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KirstyPreece
Hi ya,
Hope u see this message..... just needed to talk 2 somebody who i know has been in my situation coz im feeling really sad about the whole BF thing. I've fully stopped now and its so sad coz i know my milk has gone and i loved BF before it all seemed to go wrong and now i wish i could still do it. Was just wondering how long it took for u to feel better about it in Yourself. My LO seems so much more contented now which is the main thing i know, but i just want to get on with it now without keep looking back and wishing things had been better and feeling sad about it.
Also i think my MIL is disappointed that i have stopped (she didnt have to say it) she just kinda looked at me and the way she said "oh" made me feel worse so that hasnt helped. (usually we get on briliiantly and i love her to bits and i know she probably doesnt mean to make me feel bad but i do)
Hope this feeling doesnt go on for much longer as i feel like shit about it now
Hannah xx
Hope u see this message..... just needed to talk 2 somebody who i know has been in my situation coz im feeling really sad about the whole BF thing. I've fully stopped now and its so sad coz i know my milk has gone and i loved BF before it all seemed to go wrong and now i wish i could still do it. Was just wondering how long it took for u to feel better about it in Yourself. My LO seems so much more contented now which is the main thing i know, but i just want to get on with it now without keep looking back and wishing things had been better and feeling sad about it.
Also i think my MIL is disappointed that i have stopped (she didnt have to say it) she just kinda looked at me and the way she said "oh" made me feel worse so that hasnt helped. (usually we get on briliiantly and i love her to bits and i know she probably doesnt mean to make me feel bad but i do)
Hope this feeling doesnt go on for much longer as i feel like shit about it now
Hannah xx
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Replies
Sorry for sticking my nose into a post addressed for someone else.
I was in the same boat as you a few weeks back. I think me, you and Kirsty were all having probs with our lo's bf around the same time and we all tried to stay positive, but i tried but couldn't do i.
My lo was just so upset once he'd drained both boobs and had to wait and work harder to get more that i was getting upset too.
I put him on the bottle and he was more content but i felt sooooo guilty it was unreal, i felt i had failed my son, and myself but i had so much reassurance from my oh and family.
To be honest with you, i still get days when i feel guilty but it's got a lot better. I put him on the bottle 4 weeks ago and he's thriving.
My boobs still have milk as i squeeze every now and again to see if it's dried up yet.
Don't feel too bad as we all have to stop sooner or later and in our case it's sooner. Like people said to me.....Your lo's had the best from you.
When you see how happy Shayla is at every feed you'll know you did the right thing.
Keep your chin up hun
Nic xx
I know how you are feeling at the mo hun and it does get better. I took me about a week to feel better and i kept having to tell myself that i did it for a month (you have done much better than most people). You will really see a difference in the next few days with shayla as she will be alot happier and that is all that matters.
Like nic says you will still have days that you feel guilty and wish you could still just bf so you feel the closeness to your little girl but this is only days.
My milk has still not fully dried up now but i feel alot better as i have stopped wearing breast pads and i can now fit tops over my boobs (although they droop lower than before LOL) and you will notice this to soon but it takes a bit of time. I now feel so prepared when i go out i can take my bottles with me and dont need to worry about feeding as i wasnt confident on feeding in public so i never felt i could go far or go for a long time.
Macey is doing so great now she is gaining weight lovely smiling at me and cooing so she is sooo happy and this is all that counts. I wouldnt worry about your mil its you and your lo that count and as long if you have your boyfriends support then no one else matters.
Dont be too upset hun it will get better and just like everyone says shayla had the best milk from you and sometimes it just dosent work for some and we are them people.
Take care of yourself and let me know how things go and if you are ever feeling down just come on here to chat.
p.s hope your house is going well if you have moved or moving
Kirsty and Macey xxx
xx
Ill stop sending messages now he he !! x
I can totally relate to how your feeling, I only managed to BF my LO for a week before I put him onto formula. I felt guilty for weeks and at one point I was crying with tears cause I felt like I'd failed. What made it worse for me, was that a couple of friends have recently had babies and they've been succsessful at BF....... I felt so so jealous and that made me feel guilty even more!!
Time is a great healer and now I look at it in a positive way... My OH can help with the feeds, especially in the night and We've also been able to go out and leave Ellis with either my mum or MIL without having to worry about BF.
I still have days when I'm envious of those who are successful at BF, but I have to remember of what it was that made me stop, and formost the happiness of my LO is more important than him not being BF.
Hope your feeling better soon.
Lyndsay. X
Thank u all for ur replies- Nic, i meant that message to go 2 u too as i remember when we were all talking about the problems we had with BF but i just couldnt remember if u had fully stopped or not. (my memory these days has totally gone to pot!)
