help of a different sort (also in traumatic births)


I wondered if anyone had any advice for getting over traumatic pregnancies and births.
I have 2 lovely sons Alfie aged 3 and Oskar 10 weeks and said that after the 2 births I have had I never want to do it again. My OH did agree as it was truly awful and I still have nightmares about the last one.
However in the last 2 weeks my OH has said that he would like more and would I cope. I too would love more but am struggling with the feeling I have when thinking of labour. The bad pregnancy I think I could just about cope with - I get crippling SPD so I can't do anything and with this last pregnancy I also developed problems breathing/controlling heart rate and low BP causing me to pass out if I stood up. This was caused by having a big baby in my short little body and my body not coping. However the births were something else.
My first one I was in labour for 3 days and ended up having failed venteuse followed by forceps and a 3rd degree tear as well as an episiotomy. It took months to heal and left me with permamant damage. So naturally I was scared for the 2nd birth. However I wasn't prepared for the pain that felt like I was dying. I was only in labour for 2hours and 53 mins from waters to baby on my belly but it was the worst time of my life. The MW wouldn't let me have an epidural til it was too late so I was in so much pain as G&A didn't work. Also my sons shoulders got stuck cos he was too big (I had told them but they didn't' listen) so I had a 2nd degree tear and over stretched hips with SPD.

Basically it is the pain that I couldnt cope with. I am a complete wimp with a low pain threshold and couldnt cope with the contractions. I screamed and was sick and was violent - ended up with bruises and now have a scar on my hand from the line in. I know I sound pathetic but it was really bad in my mind.

What I want to know is is there anything I can do to get over the thought of labour? Is there anything that might help that will stop me from not wanting the labour? Has anyone got (or had) the same problem and how did you/are you overcoming it?

Any help would be greatfully received as really I would love more children but am reluctant because of me being so scared of the pain and the feeling of labour. If I could book an epidural for before the pain I would but I know it can't' work that way.

Any stories ideas etc would be lovely


  • Gosh you poor thing, it sounds like you've had an awful time.

    I had an epidural and would recommend it - but unfortunately they probably won't give it to you until you are 4cm dilated. So if you have strong contractions before then you will still feel the pain.

    Have you given any thought to a C-section? It's not an easy option at all but would at least avoid labour. It is hard to get a c-section in the NHS for reasons like this but I think you would have a good shot after what you've been through - the stress you would feel up to and during labour would be no good for the baby. Worth talking to your GP about before you start TTC maybe??

    Otherwise you could try alternative things during your pregnancy like hypnotherapy etc?? I don't anything about it but you could try googling it!

    In any event, before even thinking about TTC I would recommend having a chat with your GP to see what your options are - they may well have other ideas that would help you get through labour and birth naturally again.

    Good luck!

    C image
  • I didn't want to read and run, but not sure i'll be much help.

    Are you still in touch with your MW? You could speak to her about it, and see if she can suggest anything that may help you fear labour a little less. Also your HV might be able to offer some suggestions.

    Sounds like you had a truly awful time. and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I do think you should speak to someone about it though - and let your hubby be involved in the conversation so that he knows exactly how worried you are, and so that he can hear what other people have to say first hand.

    Your youngest is only 10 weeks old though - it''s okay for him to say he wants more - he's not the one who goes through the SPD pregnancies (I've had 2 myself and can agree that they bloody hurt) and the pain of labour.

    I think that whilst it's worth finding out if there's anything that can put you at ease over the thought of another birth, I'd make sure that you give yourself the chance to get over the last one!!!

    Good luck hun xx
  • Afraid that I've not had this experience and it does sound awful and I can understand how you feel.

    Have you tried talking to your HV, she maybe able to suggest people to talk to? Also you could see whether if you decided to have another baby that you could have elective c-section?

    Sorry I can not be of more help

  • have you thought about hypnobirthing - it re-educates yr mindset!

  • Thank you for your suggestions.
    With my first one I did have an epidural and it helped me cope but the 2nd time round they MW would not beleive I was progressing saying I was 3cm last time they checked and it would be hours. The next time they checked 20 mins later they said oh your 7cm but its too late now cos the anaesthetist is in theatre you will have to wait til he comes out but you have got ages so calm down - I had Oskar before dr was out of theatre.

    I have spoken to various people and TBH they don't seem to have much concern. My MW just said - don't think ill be seeing you again (not the caring type) My HV is more concerned about seeing everyone as they are very busy - might try and ask when I see her in a few weeks. I have discussed with my dr at 6week check when we discussed contraception. I have PCOS and the pill, injection, implant etc causes very bad effects and stops my hormones altogether and she agreed that I should only use them as a last resort and that as time went by the memories would fade. (not sure if she has had any children!!)
    I think I will ask again when I see dr next time when I find out when I can go back on my meds for PCOS as I am stuck in limbo. If I decide to TTC then I don't want to wait too long cos of how long it seems to lake my lazy body to work.
    I had thoguht about a c-sec but it is a major op and I think to myself is it just taking the easy route as I am being a wimp. Its soo confusing. My DH is a typical man and doesn't really understand. He is really helpful during pregnancy and even tried to learn to cook this last time as I was completely settee bound. He is worried about my pain but Im not sure he really can relate to the pain as most men can't.
    I am just stuck in limbo and can't stop thinking about what to do.
  • I haven't thoguht about hypnobirthing does anyone know what it is like/ cost etc does it work with pessimistic people (like me) ?
  • It ate my response again.
    I haven't thought about hypnobirthing what is it? What about cost? Will it work on pessimistic people like me who is not sure whether to beleive in this sort of thing. I am willing to try anything but not sure if I beleive it.

    OK very funny BE my first response is back again after I have tried to do this one twice!!

    [Modified by: alfie_and_oskars_mummy on February 25, 2010 06:00 PM]

  • It ate my response again.
    I haven't thought about hypnobirthing what is it? What about cost? Will it work on pessimistic people like me who is not sure whether to beleive in this sort of thing. I am willing to try anything but not sure if I beleive it.

    OK very funny BE my first response is back again after I have tried to do this one twice!!

    [Modified by: alfie_and_oskars_mummy on February 25, 2010 06:00 PM]

    I had a pain free birth, most amazing experience, I loved every minute of it - my hubby recorded it bcos it was unbelievable. - you can have a free consultation to see what u think and then the course cost me ??250. xxx
  • Thank you. Have read and would love a birth like that but you sounded so calm and comfortable. I am not sure I could ever be that calm - I feel like I am dying when I have constipation!!
    Will look out for it though
  • I did hypnobirthing and it was great. I won't say I had a pain free labour, however I felt totally in control and the pain wad never unbearable. I used gas and air for a bit ( did nothing except help me focus my breathing even more) Hypnobirthing gives you tools to overcome your fears. My mw was amazed I was not in more pain, as baby was back to back.
    Give it a go if you do decide to ttc again, at least talk to a practitioner who can give you an idea of what they can offer you.

  • hi, i would suggest u apeak to ur hv about referring u for 'birth after thoughts' goes thru any issues u had with ur last births and pregnancies and talk to u about future births and pregnancies and whats likely to happen and if and how any previous issues can be avoided next time...u can have this done at any point after having a child, there is no time limit on it so don't worry if u think its too long ago for example, oh and its free...hth xx
  • I will ask my hv but tbh i'm not expecting much. i am def going to ask my dr again next time i go.
    what do you have to do for hypnobirthing?
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