I was preg we both told them the dog would never b in same room or we would not visit let them watch baby ect.
    They did not take afance and munch (the dog) is there baby!they got a high baby gate and put that up at door so munch can still c everything and not locked in a room!
    I understaned that ur perants would never let anything happin but I would just never take chance with dogs!!!

    Heidi n heidi 9weeks 5days xx
  • each member of my familty including me has dogs, different breed sizes and temprements & i treat mine like my baby (sad i know) we all adore them and they go everywhere with us. but there is no way, no matter how loyal and well trained they all are that we would put them before the baby, simple as. the dogs all play rough togehter and if told stop instantly, but we wouldn't never be able to say 100% they wouldn't go for him. unless his is in someone's arms or we're sat next to him the dogs will be in other rooms. your Oh is being a good dad and it shoulda, woulda, coulda will not be any consolation if something completly unexpected were to happen. please don't feel bad, im sure when your mum starts to miss having her grandson over she will come round, if not then more fool her.x
  • Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing from pregnancy (I should have been with you ladies for over a week now!). I agree with all the comments and im sure your parents wouldn't leave them alone with baby!
    My experience is as a dog owner who does treat them as babies (cant help it!) but as much as I trust them fully I would never leave them alone with my nieces and nephews, nor my baby when he/she finally decides to show up!
    However my siblings have different views on having the dogs anywhere near their children and obviously I have followed their wishes when they visit. But the ones who have not insisted that the dogs be shut away in a seperate room now have a very healthy attitude and relationship with animals, where as the ones that insisted no contact are now regretting it as they are struggling to get their children to not be scared in the presence of animals......and my dogs no matter what will not have anything to do with them, as they have no trust of them either.
    Like i say I would never agree with dogs being left alone with children, but I can see the breakdown in a healthy relationship with dogs when they are isolated away from children all the time.
    It's a toughey but im sure your mum and hubbie could find a happy medium...hope so for you and tyler!
    Em 41+4 x
  • G/C also as my 'baby' is now a toddler but I totally agree with Em7. We have an active dog who was our furry son for 3 years until lo arrived, he is obviously second place to her now and knows this. We have always allowed him to be near her but when small was never left alone with her - just in case as at the end of the day they are animals and can be unpredictable. However, if you totally shield your baby from contact with animals then he will probably grow up afraid and that is such a shame. Dogs and babies/children can and do get on very well with care and attention and obviously common sense. My friends always liked me to keep my dog away from their little girl when they came over and now she is a 3 year old child that is terrified if a dog comes near her.
    I'm sure your parents would never leave your son with the dogs unattended at all if you expressed your concerns.
    I hope you get it sorted.
  • When I was about 5 I got attacked by a German Shepherd - it leaped at me and would have got me by the face but my grandma was close enough to me luckily that she just managed to push me out of the way and it got her arm instead and she ended up needing quite a few stiches. I am obviously always quite wary when my lo is around dogs but don't want for her to be scared of them but to respect them and she knows to always ask the owner before she touches a dog.

    I don't really remember the incident too much but my older sister was there and remembers it vividly and she has since been really scared of all dogs and this has passed on to her daughter who is now 8 and also scared of dogs.

    We don't have anyone in our family that actually has dogs so its not an issue that we have to deal with too often.
  • thanks ladies

    we have a cat and dog ourselves and have been brought up with various pets, i think my hubs main issue is that he feels my mum puts the dogs needs before tyler, they are allowed on the settee when tyler is there and the little one is constantly trying to nip his feet. they both jump up all the time, the one is quite a big dog.

    i think she is offended as i haven't heard from her since image

  • i think as its about the safety of your child it tough if shes offended x
  • TBH, I can understand that she may be a bit offended that you would think that she would put the needs of the dogs before her own grandchild. I'm sure she worships Tyler and wouldn't put him at any risk unnecessarily or intentionally and she is probably feeling a little hurt that you could think otherwise. I would ring/visit her and try to sort it out - these things fester and get blown out of proportion if left too long.
    Hope it gets sorted soon.
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