visitors in the early days...(also in preg)

Hi ladies,

Firstly a massive congratulations on all your babies image

I'm due with my first in a couple of weeks and already worrying about the stress of all the visitors in the first few days. While I understand everybody will want to come and meet the baby, I really feel it's important for the new parents to have time to bond with the new baby, just the 3 of them, as well as getting our heads around it all.

I know I'm probably being extra emotional because of hormones but the thought of people just turning up unanounced makes me feel so angry and it feels like such an intrusion! I might have just got the baby down to sleep, or just sat down to feed him and be sitting in my dressing gown. I want to feel as though I'm in a safe and private environment for this and the thought of ppl just turning up sounds like a bloody nightmare!

How did you all cope with this? Did you have an afternoon of visitors and get it over with and then say no more for a few days or something? Or just put up with it? And advice would be really appreciated.

CC xxx


  • We had a couple of days of a lot of visitors and 2 days after I gave birth my mum, dad and gran came and then 10 minutes after they left my sil, mil and her mother all arrived and they were putting a lot of pressure on me to do things their way and I was very emotional so I believe I told them to get out of my house. Probably not the wisest decision but I was sore and was having trouble healing. So what I would suggest is maybe asking people to leave it a few days before visiting or designate a whole day/afternoon to visitors and ask them could they come down on that day.
  • I was in hospital for a couple of days after the birth so my parents, brothers and pil all came the afternoon after i had given birth. Tbh i didnt mind them all being there as i had a huge private room (dont know how i managed that lol!) so it didnt feel too overcrowded. This meant that when i got home there wasnt the rush of people coming to see lo. They just came in dribs and drabs. My other relatives and friends came over the next couple of weeks, one or two couples at a time. We just made sure we had plenty of time to ourselves, either a whole day or half a day. It worked out quite well, and if i felt a bit overwhelmed i just took baby upstairs to feed her while everyone was downstairs. I wasnt away long and it just gave me time to compose myself.

    I actually found it easier with visitors for the first week as all my lo wanted to do was sleep and not much would wake her up! So she could be passed round for cuddles but was totally oblivious to it all!

    Once you have your baby you will be so proud that you will probably just want to show him/her off to your family and friends! You will probably be running on adrenaline for the first week anyway! lol.

  • I had a c section so I was in hospital, and frankly grateful for visitors to distract me from eating my own brain out of sheer boredom and cabin feverishness. Once we got home people were very respectful and asked before visiting. However if you think people may visit unannounced, try laying the foundations now by saying you'd appreciate being asked before they turn up. Change your answering machine message to say "Baby X was born on... at... weighing... - we're enjoying our babymoon right now, feel free to leave messages of congratulations and we'll contact you when we're ready for you to come and visit!". Put a sign on the door saying 'Baby/Mum sleeping, please let us get some rest'. Prime your husband to deflect visitors, and when you do have some, get him to restict the length of visits.

    All the best with your impending birth!
  • we never had unannounced visitors everyone rang before hand but i never minded visitors as they were all so pleased for us stayed a while and then left my older kids were at school so visitors came then so after school boys had time to bond with their sister. as for being in dressing gown i think its only time can get away with it LOL like everything i think its personnel choice and everyone is different image
  • ooops sounds like I'm the only grumpy one on this thread!

    I found visitors a pain in the ar*e if I'm honest. I completely 100% understand that they want to see the baby but me and hubby were both knackered and I really resented the pressure to get showered and dressed (just could not find the time!) and making the house look semi-presentable (don't get me wrong I didn't do any full on cleaning but if me and hubby hadn't done a quick tidy before people came there'd have been breast pads and mucky muslins etc EVERYWHERE!)

    I had told everyone beforehand that they weren't to just turn up and that we wanted the first week to ourselves. I know a lot of people might think that selfish but it completely worked for us. After that we did have a ton of people visiting but don't forget they'll probably only come at the weekend when they're off work so you've got 2 busy days a week max.

    Sorry for rambling so long but I just wanted you to know that it's OK to feel like you might not want the world and his wife descending on you just after you've given birth. My advice would be to mention it to people now (and hubby so he can fend them off!).

    Your baby sweety your rules.


