Childcare - Im screwed....

Back in March my old employee told me I could only go back full time or not at all so I gave up my job and searched for a new part time one. I found one quite quickly and started at my new job at the beginning of May. When O was very tiny my step mum asked if she could help with childcare when I went back to work because she would love to look after her - she even got a part time job herself to help me out. She looks after her 2 mornings and my mum who also works part tme looks after her the other 2 mornings. Its working out great - no childcare costs and they get to see their grandaughter on a weekly basis. I love the hours too!

Yesterday when I picked O up my step mum turned around and as blunt as this and said 'im starting uni in 4 weeks so im going to have to call it a day as I need to think about myself'. Not even a sorry I may have to see how it goes, blah blah it was as blunt as that. I was in total shock. It wouldnt have been so bad if I had seen it coming or fi she hadnt asked to help out or if she had been doing it for a long time - ive only been back at work 4 months!

I left and as I got in to the car I burst in to tears. I just dont know what im going to do!! My mum is off sick at the moment (long story!) so has offered to look after O the other 2 mornings in the short term and im going to see if I can condense my hours into 3 longer days instead of 4 shorter ones so my mum although will still have her 20 hours a week still has 2 days to herself but at the end of October my mum will be off sick leave and finding herself a new job to fit in around O but I havent left her much time to work and im worried about her as well as myself! She is likely to 'not' work to help me but she cant afford not to work.

Its a tough one but we just dont earn enough to justify a day at nursery. I bring home ??700 a month and I would end up spending ??150 of that on nursery/childminder fees which I know doesnt sound alot but I would rather just not work than spend out on childcare but to be honest at the moment we need every penny of that ??700 as we have just moved to a bigger house so bigger mortgage etc and we are paying half of my salary to my hubbys mum to pay for a car loan we borrowed a few months back. We have about 8 months of that left and we are paying lots every month to get it paid back as quickly as we cann so we can be 'rich' each month again! We could reduce the payments but then we are looking at another 12 months + to pay it back if we do that and I hate having any kind of debt even if it is to a family member. The quicker its gone the quicker we get ??300 a month back!

Argggghhhhhhhh. Im not expecting any advice or anything I just needed to vent otherwise ill just sit and cry about it.


[Modified by: winnie1981 on 25 August 2010 09:13:16 ]


  • No advice here Hun but...sending you lots of hugs

    totally out of order of mil as she would have been thinking about going back for a while so should have told you then...not 4 weeks before xx
  • Thats a bit mean, its not like she would have only just considered going back to uni, talk about leaving you up the creek, go pile on the guilt about the situation she has left you in, i would!

    hope you can sort something out x
  • That does sound like a really hard situation image

    I think you are going to have to make some descisions... We are also finding it pretty hard financially. I will go back to work part time, thur/fri/sat. It means I miss out on a weekend day, but saves us a childcare day.We too have just spent too much on a house and have a large mortgage. We are cutting back like mad and will not have a holiday or birthday pressies this year! Maybe sell your car? Get rid of the loan? Let out one of your rooms? My brother and sister in law have short term students at ??70 a week. I know what you mean about keeping the loan short, but it might be easier in the long run to spread it jsut a couple more months.

    Good luck, I hope you sort things out.

    Em x
  • I had thought about letting out one of our rooms as a short term let - perhaps 6 months @ ??300 a month would pay our loan!! How does she go about it? Im guessing she needs furniture etc? Our big room is empty at the moment and will be until we have a another baby and O moves out of the nursery. It wouldnt be my ideal situation but guess it could be an option.

    We couldnt sell the car as hubby works 40 miles from home and I need my one to run O around and get myself to work.

    We are normally soooo good with money. We used to have loads in savings and im really strict with what we spend our money on and stick to a tight budget but since O has come along the money has just gone!!!

    Ive started a little jewellery business which is giving us pocket money but its not regular and we are saving whatever we make so we can have a week away somewhere next year because we havent been away since 2008.