Im still feeling down about it all especially as it feels as if they r drying up and i do miss the clossness but at the same time- i dont miss the stress of it all and i do know that Shayla is much more contented now on Formula and when i look at the bigger picture i know im doing the right thing.
I think its just becuase i never thought i would have problem with it as i so wanted to do it right from the word go so its taking a little while to sink in and it doesnt feel right now but i suppose it will after a while.
Im glad to read from ur posts that it takes a while to feel better about it but im just hoping i will too very soon because i hate feeling guilty about something i have no control over.
Thanks again for ur replies.. (and so many of them Kirsty!!! lol!!!) its helped me a bit to see the bigger picture
Lyndsey, i know what u mean about the jealousy at other women who are successful- i started feeling resentful about my mum becuase she stopped at six weeks even though it was going well just because she wanted to go out for a works xmas do and i started feeling bad because i felt like it wasnt fair that i really wanted to do it and couldnt and she could but stopped. Oh, and i dont know if any of watched that programme last night bringing up baby but there was a woman on there doing it and although she was having a few problems i still feklt jealous !!!
Thanks for reading this anyway and giving me ur support i appreciate it as its good to know im not alone.
Hannah xx
I did say to my now husband that i would try it again but if it didn't work then not to make me feel bad. He was very understandable and said he was happy with whatever i chose to do. Well when i first put Konner to my boob he latched on straight away and i was sooooo chuffed, i suppose i am now that i did it for as long as i did, but on the otherhand i feel guilty because i did succeed for a bit and wanted it to carry on.
My hubby says he doesnt mind coz he can have his boobs back lol !!! He'll have to wait a bit longer because i'm still milking a bit lol.
I don't know about you Hannah but having Konner close to me when feeding was sooo warming and special, so once i'd stopped feeding him myself i felt i'd lost that so now we have our time where i strip him off to just his nappy and place him on my chest, skin to skin for about the same length of time as it would have been for him to feed and it's lovely. I only do that once a day though and thats just before his bedtime. I don't do it as much now as i did when i first stopped feeding him.
You will feel a lot better about it soon.
Keep smiling
Nic xx
Well, i caved in 2nite.....again! Shayla was hungry and whilst the formula was cooling down i put her my breast and this time she latched on perfectly and had about 10mins.... its not gone yet but i know im deffinatly producing less. I cant seem to stop- even though its hard most of the time i still get the urge to keep trying and even though she is only having the smallest amount of breast milk-im still doing it when i can and it felt really nice to have her close to me. I might try what u do with the skin 2 skin contact as miss that when im not feeding her myself.
I dont really know if im doing myself any favours by keep doing this becuase part of me thinks that if i just stop i can get on with it and not keep looking back, then the other part of me says to keep doing it for as long as i can as its good for both of us when i have good days (like sometimes it feels so right and comes naturally) like today and then somehow i forget about all of the problems i had before. Oh, i dont know... its SO difficult- i never imagined this would effect me like it has but i sorta feel lost when im not doing it, i feel like i should be giving her more if u know what u mean.
I know i will stop soon as i wont have much choice as the milk is drying up anyway but i just cant seem to say to myself "No more!!" God, i sound like im on heroin or something!!!
How did u stop? did u just stop and that was it or did u cut down? I've noticed it is not painful anymore like it was when i stopped for the first 24 hours.
Oh, and my OH said the same about my boobs that he wants them back and i said to him that he will never have the same ones back he will have to settle for bigger but saggier than before!! lol
Hannah
Dont worry about caving in as long as shayla is still taking milk you will produce the amount she takes again. If you still want to carry on still try as your milk will come back if you pursue with it.
Have you spoken to your hv about getting some advice? When my hv came round when i was having problems she said if i wanted to stick with it she would get someone to come round to my house and help me with it.
When i stopped i cut down on the amount of feed time i was giving her so i would give her 5 mins on each breast and then the rest formula then i cut it to 3 mins about 3 days after then about 4 days after that about 2 mins and then i wasnt so uncomfortable all day long and i still gave her some closness for another week. My hv did advise me not to just stop as it will be painfull and the best way is to gradually wean them off but this is completley up to you. I do miss the closeness with the bf but like nic said have that bit of skin to skin or have a cuddle with her on your tummy all rapped up in your dressing gown, i did this the other morning and it was lovely.
I would seriously consider getting some help from your hv (if she dosent come round go to one of the clinics where you get shayla weighed and they will help) and pursue with it as i know you are unhappy with stopping. In the mean time just keep feeding her until she gets unhappy (try 5 mins on each breast) for the meantime so you keep producing the milk until you get some advice.
Let us know what you decide but it is always your decision and dont give up if you dont want to just remember there are always people to chat to or get bf advice from.
