Just the one baby?

Hia
Seems a lot of people from by born in group are already thinking about ttc again. Hubby and I have decided just to stick to having the one gorgeous girl we have now. We went through so much to have her and now she is here she i all we want-she is perfect.
Just wondering if anybody else decided to stick with one baby. Everybody keeps telling me I HAVE to have more to give dd some company-it's starting to drive me mad!!
Please tell me I'm not a freak for thinking I only want one baby!!
luc and Bri 20 weeks
xxxx

Posts

  • you are not a freak! OH and i originally decided on one baby. i have been thinking about another, but only because I want to experience everything again. we will also be sticking to just the one miracle image will mean we have more chance of being able to afford to give her everything that we would like to xx
  • Yay I'm not alone!! I was thinking the same thing that we would be able to afford to give dd nicer things and to take her on nice holidays. Also she can have our undivided attention. Glad it's not just me-people have been making me feel so guilty as if I'm being selfish just having one.
    xx
  • You're def not alone!
    We will be sticking with our one handful too!!
    She was a prem baby so the chances of having another are higher, and my age is also not on my side, so one it is!
    I think that as long as they have plenty of friends and contact with other children then they won't be deprived of company in my opinion.
    One little handful is more than enough for me LOL!! x
  • You're def not alone!
    We will be sticking with our one little girl too!!

    She was a prem baby so the chances of having another are higher, and my age is also not on my side, so one it is!
    I think that as long as they have plenty of friends and contact with other children then they won't be deprived of company in my opinion.
    One little handful is more than enough for me LOL!! x
  • I also feel like this and very strongly. I am so happy and blessed with our little girl but tbh I just want the one. My mil and sil are not happy with me, they are trying to pressure me into having more and telling me that I am selfish for only wanting the one baby but I love the idea that we will be able to give her what she needs and spoil her a little and still spoil ourselves as well.
  • Rosapenny-sorry to hear you are being pressured into more by ur mil and sil. It's not nice having people think you are selfish. What's so wrong with only wanting one baby!!
    xx
  • We think we'll just have one aswell due to lots of reasons-my health, finances, living in a 2-bed but mainly, we feel complete-it doesn't feel like there's anything missing. I do get my broody days and i have concerns that lo will be lonely or ill have regretts so im not saying 'never' but deep down, im pretty sure we'll be a party of 3. No-one believes us though!xx
  • we only ever intended to have 1 and i have absolutely no desire to have another, i thought pregnancy and labour were bloody awful (i had a difficult labour, forceps etc) and my little girl is all i have ever wanted, i'm very lucky :\) also, my husband and i have been together a long time and like to think, awful as this may sound to some people, that we would like a little of our old life back sooner rather than later also we want to be able to give her the best we can, education wise etc and we likely will only be able to afford to do that for one child! i'm actually considering asking them to sterilise me, or hubby get a vasectomy image
  • yep i'm another only having one, we have a perfect beautiful little girl why would i need more?? well that's what i've started to tell people who ask when we're having another. Pippa will be one in a few weeks and i'm so sick of people asking already, i've been told she'll be spoilt and lonley and that i'm selfish for not having more than one. Why is it selfish, by having one it means we can afford a house, there's no way we could afford two lots of childcare unless we lived in a box, i have days when i feel abit broody but then i remember what it was like and think never again.
    also sick of people saying i'll change my mind when i know i won't, i love our little family, i hated growing up in a big family (i was one of 5 children) and my parents never had enough time for each of us.
    xxx
  • Hey Lucimage

    I'm totally in agreement that whilst it is our decision how many babies we have, our decision will be at least to have two children. Having reently lost my father in law at a relatively young age, and watch my husband take on a lot of the organisational aspect of this with support from his sister, it struck me how much more difficult it all would have been if he hadn't had a sibling to share the emotional pressure. Whilst better holidays and education are wonderful things, they are not essential and our children will hopefully be a long time around without us. It would just seem awfully lonely for them if they were all alone!! They may have lots of friends or extended family, but these things aren't the same as brothers or sisters, regardless of how well they do or don't get on when they're little.