  • us too, we used to pretty much live on hubs wage and save all of mine... now it will almost all go on childcare...People used to say to us, children are so expensive, we just thought that we would not buy loads of fancy equiptment, do breastfeeding and home made food...I mean how much can a baby eat?! Turns out lots! and good food costs... also childcare is a major factor. Im not moaning that it costs lots, as I believe in paying well for a job that is soooo important, but it does wipe out most of my wages. Suddenly our income is cut by a third. Ouch.

    Im not entirely sure how BIL and SIL get their students. Maybe gumtree? Have you thought about getting an au pair?

    Em x
  • Christ, I worked part time when DD was smaller and I WISH I'd pocketed ??550 clear a month after childcare!
  • Thats the thing - we dont!! We need every penny! We will have ??300 a month to play with in 8 months time once our loan has gone but not right now....!! In 8 months paying for childcare wont be an issue but it is right now!
  • Would u not be intitled to any tax credits hun?Xx
  • was just going to say the same thing at mum2jayj07, if you both work more than 16 hours a week you'll be entitled to childcare money from the tax credits? x
  • do you have any friends who are childminders?my friend is looking at going back to work next feb and im due back next jan and she has just asked me if id like to be her sons childminder as she knows how much i dont want to go back. i wouldnt charge her as much as a normal childminder, she will only need to match my old wages which wasnt very much.x
  • We get tax credits. Hubby earns a good wage though so we only get the basic element - ??43 every 4 weeks!

    I have actually decided I may become a childminder myself. I am a qualified nursery nurse and we had said I would become one once we had another baby but im considering bringing it forward.

    I guess these things happen for a still very very very angry though!!!

  • I'd say you were lucky to be getting free child care for this long! When I go back to work our childcare is going to be ??580 a month which is half my salary. My in laws are dead and my parents work full time so we won't have any help. But I knew this when I was ttc and planned accordingly and knew I would have to go back work full time to my it financially viable for us to have a baby. At the end of the day its not her baby so she has the luxury of walking away and doing what she wants with her time, as selfish as that may seem.
  • Although it is a bit of a shock she has been helping for almost 5 months -its not as though she did it for 2 weeks and then had enough. She has given you a months warning and has already saved you ??750. I am sorry but I think you have more reason to be grateful than angry.

    Child minding is a good option worth looking into, depending where you live you could always look into letting your room out too. I live in a university town and there are always visiting students/lecturers who would be happy to rent a room for a couple of weeks/month.

    Good luck getting it sorted out.

    Moomin x

    [Modified by: *Moomin* on August 26, 2010 11:08 AM]

  • Dont get me wrong I am grateful. Just angry with the way in which it has been dealt with. Before we had O we looked at childcare and what I would do about going back to work etc. I had scenarios for fulltime, part time, evenings etc but she told me as she only works 12 hours a week that she would look after her for me to save us money and so she could spend time with O. Infact she 'asked' me if she could have her!! She went out and bought a car seat, a pushchair, a highchair and loads of other items because she was so excited about having her and seeing her grow up. I just didnt think she was only going to see her grow up until she was 1!!! I had a lot of trouble finding a job to fit in around hers & my mums hours (I could have gone back to my old job if id known this would happen) and just as I get settled in a new job and a routine she drops this on me and we suddenly have to find money for childcare we didnt anticipate on.

    Whether its over childcare or over something completely different at the end of the day I have been let down by my own family with no remorse. The same family who would have had the same issues when my little sister was younger and she had to work therefore will know how I am probably now feeling.

  • I think you are being a bit silly about this, yes she 'asked' to look after 'O' but maybe she is finding it more difficult than she thought, My mum looked after my nephew for Brother & SIL 1 day a week and she found it so exhausting that she has now said she can't do it anymore. I think you should count yourself lucky that you have had the luxury of free childcare for so long as you do seem to come across a tad ungrateful.

