getting men to help - without moaning...!! tips please

very prejudiced post i am afraid
apologies to all the super daddys out there

hi all!!

back to work this week
dad at home to have little one
cue lots of moaning and groaning and arguing and sulking etc etc
apparently i criticise for explaining things and offering my opinion or how i would do it
he cant get that i do literally everything when he is at work, including getting up int h enight early mornings then tea, cleaning, bottles, cooking, washing blah blah blah...
i go to work and come to still have to clean up, do shopping, ring all the people i askled him to do during the day etc etc etc
sound familiar? any tips? this cant go on, theres a raging argument going to happen soon and we are not like that usually!

doesnt help that at 11 months little one v used to beingwith me all day and has started to wake in night, wont go down to sleep easily at night, i can see the impact its having and having a grumpy dad really isnt helping either...

help
stressed n upset
soon xxx

Posts

  • BE keeps eating this post sorry...grrr
  • the only advice i can give is to do what he would do, just go to work, he should soon realise what you do when there is no food and the house is a mess, other than that you could write a day in the life of me for him to read to see what you acctually do,

    hope you can reslove this, i know how frustrating it can get when people dont understand, one of our friends cant see why hubby cant look after LO when hes working from home all day! i have said he is welcome to have a go himself and i am sure he would soon change his mind!

  • hi hun im afraid its just not in built in a man to think of these things ...ive spent years and years nagging my oh and 8.5 years into our relationship he is FINALLY starting to get it!!! ..all i can say is the same as piggy popps ,go to work dont do anything before and after ,it wont take him long ..less than a week i predict to start thinking oh crap i better start getting on with things either that or nag nag nag image xx
  • How about writing him a list? I find my hubby's very good at ticking jobs off a list image

    He hates it when I 'tell him what to do' lol!

    xx
  • I was going to suggest the same as Tottie.

    Or do a planner, of things that have to be done in the week, including the days when you work, so he can see that you share all responsibilities. Withouth sounding horrible I do have to treat my hubby like a child sometimes! lol xx
  • definitely write a list and leave it out for him.

    One thing I've found from flat-sharing with men and women in the past: men will do the housework etc if they're told what they need to do via a list/rota, rather than nagging. They just need to see it in black and white and cross it off when it's done. Women are more complex (lol).

    On the few occasions I have left LO with OH I write the routine down for him and it seems to work.

    Getting him or other people to understand how hard it is day in day out is another matter. xxx
  • I'll go with list. I have to nag my OH to do EVERYTHING and it doesn't work most of the time. Or make certain jobs 'His', like in my house, the aftermath of our dinner is my OH's job, and usually tidying the toys away is his job too, he does these while I put lo to bed. Everything else I do, inc. managing money, shopping and majority of gardening (he cuts the grass, but has to be practically forced to do it!). I have occasionally made him go and pay the council tax but he didn't even know how to do it! Now THIS is the major thing that annoys me about men in general. They don't learn how to do things, they just wait for someone else to do it! GRRR
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