Why can't I do this?

I'm sorry, I feel a bit like a stuck record, but I just don't know how to cope with Barney. It has just taken me 10 mins to put his nappy and pj's on for bed. In the end I had to sit on him, pin his legs down with one hand and put the nappy on with the other, all while he screams and fights like a bloody caged tiger. He's like that at every single nappy change, and every time we have to dress him. If we try to do it standing up he refuses to put his feet down on the floor, if we try and do it lying down we have the mother of all fights. I know it sounds stupid but it is really starting to get to me. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt him, either by restraining him too hard, or by loosing my patience with him. I starting to wonder if there is something wrong with him, surely it's not normal for a 13 month old to be able to fight so hard that I actually can't restrian him? It's not like I'm tiny, I'm 5ft 8in and pretty strong but I just can't hold him when he flips. I'm sick of fighting with him, I'm sick of him screaming and I don't know what to do with him any more.


  • Oh no...Gabe has stopped this phase thank god but he still screams and whines all the time...I have no idea what you can do apart from just ignore the crying & get on with it, which is what you are doing!! Sorry! Hope someone else can help more.
  • Aw hun, it really wears you down doesn't it? Evie is similar (though a few months older) she just thinks it's a big game to thrash about when getting her nappy changed or getting dressed. It drives me bonkers so I know where you're coming from. Afraid I don't really have any advice though, I just tend to wrestle Evie into her nappies. Hope someone has some useful tips for you.

  • Uh Oh It looks like i have more fun to come in that case as Logan at 11mths is already starting to get like this, I can end up chasing him all over the place and having mini battle after mini battle until one of us win the war!

    the other night i completely gave up and left him nappiless, smug little so and so rewarded my defeat by pooing on the floor!

    Sorry can't offer advice but can sympathise and say we're not in a much better position so will be watching for more helpful posts offering tips!
  • Aww I completely sympathise with you! Kade used to be exactly the same and I would dread dress & wash time but just wanted to say I second what 2Aries says about distraction. We used to do this and found it was the only thing that worked. I still do it now in fact if he's playing me up and he's nearly 2 lol.
    Sometimes something as simple as a wipe would take his mind off things while I got on with changing him.
    Sorry if you've already tried it but worth a go if not.
    Hope it gets better soon xx
  • Is he like it literally all the time or does he do it in phases that fel like they're lasting forever. My LO is 13 months too, and has phases where he does this - he'll scream like he's in pain sometimes, so I let him get up and he laughs! Often when I try to lie him on his changing mat he'll kick and scream (literally), and I lie him down but keep hold of him (so I'm kneeling by his feet, leaning over him) until he calms down, then I give him a little book to look at. Do distractions not work with Barney? It doesn't always work for us but it certainly helps. As hard as it is I try to keep calm too (or rant in my head!), just tell him it's nappy changing time - I keep hearing supernanny saying all attention is attention to a child (I'm not a supernanny devotee, but this bit makes sense to me), so I try to ignore the bad (pin him down quietly) and praise the good (I say thankyou for being a good boy if he does lie still) - I figure he'll get bored with it if it doesn't get him anywhere. He's pretty strong sometimes too, stronger than me it seems, and I think he's smaller than Barney.
    Sorry I don't really have any helpful suggestions, but I do have sympathy - mine isn;t too bad at the moment, we seem to get through about half the changes ok, and I still try to keep up the praise, although he does do a runner as soon as I get the changing mat out!
  • My daughter went through i stage when I couldnt do her nappy lying down as she was strong and used to twist onto her front. I to didnt want to hurt her by holding her still.
    She seems to have got past this phase and I just pop a toy in her hand and make sure her nappy is open and wipes out before i quickly lie her on the floor!
    Have you tried doing his nappy sitting on your lap. To wipe her I would lift her up in my right hand and wipe with left. She to used to put her legs in the air!
  • I would agree with the distraction method, it's the only thing that works in our house.
    My little girl doesn't scream or fight but thinks it's hilarious to try and crawl off if i try and bring her back she laughs hysterically.
    What i do is either put her trousers on her head (in a non suffocating way!) which prompts a game of peek a boo or give her a soft book.
    This works a treat! Hope it works for you.
  • I would agree with the distraction method, it's the only thing that works in our house.
    My little girl doesn't scream or fight but thinks it's hilarious to try and crawl off if i try and bring her back she laughs hysterically.
    What i do is either put her trousers on her head (in a non suffocating way!) which prompts a game of peek a boo or give her a soft book.
    This works a treat! Hope it works for you.
  • I too do the trousers on the head thing too, it usually makes Erin laugh i try to take her trousers of by kind of shaking them - making her legs bounce which ammuses her then put them on her head going wheres erin gone?? she then pulls them off and this continues until the bum change is complete ! this only works sometimes. but sometimes she has mother of all tantrums and i seem to have no control and thats usually around the mil or when she goes to get weighed etc etc the kind of people that I want erin to be good around!!