    I am unable to go back to work at all because we have no close family near by, H2b works 13 hour days and we just can't seem to match up the logistics of a part time & available nurseries (although we are trying!!) I would have been over the moon to have 4 days free childcare a week and be getting ??700 a month too.
  • Thats my point WB - Like you I looked at nurseries/part time etc and we decided I would need to work about 4 days so we could afford childcare and still have something left over at the end of the month. I had meetings at work etc but I was told that I didnt need to worry because they will take care of childcare for me. My old job couldnt give me less hours so I found a new one. Less money but more time with O. Now I still have the less money but need to find childcare money anyway and obviously cant go crawling back to my old job. If I had known 4 months down the line I would need to find childcare money I would have stayed at my old job where I could afford the childcare.

    Im not being silly about it I just feel very hurt by the way she has treated me. I know im lucky and I am grateful. I know she may be finding it harder than she thought. It is just simply the way it has all come to an end - as simple as 'im calling it a day' with no care for the struggle we are now going to go through. My dad has given me diddly squat over the years and this was their one thing they could do for me but as usual its about them and not about us. Sorry that sounds harsh but when you have been second best for 18 years (since their 'new' daughter was born) the let down feels even worse.

    MrsM81 - you are right. I do feel grateful that my family do get to see O grow up and I would hate to be in your position. My hubby lost his dad a few yrs back and he has too missed out on his grandaughter and I know hubby finds it hard sometimes.

    [Modified by: winnie1981 on August 26, 2010 12:24 PM]

  • I do not see you being particularly ungrateful - this is a place where you are just letting rip on your worry and upset. I can see why you would be upset because you have had to change your job on the assurance of childcare from you mother in law and she has now changed her mind leaving you with more debt. It is not always possible that your future follows your husband could be made redundant next October - completely out of the blue but due to health reasons. We will have nothing if that happens. I can also feel your panic at not having enough money to cover bills and your anger for mother in law's apparent lack of care although it shouldn't be her problem she maybe should have thought it through more carefully before she offered to have your lo.

    So, in my opinion your best bet financially is to get on and register as a childminder. I am a childminder myself and you could earn significantly more working from home and get to stay with you lo. It will not cost you anything to register but the process can take atleast 3 months so you need to find a way to manage in the meantime.

    Hth x
  • it does make me laugh when peoole say they have no money, but have enough to save for a holiday abroad. use that money. not having a holiday for 2 years is not really a great hardship!!! also, do you actually NEED two cars. is there no public transport to your work? or can you not find work that is on a bus route? we sold one of our cars to fund my maternity leave, which leaves me stuck sometimes but it's what we had to do. you said you need a car to drive the child around, but where is he going? could your mum come to you in a morning? is there no childcare options on the way to work? how much do you spend on your shopping bill, for example do you shop at tesco / sainsburys rather than morrisons or aldi? do you throw unused food away? do you use leftovers? there are always of cutting back. you need to see what you really NEED, rather than WANT.
    you should cut your coat according to your cloth.
  • god i am getting frustrated with reading the replies grrrr.

    There is no way your mil should have left you in the sh1T with little notice - however - maybe you could ask her to help for 1 morning instead of the 2 maybe - also could you ask your mum if you could half the repayments for the car.

    Sometimes - when you have done all you can - being told to cut your cloth accorordingly is really irritating! I have to go back to work 50 hours a week to keep up with the mortgage replayments - i would rather not - i hate leaving my son - but you have to do what you have to do. Oh and we are going on holiday - Brean Pontins care of The Sun!

    Renting out a room is a really good option especially if you did it just for 6 months and becoming a childminder is a fab idea - good luck and let us know what you decide x
  • summer that really is my point. i am going back to work full time too as i have to in order to pay our bills. we too are going on holiday thanks to The Sun, to devon. while the op's mil was very blunt in her delivery, she has every right to stop childminding. and she is giving notice. the same notice a childminder would give.
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