My OH is making my life hell

Hi Ladies, Just really need to have a rant about my OH, so could go on for a bit.

Our baby girl is 18wks and we done nothing but argue since day 1. Its always about feeding. He's absessed about her getting fat, which is stupid. A few weeks ago i put her milk up to 6oz and he wasn't happy. We had a massive fight (in front of both kids) and he told me, "if you keep her on 6oz you can go and fck off and take that fat blubber with you" His exact words. I was gutted. I kept her on 5oz for another week. He soon got fed up with her crying for more. I've now started to weane her but the arguments have started again. He thinks that if you give her food she doesnt need her milk. I told him she needs both. He only wants her to have a bottle in the morning and before bed which is bull sh*t. I know you are all going to think am stupid cos i do, but av gone along with what he wants knowing it wont work out and to keep the peace. She has a bottle at 5am then at 10am then she has some dinner with juice about 2pm then again for tea time. The thing is she wont have her food now and just wants the juice and screams when i try to give her food. She was doing so well with her food.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and he just wont listen to me. I dont think i can take much more of this and am thinking of leaving him just so i can feed my baby right. he makes me feel like a bad mother and that am doing everything wrong. am not sure i love him anymore.

I've got to do something, but god knows what! :cry:

Thankyou anyone who has listened. I just had to write it down.

Kerry
xx
«1

Posts

  • I wouldn't listen to him babe i have just checked my milk tin and at your little ones age she should be having 5 x 7oz bottles a day
    At that age my little girl was taking 5 x 7oz bottle plus 3 large solid meals a day. she has always eaten like this and can never get enough, and she will be 4 next month and there is nothing to her, she needs trousers in a 3-4 for length and 2-3 to fit her around the waist but only if it has adjustable waist as they fall of her

    http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5611577&l=88bdd&id=603590079



    http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2110/240/92/603590079/n603590079_5611577_8218.jpg



    [Modified by: JodieBuckley on January 19, 2009 07:57 PM]

  • Hun... i don't know how to word this without upsetting or offending you but what your other half said about his daughter is BANG out of order. I can't get my head around the fact a daddy would say that to his daughter and mother of his child???!!

    If your daughter needs 6oz of milk then by god - give her 6oz. don't let your OH tell you you can't because she's getting fat, that's rediculous!! she's a baby!!

    If your OH is going to effectively make her go without food/milk just for the reason he thinks she's getting fat - it's negligent honey - it's wrong and he can't do that!

    i very much feel for you though being under the pressure from him but please don't break honey, your her mummy and you know whats best for your little gitl.

    I actually think if your OH can say the words

    "if you keep her on 6oz you can go and fck off and take that fat blubber with you"

    he needs help. serious help. what an unbelievable thing to say, and to refer his daughter as "that fat blubber". i personally wouldnt be with any man who could let those words come from his lips.
  • Hun you need to put your little girls needs first, not what he wants. Take him to speak to the hv or get hv to come to the house, he needs to get a grip. My baby, Theo, is a chubba but babies are meant to be that way. Theo has 2 meals a day and 4 6oz bottles a day. Does he not understand that babies dont know how to be greedy? They'll only take what they need. You really need to do something sweetie because its not fair on your baby.
    xxx
  • oh hon, sorry to hear that for some strange reason your oh has such a clear obsession with food and weight. my mum has a tendency to obsess over the size of my kids and how much they eat, this is linked to the fact that she was an obese child and she was neurotic about it when we were kids too. Has your oh ever suffered from weight problems in the past? its no excuse to say the things he does and tbh honey if u dont love him anymore and these arguements are affecting the kids then maybe the answer is to seperate. only u can make that decision. have u sat him down and explained the effect this is having on the whole family?
    from what u have said, u are doing fine feeding-wise with your lo, she's getting the right amounts so please try not to feel bad.
    i'm sorry i cant be more help honey xxxxx
  • Oh hun, don't really have any advice but you should do what's best for your baby and they need food to grow! That is sooooo crap what your oh is making you do/feel!!!! Most babies will go through a chubby baby phase but as soon as they get mobile it just drops off!

