xmas card note opinions (not really baby related)

Opinions on a note I'm planning to write in an xmas card please!

Firstly some history behind it.....sorry very long!! lol

Last year when I got married I had 3 bridesmaids, 2 friends and my dh's cousin. I have not seen one of the since that day - August 2007. We went to school together and became best friends when we did our nursery nurse training together. While at uni I did supply work in the nursery she worked at and still works at. One night we went out clubbing and me and other girl encouraged her to kiss a guy who was chatting her up - it was her first ever 'snog.......from then on she changed and is still with him despite other workmates seeing him flirt with other girls infront of her!!!!

She is large and I had to have the dresses espcially made for her to be a bridesmade, almost didn't come to my hen night and I had to cancel my weekend away because she decided she couldn't make it for various reasons.

We moved after the wedding and i've invited her round a few times but she's always busy. I've asked to meet her onher lunch break but gave up because she would never agree a day.

Louise was born 2 weeks late, I sent her the same announcement text that everyone else got but apparently didn't get it as when I invited herto a bbq a few weeks later she said she didn't know she'd been born - but as usual couldn't come. I suggested meeting her for lunch and invited her again but she always says she'll get back to me because she's so busy with either work or family things she lives at home with her parents, nan and boyfriend.

She does always send me a birthday card and xmas card - I'm thinking about writing this in hers.....


Hope you have a lovely christmas. I'm very upset that dispite inviting you over and asking to meet you for lunch I have not seen you since my wedding day. I'm particulary upset that you have not made the effort to meet Louise.
Congratulations on your promotion to manager, I found out because you told xxx. I hope that your new role makes you happy.


It doesn't seem long enough really to get accross how upset and annoyed I am at her!!! What else can I put - I'm not sure it will make any difference ut feel I really want to say something!



  • Hi hun, i'm sure you've mentioned this to me before when i wrote a post about my "x" best friend and a very similar situation. I suppose i should probably take my own advice as well... as seeing somebody else go through the same thing, what i want to say to you is DONT BOTHER!! You've done more than enough and if she's not bothered she's not worth your time or friendship. Though... in reality, i know from my own situation it isnt as simple as that when there are genuine feelings of friendship involved.

    Perhaps you could just tell her some more about louise, make her realise what she is missing out on? Tell her you're interested to know about her knew promotion, and provoke a response by asking questions? Tell her it would mean a lot to you to spend some time with her, and also be quite blunt about the way she's been avoiding you.

    Saying that, i've done that numerous times with my friend and got nothing, though she's very stubborn!

    i know how hard it is, especially when this "friend" is all over your wedding pictures! just remember though it's her loss if she doesnt respond! good luck XX
  • I know you're just trying to strike a balance by wishing her a happy Christmas and good luck in her new job, but when you sort of sandwich the other bit in the middle the whole thing sounds a bit sarcastic and nasty.

    I'd either do as the others suggest and cut your losses altogether, or just say something like "It's a real shame that you haven't been able to see us in so long. I'd really like you to meet my daughter and catch up."

    I know that doesn't express your annoyance, but I'd always take the line of being the bigger person, personally.
  • I agree with pinktoothbrush, it sounds like you are simply sending a card to have ago, and she really doesn't sound like she is worth you getting yourself upset and starting a feud at christmas which i think this will cause! i think you will send a stronger message by not sending a card at all!
  • I wouldn't send it....she obviously is so wrapped up in her own life & things that she isn't interested in anyone else around her. She is no sort a friend to make no effort to meet your baby & to appreciate what you did for her in the run up to YOUR wedding!!!!
    But if it will make you feel better by sending her a card I would write the card & post a letter inside it that way you can take the time & space to write exactly what you want to.

    I can understand why you want to do it but to be honest she really doesn't sound worth it & i'd say once things go t*ts up for her in her life she'll soon come running back to you but is that really what you want? I don't think I could or would want to be friends with someone who makes zero effort with me no matter how welcoming & accomodating I am for them.

    Good luck with whatever you decide & DON'T let this spoil you & your daughter's 1st christmas together, you only get the one xxx
  • My 'best riend and bridesmaid' hasn't been in touch for about a year and half. She got a new bloke and suddenly stopped texting and meeting up. She had no idea I was even having a baby and is none the wiser since Lily arrived. I tried to make contact but never got a reply. It hurts a lot but I have decided to let it go. I have no idea what happened and have moved on. It's her loss I think. Hope this helps you decide what to do.
  • Thanks all,

    I have written it saying that I'm upset that she has been too busy to get together since the wedding and has not met Louise. I then put 'congratulations on your promotion, I hope it makes you happy'. And left it at that.

    I think I did mention it before Linzi, and yes it's such a pain tohave her all over our wedding pics - I picked 2 with no bridesmaids to go on our walls!

    If I get no response then thats it - I'll take all your advice and leave it be - she's not worth it.

    And in no way is it going to ruin Louise's first christmas, I'm more excited about christmas than I have been for a long time!

  • I put a reply to this yesterday and it obviously didn't go through, grr. Was just to say that I would have written a normal xmas card, then written a separate note and put it in the card about how I felt. A friend of mine is being similar at the moment, so rather than bring it up with her (as I'd never see her to do so) I deleted her from facebook. She called upset to ask why, which was shocking as she never seemed bothered about the friendship. I was really honest and said I felt let down by certain "friends" during my pregnancy and since Riley has been born. I told her he was born and she has never bothered to reply to any of my texts afterwards asking how she was etc. I said that when she was just not bothering with me it was annoying, but not to bother with Riley who to me is the most precious person in the world was just unacceptable. Basically said to her if you can't be bothered with Riley, I can't be bothered with you. She was really apologetic, and then text asking if she could come over on Saturday, but I already had plans so text her back to say any other day would be fine, and now heard nothing, so back to square one and as far as i'm concerned she is no longer a friend. The friendship wasnt really healthy to begin with, she's one of those people who has to out do you at things and makes snide remarks to make herself look better. For example, when we were first moving into our house she came over and said she couldnt wait to shower as it was gross (this was as we were moving in and cleaning it up!) So I could see her saying something about Riley anyway which would end the friendship, so best it's over now. She hadnt bothered since he was born, so for five months. I think he was born the same day as Louise actually, 12th July?

    Anyway, good on you for telling her how she's made you feel, I hope she can make more of an effort. If not, she's not worth it.

  • thanks for the reply - I do wonder with people like that if it partly down to jealousy - we've got everything they want, a house, a baby. I can't delete her from facebook as she's not it wise enough to use it! lol Both me and dh had a friend delete us from facebook, and will barely say hello to us......didn't know her very well anyway, is the oh of a friend we've known for a long time......I know in that case it could be a lot to do with jealousy as I know I have everything she wants - but I've worked hard for it and she is younger!

    And yes Riley and Louise were born on the same day!!
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