    0h and PS - if people have come round and just won't go home .... take bubs upstairs for a feed or a nap. Once they can't get any baby cuddles they'll soon scarper xx
  • oh and one more Ps - if people do come round make them do something useful like bring you a bit of shopping or a lasagne or casarole or something. Loads of people offered when they were arranging to come and visit us and I said yes everytime, it was a godsend! x
  • ok this may make me sound a little controlling... i had a home birth and worried about people showing up. my mum made it clear to people they didnt just show up and they couldnt stay long. in hospital near us visiting hours are twice a day for an hour. when at home people could stay forever! i had some people here for ages by choice but random relatives were in and out! nobody was allowed near us after 6pm as by 7.30pm i was in bed asleep. when my MIL got a bit trying i went upstairs to feed her. baby not MIL.

    i also didnt give people permission (my mum said they were waiting for it.. they didnt get it) to pick her up when she was asleep. i also didnt want people coming in off the street, not washing their hands, and picking up my newborn, so they didnt get to. i actually handed my sister a bottle of antiseptic handwash :lol: my parents also got the message out to my sis and bro that if i could smell cigarette smoke on them they wouldnt get through the door!

    so, basically id say get someone on your side to control people. my mum just reminded peole that if i had a hospital birth id likely still be in, so its not the same as when they got home 3/4 days after giving birth. or change your facebook status to view by appointments only. :lol:
  • Staying in hospital a bit was good as people could only visit during visiting hours then I was lucky for the next few days only my parents and inlaws came, bringing tea and shopping with them and then we went to mums and had the big getting to meet baby and there partners the following week when we could arrive and leave on out own terms didn't have to cook or get the house tidy etc
  • We went to see my best friend on the way home from the hospital! Also went to see another friend the next day, that got a couple of people out of the way! :lol:

    The rest rang or texted and we arranged times. TBH I wanted everyone to have been while OH was off. We even had OH's mum and step-dad stay, then the next week his sister came, and then his dad! xx
  • i was in hospital for 5 days after my section so had immediate family then, there were short visiting hours so no one was allowed to outstay their welcome, once home i had quite a bad time of it, we had a day of 8 visitors which was ehausting, it was bad enough that my baby blues were hitting me hard without having to play hostess witht he mostess, next time i will have visitor spread out and no more than a couple a day, if i have another section we i will do the same witth the hospital visiting so we get some peace at home x
  • haha i'm one of the exceptions here i guess coz i had loads of visitors over the first few days and actually loved it as it got them all out of the way, then me and OH got to curl up with our lil bundle uninterrupted for the rest of his paternity leave lol

    i had my little girl at 3.10pm on a thursday and as soon as i was stitched up and had some toast (OMG best meal ever as i hadn't eaten properly for 9 months! lol) i rang my mum at work to tell her to finish early, ring my step-dad to do the same and to come up for visiting hours...i had the midwifes rush my paperwork to get me to ward on time, they were in shock i didn't just want to chill after been there 36 hours lol

    i came home the friday, had my parents bring my nana (first great-grandchild) up that night for a couple of hours. we had the saturday to ourselves then had OH parents round on the sunday, and then they brought his nana with them the next day. we then did a big 'meet n greet' for rest of my family and best friends on the wednesday and that kinda saw to it all (OH family live in the midlands).

    i will echo what one of the girls said though, make visiting on your terms. nobody was allowed my baby unless i gave her to them, no matter who they were, and i also took advantage of asking people to bring little things round like someone else said too.

    basically i'd tell people you'll let them know how you feel about visitors after you've had LO as you don't know how you'll feel about it all really til then xxxx
  • I loved having visitors as I was pleased to have the opp to show off my LOs. You may be surprised :\)
  • Ditto monkeynuts!!!

    I was a bit lucky that most of our family lives overseas so didn't have to worry too much but random friends (childless and therefore completely ignorant of what the first week or so is like!) would just turn up! GGRRRR - I was invariably still in PJs or BFing on the couch so NOT in the mood for people to wander in and out!

    Definitely get your OH on board (he will be tired too and will back you up I'm sure!) and try to get the word out now that when the baby has been born you want some time to yourselves, and if people want to visit they need to arrange a time with you first. Newborns get over stimulated easily so you don't really want a dozen people passing them around anyway.

    We just kept visitors to the weekends (which suited most of them anyway) and just had one visit per day, max 4 people at a time.

    It will be harder if your parents or your OH's parents live nearby - just ask them to respect your privacy and ring before they come to check that it's convenient. I'm sure they will understand.

    And definitely get them to do housework when they come or at least bring food!!

