please help as i dont know what to do

leaz · Mar 30, 2008 5:24AM

hey i just recently turned 19, and have a 4 month old boy, brooklyn. i am not with the father, but we had an arrangemnt that he wud go in one day at the weekends and his daddy wud come ou to visit durin the week, that was goin well e went in on a sat and his daddy wud have came out to my house about 3 times a week to see brooklyn, that was all goin well until his mother wanted him to stop comin out to my house but bring brooklyn in every night, between me and his daddy we came to an arrangment that he wud go in on a wednesday nyt as well from 7-10, his mother didn agree with this as she wanted more time and rang me givin off sayin she should have the child half of the week and i should have him the other half, i went mad at hern told her no way on this earth!! but since then my childs father has ended up on drugs as i have recently found out (i didn know before hand) drives the car when he is high me and my friend where in the car one night and e started smokin dope in the car while driving!! he is on class a drugs as well, i try to meet him half way with things but e just does not play ball at all n its either his way or no way but e has also been bringin the child home late and not comin out for him at all, i have concerns as e cud end up drivin n smokin dope gettin high n cashin the car with my we boy in the car n killing him etc...i told him e is not goin back in until e sorts himself out, but him n his family are more than welcome to come out here! am i right in sayin this or wat are your thoughts?
leah n brooklyn xx

clmoore · Mar 27, 2008 12:04PM

oh my god, you poor thing. If I was in your shoes I would make sure that my little one constantly stayed in my view and wouldnt let the father take him out of my sight untill he prooved himself as responsible, why dont you say to him that until he can be trustworthy he can only see little one round your house, as for his mother - tell her to but out I know its her grandchild but if she had anything about her she would understand that you are only trying to protect your gorgeous little boy. Dont take any crap - you are his Mum and you know what is right for him, not them. Good Luck Honey. XX

Allie73 · Mar 27, 2008 12:39PM

You need to see a lawyer to see about getting some kind of formal visitation and child support arrangment organized. There is no way that your child should be with father unsupervised. It's nice that your baby's grandmother loves him, but you need to set boundries. You're very young and she has the potential to exploit that. Document everything. Every visit. Every time he's been late returning the baby etc. Good luck.

no3bump · Mar 27, 2008 1:49PM

I would not let your ex have your baby when he is on drugs. If hes smokin in the car with lo he is getting lo high too, stupid ass! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, dont take no shit from him or his mum, she is only his gran, not his mother and she really dosnt have any rights at all. I think she should be happy to come to you to see her grandchild and not be yappin about it.
Stick to your guns. xxx

linzimc88 · Mar 27, 2008 2:50PM

your deffo in the right. if you know he is taking drugs then his rights basically go out of the window and any court judge/social worker... well, anybody would take your side on the situation so stick to your guns and if you're not happy about something then so be it. it sounds like youre doing the right thing, at the end of the day, what you want (provided it's doing the best by your LO) over-rules what anybody else wants or thinks in this siuation. i really feel for you. if you want to be sure he gets help with the drugs and stops using you can get him to go to a drugs clinic and have regular checks done to see if he has drugs in his system so that he cant lie about it. as far as the grandmother goes, tell her in person whats going on and about drugs etc and lay it down that she can see him whenever at your house. then the ball is in her court basically and if she is really that bothered about your little one and spending time with them, she'll just play by your rules. good luck xxx

KThom122 · Mar 27, 2008 4:33PM

I have been in a similar situation and I would strongly advise you to document everything that goes on eg if he doesn't turn up, if hes late collecting the child or returning him EVERYTHING dates times etc.
Also has he told you hes on drugs?? Can you actually prove it?? If you can then get a lawyer (because you are a single parent you will get legal aid). Mine told me if drugs are involved then contact must always be supervised.

Also grandparents do have rights- my sons granny took me too court and got 2 hours a week. But maybe out of court you could arrange something with her such as her coming to pick your boy up and bringing him back or one week visiting him at your house and the next you take him to her house. As a granny the average a court would allow her would be 2-6 hours a week.

The more accomadating you are the better it will look if you do have to go to court but even if you can't prove the drug thing if you know hes taking drugs I would not let my kid out the door with him.

I hope your situation improves beacuse I know too well that you have enough on your plate as a young single parent without him and his family creating problems for you

All the best xx

JunieMummy · Mar 28, 2008 7:58AM

uv got to remember that ur his mum and wot u say goes - u are the main carer for this child. not only would it be risking ur babys life but wot would ur son think if he knew his mum left him in a situation that is endangering his life. dont stop him seeing his son but let him see him on ur terms in ur environment and tell granny to but out!! At least until uv sorted out access with the father. Ur the parents not her!! Good luck!!

Mummy2gorgeousgirls · Mar 28, 2008 9:58AM

How horrible for you! I would be terrified!
I would definately get some professional advice - I know it sounds like a lot of hassle but you have to put Brooklyn first and that way you can back up what you want with a lawyer/social worker or whatever!
It's a shame that his mum's being a pain as well, can you let her come and see you or have supervised contact as a compromise?
Hope you get something sorted!

charlm · Mar 30, 2008 5:24AM

i wouldn't let him look after the baby without my supervision. my ex was taking heroin when we split (also i didnt find out until afterwards), luckily he chose the drugs and didn't want to know the children, and his family were the same.

a baby at 4 months old needs their mother 90% of the time, so i would tell your ex mil to f@@k off. say if she wants to see brooklyn she knows where he is.

or go and see a solicitor and arrange supervised visits, which is usually a couple of hours at your local centre.
its worth looking into.

c xxxxxxxxxxxx

please help as i dont know what to do

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