    Maybe get your health visitor to come round and explain to your oh how much a baby should feed if he won't listen to you!

    Best of luck! x
  • I too don't want to cause any offence, but I think its totally unacceptable to talk about anyone like that let alone his child and his partner. You're her mum and obviously know what is best for your child. You need to do what you think is right with regards to her food and milk.

    I can quite clearly see why you think you don't love him anymore, I certianly wouldn't be with any person who ever spoke to me that way. But me saying that is obviously a lot easier than you if you are with him.

    Giver her what she wants as and when honey, but please don't let her see you and her daddy fighting. Its not fair on the children no matter what. Even if they are not in the room, children can still pick up on a bad surrounding.

    Hope things get better for you, and please do what you feel is right for your child.


    xxx
  • HUn you need to do whats right by your baby and forget what he is saying. Ashton is 29 weeks and has breakfast, lunch & pud, tea & pud plus a snack during the day and about 25ozs of milk a day! Milk really is the best for them at this stage especially up to six months and then from there they need about 20ozs a day on top of food. I would ask your hv or doctor to explain this to him, or show him our replies, lol! xxxxx
  • HUn you need to do whats right by your baby and forget what he is saying. Ashton is 29 weeks and has breakfast, lunch & pud, tea & pud plus a snack during the day and about 25ozs of milk a day! Milk really is the best for them at this stage especially up to six months and then from there they need about 20ozs a day on top of food. I would ask your hv or doctor to explain this to him, or show him our replies, lol! xxxxx
  • Your oh is bang out of order. What an awful thing for him to say about his daughter. I just can't believe it.
    Your lo needs more milk than what your oh is saying for sure! I'd say about 30oz minimum. Ignore your oh (the wanker he is - sorry).
    Maybe you need to think about whether he is made of the right stuff to be a dad...? Sorry if that sounds harsh.
  • he should never have said that! babys are suppose to get chubby! u cant get a fat baby! u need to give her what she needs. 6oz is not a lot at a time for that age anyway.tell him to get lost! x
  • Flippin' heck babe that's a really hard position to be in. I think you're right in that your lo obviously wants and could eat more than her 5oz bottles.

    What worries me is why is your oh so worried about her being 'fat'? I don't mean to sound offenceive (GOD can't spell today!!)but does he need help or someone to talk to? Really don't mean that to sound horrible just thought it was an odd thing to say.
    Can you go and stay with someone else for a bit till it settles down? Maybe it would give you guys time to talk away from the whole feeding issue.

    Really good luck babe and it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job under difficult conditions and standing up for your lo and her needs-there was no way I'd manage at all! xxx
  • Seriously you need to listen to the ladies on her - your partner sounds like a complete muppet. I was paranoid about my son being fat, but very quickly realised after him actually losing alot of weight very quickly at 2 months (he was ill - couldn't get the milk into him!) that i would MUCH rather he was a chubby, HAPPY boy than a scrawny screamer. There are people out there who have seious problems with getting their kids to eat properly - you have a child who is hungry. Ignore your other half - he hasn't got a clue. Fair play to you for putting up with it for so long but i personally believe its time you put your foot down xx
  • Seriously you need to listen to the ladies on her - your partner sounds like a complete muppet. I was paranoid about my son being fat, but very quickly realised after him actually losing alot of weight very quickly at 2 months (he was ill - couldn't get the milk into him!) that i would MUCH rather he was a chubby, HAPPY boy than a scrawny screamer. There are people out there who have seious problems with getting their kids to eat properly - you have a child who is hungry. Ignore your other half - he hasn't got a clue. Fair play to you for putting up with it for so long but i personally believe its time you put your foot down xx
  • OMG he sounds a nasty piece of work and doesn't deserve to be a Daddy. Don't let this man bully you into making the wrong decisions for your daughter please!!
  • I actually wanted to cry fir your baby after Reading this. That baby can not look after herself and needs you to be her mother and giveher what she wants AND needs. Of course your oh can have opinions but he's putting your child at risk. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship but if you can't talk to humans make him understand your baby needs these things you need to leave. Talk to your hv / mum/ abuse hotline someone and protect your children please. My lo is 1 and still has more than 2 bottlesof milk a day he is only 22 lb not even on the side of fat and I wouldn't care if he was if I was giving him what he needed ( as opposed to pizza chips and mcd etc)
  • Sorry this is still upsetting me............. Is this the only time he's been spout of control? Talk to him and even of he doesn't see sense you HAVE to ignore him and if it's safe to leave just leave , if you are at risk pleaseconfide in somebody to help get you and your poor children out before he puts more stupid rules in place!
  • That's an awful thing to say. Poor you and lo. I was thinking if he had a weight problem as a child or maybe one of his family, maybe that's why he's so preoccupied with his daughter's weight.
    My LO is a lot older than yours, 8 months, and he drinks loads of milk about 4 7oz bottles plus 3 solid meals, one with a pudding. And he hardly puts on any weight anymore in fact my HV is worried about his weight! So that doesnt make sense at all that she would get fat. By god if you feed her like he suggests you do, she may well go the other way and end up undernourished, personally I would stop the juice as she needs milk not juice.