    you have my sympathy I hope the phase passes soon for you, i wish i had some better advice xx
  • I'm afraid the distraction technique works for about 10 secs, then he throws whatever I am distracting him with at me and carries on with his paddy. Having said that, I haven't tried giving him the tv remote, which he loves and isn't allowed, so maybe I'll try that tomorrow. I hope it's just a stage, he's reducing me to tears at nearly every nappy change at the minute.

    FlirtyFilly, thank you for making me laugh, that's exactly the sort of thing Barney would do, probably accompanied by his best evil snigger.
  • Tv remote or my mobile...worked most of the time for a while when cole was at his stroppiest. We even kept the remote from our old tv to give to cole as he kept finding the obscure settings on the remote control! I also find that sitting alongside him and putting my leg over him to pin him down (not hard...you know..but so he can't roll over) works quite well most of the time - till he figured out how to wriggle upwards.

    i think its definately 'just' an awkward stage - although cole still has his moments where he won't put clothes on etc etc and unless we are going out I just leave him to it as its warm-ish at the moment.

    Hope the remote works
  • No more useful advice Bedhead, just a reminder that a couple of weeks ago you said he's a sweetheart most of the time, and I'm sure he still is - I'm sure he'll grow out of this phase, and if not he'll eventually grow out of needing nappies! Try to ignore the bad and focus on the good - maybe have a quick look at him sleeping, I bet you'll forgive him anything x
  • Luckily Archie is still easily distracted and knows not to move around on changing table. But if I change him on the floor or bed it's a different story.
    I've seen me holding him upside down by his ankles while one handed trying to get nappy on.

    Probably not an ideal soution but would he be still if you gave him a rice cake or something to eat while you changed nappy ? S x
  • My son is also 13 months old and cannot bear to have his nappy changed! If I let go of him for 1 second he is straight up on his feet and running away. If he can't manage to escape he'll make is legs stif so that I can't get the nappy between them! A set of keys sometimes distract him as long as I'm quick!
  • Thank you for all the ideas girls. Tried the remote contol this morning and it worked once, the next time I tried he just threw it at me :roll: We went out today and he fell asleep in his pushchair on the way to the baby change, oh changed him and apparantly he never woke up, so maybe that is the way forward :lol:

    Sunflower, you are right, he is mostly still adorable. I didn't peek in on him last night becasue he is the only baby I know that doesn't look angelic while he's asleep. He sleeps with his bottom lip out and his hands clenched into fists, he always looks like he's on the verge of starting a fight :lol: :lol:
  • Hey BedHead

    I feel your pain! my little boy Lochlan who is 9 months does this every bloody change aswell it stresses me out so bad I could cry, the minute i lie him down he starts screaming then when im trying to change him he kicks his legs wraps them around me to try n stop me from doing what im doing he trys to scratch me and throws the mother of all tantrums, he striaghtenes out his arms so i have to bend them (which im frightened incase i hurt him too ) he goes mental if i even try to wipe his face, I end up all flsutered! my mum told em just to say right fine then and put him down as is, which is easier said than done especially if your going anywhere!! but when im not going anywhere i pick him up and put him on the floor and say there you do then even if his clothes are hanging off him and he has no nappy on lol but the only time i ever have a tantrum free change is when he's really exhausted, which is hardly EVER!! arrrgh!

    So maybe if your not going anywhere and he starts just put him down and tell him fine away you go! image

    xx Lyns
  • Oscar's a nightmare for this. And he's so bloody strong it's ridiculous. He's 50/50 with distraction but will often play with something for 3 seconds then drop it and roll after it... I'm hiding on here because he's playing happily but needs a change and I haven't got the strength atm (see my other post).

    In dire need I have pinned his arms with my legs and changed him as quick as I can. Doesn't always work but helps as I can't pin him down as strongly with my legs so I don't worry so much about hurting him. I do worry about him biting my toes :lol:
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