why cant he be like this!

Im sat here looking at my dad and hes playing with harri and talking to him and harri is loving it! but im so guttrd coz my oh rarely does this, he loves him too bits but gets bored easily wen holding him and interacting and is quick to put him on his mat after a while. its makes me so sad, i wish he would be with him like my dad is! why cant he do it!? ive told him about it and he is good with him but he sometimes dont bother! when will he start acting like a daddy!!! Have i made a mistake thinking he would step up to the mark! its really upsetting. should i just lay it on the line with him, and say if he dont start being with him more i will walk. xxx


  • but hes getting such a little personality now, hes 5 months. hes on nights at the mo got up at 3 and stayed on laptop till 6 then kissed harri goodbye wen he left at 7 this is not good enough in my eyes, he could of spent that time with harri. xx
  • hey hun. my oh is exactly the same. i have a 5week old boy. he loves his son to buts but dosnt talk to him or cuddle him very often. when i say something to him, he assumes im calling him a bad dad. im scared that they will not bond very well.

    i dont think you should threaten to leave him, you just need to talk to him about it-see if anything changes. i cant really give much advise as i am in the same position! xx
  • i bet your bloke feels silly like said above! i know he perhaps shouldn't as it's his baby but everyone deals with things differently including caring for a child! perhpas if you left him alone in the room and go off and have a bath or out he may feel less silly if your not there listening!

    i find my hubby fab BUT he does prob get more impatient than i do and believe me normally im very impatient, but the one thing having a baby teaches you its that!!!

    how olds your lo? perhaps as you lo gets older and starts giggling, playing etc he may feel more confident with baby!

    i think you should speak to him but first try asking him if he just feels silly as if thats all it is then do not walk out!!!

    i really really hope things get better as its such a shame he's missing out on your lo being a baby before we'll know it they'll be having todler tantrams xxx
  • ive been telling him since harri was tiny, he thinks im calling him a bad dad so i try to be nice about it and talk like adults but its no good.xx
  • Hey hun, i understand what you mean, my oh is the same with my daughter, i know he loves her to pieces but it feels like sometimes he cant be bothered or would rather do something else than play with her. As soon as she cries or starts acting up he passes her back or puts her in her swing! ive had so many digs at him about it he still doesnt understand what i am on about. he see's that he bothers with her loads but i see different. he works all week so i dont expect him to take over when he gets in but is it too much to ask for him to try harder or at least show some interest?! i get so down about it sometimes that i find myself picking arguments over anything just to have a moan at him, even though i should just tell him my thoughts about it. she can be a real handful though sometimes so i put it aside and just think its cos he just doesnt know what to do with her!! just thought id let you know your not on your own
    Caz x x
  • hiya yeah totallyhe will be so much more hands on when your lo is a bit bigger my oh was good but not great lol
  • My OH is the same too, he "doesn't do" babies but is brilliant with our eldest who's 3 now. I was a bit gutted when Joe was a baby cos I expected him to be well into being a daddy and he just didn't know how to behave with him. This time round I knew what to expect and, whilst sometimes it annoys me, I know it's not forever and seeing him playing with Joe more than makes up for it.
  • i think they take it wrong way and end up being like well if you know best you just do it! bla bla bla - but like you said its not good enough really!!! as i was writing my post the others wrote theres so hadn't seen them but what i would say is arange o go out somewhere that you can't really take lo to - then he'll have to deal with him even if its for an hour or so... you need some time and space aswell xxx
  • i just feeling hes missing out on him hes giggleing now and loves to have nursery rymes sung to him and be tiggled or just to let him play with your face but no..no joy. cazzy.w like you saod he thinks he does plenty but he doesnt do enough i dont expect him to take over from me bu just to show him some affection would warm my heart.xxx
  • I think it can be quite common with men, my oh is only just starting to get more comfortable, lo is now 9 months since about 5 months he started chatting more with her but now he actually takes her off other people for a hug etc.
    I think it is just a matter of not being a baby person, he has never had anything to do with babies or even children but he is gradually changing.
    I started getting him to take lo for about half an hour to an hour while I sorted out lo's bottles and dinner and also got him to give her last bottle at night and I think that has helped and also given me a bit of time to get things done.
  • My daughter is just over 6 months now so not much older than Harri is. i had words with my oh friday night about it...we fell out went and stayed at my mums lol x since then he has tried alot more with her so maybe it might have sunk in this time. (finally) but like you say its like your telling them their a bad dad
    Caz x x
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