Funerals

I'm fuming
Sadly last week my hubbies uncle died and the funeral is today.
We went to the in laws last night to finalise details who's going in whos car etc only to be told its inappropriate for children to be at the funeral and that they where surprised I would be going as it's family only. I thought I was considered part of the family now as I'm married to thier son and have had thier grand child :cry:
Archie is 6 months old and still bfing what else where we meant to do with him FFS :evil:
Then my mother in law said well children are welcome to the wake to which hubbie said so what is lucie meant stay in the car till then (it's miles away and I don't drive)

I'm just really shocked and hurt and I can't be there for my hubby when he is upset.
I really thought I was one of the few that got on thier mother in law but now I may have to re think that.

I'm I being silly? would you have taken your child?

Posts

  • omg - that's horrible!!! I cannot believe they are being like that to you, casting you out. I think it's terrible, sorry I can't believe it! I don't think there is much you can say, if your oh has already had a word and they are still being arkward, then you might have to stay at home, I understand you want to comfort your oh, but I wouldn't get involved with people like that, they sound don't sound very nice, especially at a time like this. xox
  • I am at home I didn't want to cause an argument.
    I normally get on with them so well thats why I'm just so shocked by the response.
  • thats is horrible bless u dont in laws know just how to make someone feel great eh!! ...my grandad died 2 days before sophia was born and she was 1 week old when he was buried ....i took sophia because i had to ,my auntie was out side the church when we arrived and said"ooh u have bought the baby she had better not cry" my respose was 2"of course not what ever gave u the impression babies cry dont worry i have a sock in my bag for her mouth if she starts" :lol: her face was that of a funny picture image ...i would have gone with him if i was u although i hope he speaks to his mum now (not today but soon)about how if she feels the need to exclude u and say u are not their family then neither is ure lo ...that should make her think ...hope ure ok hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • I've missed it and since I don't drive I didn't have the option anyway
  • I can't believe your oh's family have taken that attitude- I would have thought that they'd be pleased to see you cared and wanted to make the effort. My oh's grandmother died a few weeks ago, we took Beth (6 months at the time) to the funeral and everyone said how nice it was to see her, they said it helped take their mind off things a bit and that his gran would have loved to have her there. I did take her out of the service when she got a bit fussy but that was all.

    If I were you I would give oh's family a bit of space for a week or two and then talk to your mil (or ask oh to talk with her) and explain how upset you felt and how you are now wondering how you stand in the family. They probably don't mean to upset you, it may just be thoughtlessness and being wrapped up in their own feelings.
  • i can speak from the other side of this experience, a family member tried to stop us kids from attending our grandads funeral, i was adamant that i was goin as we were close. i did go in the end and im glad i did, altho family didnt allow me to go to the chapel of rest which i was dissapointed with., i was about 14 at the time. i think children should be allowed, funerals can b so depressin when they shuld be a celebration of life, not mourning of passing.

    speak to ur oh, im sure he'll smooth things over
  • hey,

    I lost my grandad recently and was told I couldn't take my lo, I had to leave her with someone I knew 1 hour from the service or leave her with someone she'd never met before. I left her with a friend in the end. It probably was the right thing to do although I did miss her lots.

    Atleast your oh knows that you wanted to be there for him and you can give him lots of support when he comes home.
  • Hi, that's awful that you didn't get to go. Agree with someone else who said give the family sone space and then approach the subject in a wee while explaining how it made you feel.
    I probably wouldn't take my lo either (also Archie and 6months, lol) I just know that I get really emotional at funerals and wouldn't want him to see me like that. I wouldn't be able to give him the attention he needs. S x
  • A lot of it is personal choice and family tradition. when my father in law died I was welcome (had only been going out with his som for 5 mths) and there were some kids there. My bil took his elder 3 step children but did leave his 6mth old with a friend for the services. There was no pressure on them either way, but I think they felt it easier to grieve without a baby around and meant they didn't have to leave if the baby cried a lot.
  • I think it is personal choice too, and probably down to how your los are as well. My fil died a few weeks ago and hubby and I talked about whether our lo (14 months old) should attend the funeral with us or not. We decided that it wouldn't be fair on him as he is too young to understand what has happened and why his daddy is so upset, so we left him with my mum (who was fab and drove over to my mils two hours away so she could look after him for us). We then collected him after the funeral and took him to the reception afterwards.
    It was definately the right thing to do for us as I needed to be there for my hubby and not worrying about what my toddler was doing! I would have been totally gutted though if my mil had said I wasn't part of the family!! That is so out of order! Plus I would have expected hubby to speak up for me if she had said that! xxx
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