Take care xx
Well, it just so happens i went to get Shayla Weighed today and she is doing fine but the nurse who weighed her asked me how i was and i almost burst into tears!! I told her how i felt and she reasurred me that what evr i was doing was good becuase Shayla is thriving but said that i needed to talk to the HV as i was upset about stopping and it would be best to get my feelings out. So she went and asked if i could see her and i was seen straight away. My HV was lovely and said that her advice would be to keep it all im happy too as it sounds like im not ready to give up as its got me so down, she said as soon as i get stressed i should give her top ups of formula and go 2 the BF clinic so they can watch me feeding and asses any problems. So i have decided to carry on and if after the visit 2 the BF clinic im still not getting my head around it all i will quit once and for all.
The good news is i have just fed Shayla she had 10mins from each breast and has zonked out now so im pleased that its satisfied her as i know im still producing the milk- the bad news is that after cutting down and getting over that painful bit ive gotta keep BF her in order to up the production of milk and its like starting all over again.
I do think the hv is right though because now im giving it another shot i feel much more happier (just wait until the middle of the night-might not be so positive then lol!) but i can see that she knew i didnt want to give up so badly that she said do everything i can first and just ride it out and see how it goes. I must be more determined than i thought i was!
Im also going to go 2 a first time mums group and meet some new people which will help i think, like on here- its great 2 meet new people like urselves who have been there too.
Thanks for ur advice- it seems like u noticed the same as the HV that i needed to talk 2 somebody and that i wasnt ready to stop just yet.
I will let u know how it goes and i have plenty of formula 2 back me up should i need it, thanks again for ur support
(Fingers crossed we have better luck this time round)
Take care
Hannah xx
Like you hv said take a relaxed approach to it and if shayla gets frustrated get the bottle out.
Good luck with the bf class im sure it will be great as there will be people in the same position and the 1st time mum class will be great to meet other people so you can chat.
Let us know how everything goes xx
Just thought i'd let u know the latest of how im getting on.
Well,... after many tears and a lot of thought, i decided last night was all i can take! I was trying to BF and all Shayla was doing was crying and thrashing her little arms and legs about and after 30mins of this i just felt so stressed out, i went and made up a bottle of formula as i couldnt stand her being so upset. As it was cooling down i went to change her nappy and she was crying so much she was coughing and choking!! Ive never seen her so distressed, when she choked her little face looked so frightened and thats when i decided that i HAVE to do what is right for her and in my case breast just ISNT best and she is not happy taking the milk from me, i have to do what is right for her now.
Im very sad still
I know im going to miss the clossness but i can find other ways to feel closseness like Nic suggested in a previous post. Im very glad that ive come to a final decision once and for all and i know that Shayla will be happy with what i have chosen and that is all that counts now.
Thank u for all of ur support and helping me make up my mind (eventually!!) it wasnt easy but now i know im doing the right thing and now i KNOW im ready to stop and concentrate on whats right for both of us
Thanks again
Hannah xx
p-s Im going to tell my OH to tell his mum and to tell her that i dont wanna talk about it as im sad ive had to stop so i dont get any more disappiontent faces and comments, that way i can get on with it.
Thats exactly why i gave up bf as Macey became so distressed and started choking i couldnt watch it and upset me so i knew it was the time for me to give up and concentrate on playing with her and enjoying the bonding that way.
Im sure now you have come to the decision of whats best for you both you will get closure this way and start to enjoy closeness different ways.
I hope that your mil dosent say anything as i got really upset when people mentioned it or just asked as you just felt a failure so its best that people dont talk to you about it unless you want to. As your mum said it is your baby girl and you know whats best nobody else knows more than you.
Keep us updated it is nice to chat to people on here that are in the same boat as i know our baby's are of simular age and let us know how the first time mum classes go i might see what we have got round my area if you enjoy them.
Take care x
Anyway, i will let u know how the classes go (was reading the leaflet last night and it looks really good, they have a new topic each week and it looks really informative things like first aid, resusitation and weaning and all sorts) ask ur HV and im sure they will point u in the right direction. It might be a little while till i go to my first class as im moving this weekend and have SO much to do but im very excited.
Might not be on 4 a while till we get settled and get the net sorted so take care and i will speak 2 u when i come back
Hope u and Macey are both well x
Hannah xx
Speak to you soon when you are settled in xx
I gave up feeding Konner because he was just like Shayla choking and getting into a right tizzy. It is hard making that decision but when you see you lo so upset you know you have to. You'll start to enjoy feeding times again even though it will be the bottle, just hold her close when feeding.
Good luck with the move too!!
Speak soon
Nic x x
When I'm feeding my LO I always make the effort to look him in the eyes, I've noticed that he's always looking at me whilst feeding and I must say that we've had some very special moments even with the bottle.. the best being when he starts to smile whilst he's got the bottle in his mouth.
Moving day today anyway so i wont be on here for a while so i will say goodbye now and thanks again. Im SO excited
Take care
Hannah + a very happy baby Shayla xxx