    My oh mum is a childminder and cos of this, he thinks he knows it all!!! He told me when I was pregnant that when we picked the brand of nappies we were going to use for our LO, we could never change it as changing brands would give lo nappy rash without fail. I told him it was a load of crap and we had a HUGE row about it! He insisted that if you used mainly pampers and then used a huggies for example, the baby would without fail get a bad rash. What a load of rubbish, lol, as I've used loads of diff brands on Gabe and he has never ever had a rash in 8 months!!!!!

    Just a thought, when you next get your lo weighed, why not bring OH along?? And ask the Hvs advice about her milk and food? then maybe he will see you aren't over feeding her.
  • Hey Love,

    Not going to talk about your fella, althought just to say he is in the wrong..

    Babies have no idea of body image, your little girl is growning the fastest now than any other time in her life! Every few weeks they have a massive growth spurt and need extra to get the body thru all the extra work it is doing. She will take (if let) as much as she need to enable her to what she needs to & no more! Babies can't! (anyone on here will tell you) if they ever drank more than they are meant to, they soon bring it up again. Her body is designed to know what is best for HER! She knows when she has had enough. Poor little mite feeling hungry & never quite satisfied - She is crying to tell you she needs more.. MUM knows best! I don't care what anyone says Nobody knows a baby like there own mummy does. If your fella is worried about her getting fat they are his issues not hers. My baby took 8oz x 6 a day! Plus food he certainly is not fat.. he is normal! Hun go with your Gut.. I think you know anyways cause you have said you know its not right. were always here to support you. x
  • Please please remember that your oh has other people he can ask for help but your baby only has you, and so as difficult as it is you need to do what is best for her because she has nobody else. Her life, her happiness, her everything is in your hands, and she has no choice in that but you and your oh do. To be honest not feeding a baby when they are crying for food is abuse, and you love your baby and would never do anything to hurt her so please don't let your oh put his problems on her.

    good luck, you deserve better support being a mummy is hard enough

    xx
  • Hi everyone, can i just say thanks for replying. I've read them all and no-one has offended me at all by what you've all said. I cant understand why he's so obsessed by her weight. she is spot on 13lb 13oz. He was never over weight as a child, he was really skinny, i'm quite skinny and my son is skinny (but eats like a pig!) so whats the big deal.

    When he said those things to me the first thing i wanted to do was punch him in the face, only thing that stopped me was the fact that my son was sitting next to him. I wanted leave there and then.

    Anyway i've thought long and hard about what to do. Tomorrow morning i will TELL him we are going to feed her my way and if he's not happy he can fk off. I feel so horrible that av even put my gorgeous baby girl through any of this. No more mr nice guy.

    Am going to see my HV tomorrow and have a chat with her aswell.

    Thanks again ladies and if its ok i will update you tomorrow and let you know how its going. I'm sorry this has upset some of you but i promise i will sort it.
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content