    Just my point of view!
    Jx
  • Hi,
    I did feel like this too, very strongly in fact, for a long time but when my son was about 7 I started longing for another. I've since had a stillbirth and am pregnant again with twins and can't wait!! I will be stopping after the twins, but if it were only 1 then i would be having another so they don't have the same lonely upbringing my son had. My son is 10 and it's now i notice it the most. Our last holiday was a nightmare as he had no-one to play with and was unhappy. It broke my heart!! I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters so i know what it's like to have the company of siblings. I just want to say i'm not saying you are wrong in your decisions as you have to do whats right for you and your family. It's just the way I felt after a long time xx
  • i felt this way for while had placental probs with my pregnancy, and also money worries too. my dad was a only child, he is fine! lol. i do want two children but i dont no when the next one will come along, i was one of 5 and loved it! and we are all very close. my dad wasnt spoilt at all so i guess its how you raise the child or children, 1 or more... any child can be spoilt.
    if money wasnt a issue i would have 3 or 4 but i want to be happy and comfortable and not struggle so its 2 for me! but 1 for now.x
  • See I know that people say that an only child will have a lonely upbringing, I dont really believe this is true, there are 4 in my family but we are not close in age, I am the third child my older brother is 8 years older, my sister is 6 years older and my younger brother is 11 years younger so he grew up like an only child and still loves this even at 18, he got to go on holidays that we didnt, he was and is a really happy boy, the rest of us are like aunts and uncles to him.
    I hate that I feel pushed into having more children, why am I selfish for only wanting one?! I explained to my mil and sil that I found the pregnancy and labor very difficult, lo is almost 5 months old and I am still having problems healing but they cant understand this. This is like the constant asking of newlyweds when are they planning children but what if they cant or just dont want to have children, surely asking somebody or pushing them to have more children is just plain rude! :x
  • I totaly agree with you rosapenny. Although I have one brother and sister I have nothing to do with them and have not spoken to them since I was 10. They are both a lot older than me and have caused me a lot of upset and even been abusive a few times. I therefore grew up as an only child from the age of 10 as my mum re-married and I loved it. I got to go on lovely holidays and I really enjoyed having all my parents love and attention. I was never lonely as I had plenty of friends and on holidays I enjoyed spending time with my parents as well as being independent and enjoying some time on my own too!!
    I know that dd will never be lonely when we pass on as my husbands side of the family are very close and she has plenty of extended family who will always be there for her.
    It's just my experience that although I got on great with my brother and sister when I was little they then changed when they hit 18 and have caused me more pain and upset than I care to remember. I have had sever depression due to the experience so maybe I am biased.
    As for the holidays and things I know they are not everything a child needs. But it is nice to be able to take our children nice places and treat them to nice things from time to time. My hubby is once of 4 and until I met him he had NEVER been on holiday or even been to a zoo because his parents couldnt afford to take them all!! He does feel like he missed out on a few things.
    It really gets to me that people think I'm selfish for only having one baby and that dd will be missing out on things.
    xx
  • I want 3, but just wanted to comment! It really riles me that people feel they have a right to judge and try to influence what is, essentially, a very personal and private decision. You have to do what you feel is right for you, your oh and child/children. No one else can possibly know what that is. GRRRRR!!!!
  • Hi its likely that we will only have the 1 lo was a miracle ivf then I had a bad birth. Me and hubby will make sure he doesn't miss out by not having a sibling and I don't think there is anything wrong only wanting 1 I agree with Lisao its a personnel choice xx
  • I didnt get a choice! lol!

    I can see both sides though. I never wanted just one child, however, I would have loved the experience of giving my all to one baby before having another.

    I wouldnt trade my boys in for the world and there are masses of advantages to having twins but I can see why people would only want one child as I would love to be able to shower all my attention on 1 child, even if I planned to have 2 anyway!

    My dilema now is that I want to experience having a single child, but I never wanted 3 children and dont feel I can provide for 4! The boys are only 5 months and I dont want another 1 yet but twins were never on my agenda!

    They may end up being our only children image

    You should all do what you want to do...bugger anyone else. Some people would have 10, 11, 12 children given the opportunity, some would have none.

    Im not sure if ive made sense but I still struggle to come to terms with how I feel about all this, which is why I think I get so irritated by all the people who tell me 'I would have loved to have twins'. Makes me feel like a freak as the thought never even entered my head and there have been many a time (please dont think I dont love my boys more than the world, or that I would give them up as I NEVER would) where I have thought about how much different it would be having 1.

    Sorry if ive offended. I still struggle to make sense of it all in my own head!!
  • I spent the first 9 years of my life as an only child before my mum went on to have more, and I think you have to make the best decision for your own family. I personally would happily have 6, and my dh would love more then that even, and despite the fact that we are both hard working, able to afford our children, and choose to have them it is incredible the comments we do get. It seems you can't win have one and people say have more, have more than two and people act like you are doing something terrible. Enjoy your beautiful babes, they are perfect and if your family is perfect as is why change something that makes everyone involved happy.

    xx
  • I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd. I grew up extremely close to my younger brother, we are close in age, and my two will roughly be the same age difference. I cannot imagine just having the one.

    It is definately a personal thing. I know some people who at the moment will not have another.

    I do know some people who ahve grown up being a only child. Whislt this has worked for some, it hasn't worked for others.

    like I said its a personal choice and no one should be forced to avhe a child if they don't want one
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