    Good luck with everything image
  • my MIL always used to say she was on here way around did i need anything. well, i never did. then once i said yes the wahsing needs putting on the line. there has been no offer since image
  • We had tons of visitors although all were pre-arranged and we spread them out (so one couple / family per day). It was actually great - got to catch up with friends that we don't see as regularly as we'd like. Certainly nobody turned up announced! After all, would you do that if it were the other way around? Bottom line is that, of course, all of your friends and family will be itching to see your little baby but it's up to you how you let them go about it X
  • I'm with monkeynuts on this one - I had visitors everyday for the first 3 weeks (I'm not exaggerating) once i got home from hospital. In fact, on my hubby's last day of paternity leave (we lucked out and even though he was only entitled to 2 weeks he got just over 3) we ended up calling one of my friends who lives near us and hadn't visited yet and postponed, just so we could spend a day just the 3 of us. We have family all over the place, and they just kept visiting and because they'd planned to travel far I kept feeling obliged to say they could come. I was a wreck trying to look nice and making sure everything was perfect for so long. I remember those first 3 weeks felt like a lifetime.

    Visitors are lovely, it's great to see people's faces when they meet your baby for the first time. Please please please have the courage to say no if you feel it's too much though! I just didn't, and because so-and-so had seen the baby, somebody else would have to so it was 'fair'.... arg! I got caught up in stupid family politics, and I will definitely not let that happen in future! Sugarpuff's right - get someone to back you up! Hope everything goes well with the birth x x x
  • Hi with my dd1 i stayed 2 nights in hospital so had visitors there but told everyone once we were home that we wouldnt be having any visitors for a week only my mum broke that and came round a day early lol.
    with my dd2 i stayed in 1 night and apart from seeing my parents when we picked dd1 up on the way home we had the same rule and no one came round before we said it was ok.So if you arent ready for visitors make sure people know only to come round when invited hope this helps
  • OMG - I'm going to make all of you sound like complete angels - I hated my visitors!
    BUT -

    I had the in laws waiting (and actually visiting) in the labour room while i was on the drip screaming in pain, 24 hours into my labour with my first lo.
    Then, once lo was born OH (I could've killed him) managed to get his mum and step dad in to see me out of visiting hours, while I was still in recovery on the labour ward, before they flew away for a week in poland (at night time so they could've made the early visiting hours...) ...when my son was a couple of hours old.
    I'd had a c sec and was not even allowed to hold my own son before my MIL managed to get her hands on him!
    I then had all OHs family ringing up to find out when they could come see, and conveniently, all of them couldnt do the weekend (I'd gotten home on the wed) but could do the thurs or fri.... when all i wanted to do was sleep and recover and get used to feeding lo.
    My family, although not all of them, txt or rang to say let them know when they could come and meet ds, and i let them know a week later, they all seemed patient enough to wait and not demand to see him asap.

    Whatever you decide, make it the right decision for YOU! It is you having the baby and what you feel comfortable with and capable of coping with is what goes. As far as I'm concerned OH must stand behind your decision, or give birth himself ;\)

    Def tel people now though, and make sure they know you mean business image
  • thanks for all your replies and stories!

    some of them make my blood boil on your behalf and are my worst nightmare!!

    i'm just not going to answer the door or get DH to turn people away who just turn up unannounced - it's so rude. don't know if anybody actually will but imagine some will! i NEVER would do that, whether somebody's just had a baby or not.

    i'm happy for people to visit when i say so, and i'm sure i'll enjoy seeing them and showing them my new son, but i'm so worried about getting established with breastfeeding and some kind of routine or at least getting baby settled, i can't imagine having to work all that around visitors. and i'm not bloody going to! plus i don't want him being passed around like a doll loads - i've heard it can really unsettle them in the first few days...

    i'm also feeling really really grumpy at the moment so i'm getting angry about things that might not even happen! haha! i'm sure most ppl will be really helpful and not outstay their welcome etc. lets hope so anyway!!!

  • I told Hubby and my freinds and family that I only wanted half an hour visits in the first week or family were great and stuck by this and my freinds waited a week before coming over!

    Hubbys family pee'd me right off though, hunt had told his dad we only wanted these short visits and his dad even said he woul wait a couple weeks before visiting as he understood! Well that was a load of crap..I came out of hospital the same day as giving birth but it was 10pm!!! And after being in labour for 53 hours I was bloody tired!! He turned up the next day!!!! And stayed 3 hours!! I was so angry and still am 9 weeks on!! I was knackered and kept saying it to get him to get the hint! I even pretended to fall asleep on sofa! I kept mentioning how much pain I was in (I had 2 degree tear an stitches) but he just wouldn't leave! That was mine and DH first day at home as a family and I feel like it was ruined!!

    His mother...even though she waited to visit at home...she turned up at the hospital uninvited outside of visiting times! We were only allowed 1 visitor! Luckily the MW didn't let her in image but I had literally been on the ward 5 mins!

    Just unacceptable!
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content