Why do we need men to have babies??

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!
I'm so annoyed at the minute! OH is really annoying me! everything he does gets on my nerves! he makes no effort with lo and i go back to work this month and how is he going to look after him properly if he doesn't know what to do??
LO is being abit of a bugger at the minute and i'm weaning him so i'm trying to get into a routine with that, and LO is so clingy lately and i'm just getting no help! i'm starting to struggle and ended up in tears last night! i just get no time to myself! i end up staying up late just to have a few hours of freedom even though i'm knackered and should really go to bed!
LO is 6 months old and next saturday is the first day that he is going to his nanna's without me to spend the day, i feel guilty because i'm kinda looking forward to it!!!
He's the kind of baby that needs alot of attention and he is really hard work! why can't oh just help out?
I was so tired this morning i asked him to look after him so i could have a nap, told him he was due a feed at 11, so at 11 he came upstairs with lo and said, when shall i feed him? then left him crying in his cot while he got it ready!!! clearly just to wake me up so he wouldn't have to feed him himself!
in general we are just not getting on and i feel miserable, i've told him how i feel and he just doesn't respond, i feel trapped and don't know what to do! :cry:
any advice???

Posts

  • Not sure if this is normal for everyone but me and oh went through a similar nightmare when lo was 6 months.
    He still doesn't do masses and could in no way look after lo on his own as he has no idea about feeds etc but he does work more hours than me, he does the last bottle at night and i make him get up through the night if lo wakes.
    My lo is also very demanding of attention and not a great daytime sleeper so i know how hard it is, i am lucky that i have my mum who is amazing.
    If i did not have my mum i would think i would struggle as sometimes i feel like a single mum, sometimes i think i would be better off on my own as i wouldn't be picking up after oh as well as everything else but he does love our lo so much he is just a complete useless case when it comes to much help!
    He looked after lo while i had a nap the other day and came up just as i had finally fell asleep to tell me lo had just done a poo but it was ok he had changed her nappy!

    It did get better for us so hopefully it is just a bad patch and things will improve.
    Try talking to him about it but remember he is ONLY a man lol!
  • not got any advice hun, but just to let you know my oh is the same, i went to bingo the other week with my mum, sister in law & her mum, fed my lo before i went, telled him that before she gets too hungry give her a yogurt in about an hour or so to put her on till i get home otherwise she wont have anything but the breast (i breastfeed and she wont take bottles) i also left some expressed milk as she will drink it out of a cup. he texted me a hour an half later saying she was carrying on, so i asked if he had give her a yogurt only for him to reply "ooops i forgot ill give her it now". by that stage she just wanted me to feed her so was in a right state when i got in 30 mins later. the 1st night i have ever left her and this happened, i was not impressed. i was only gone 2-3 hours, not like it too much to ask is it!!! i wont leave her with him now and i never seem to get 5 mins MEN!!!!!!!
    sorry for the rant....
    Caz x x
  • Oh God, I totally know where you're coming from. If I left my OH with lo he wouldn't have a clue where to start! I have to say though, I broke up with him for a few days a few weeks ago and he was on the phone constantly begging me to take him back, we got back together and he was great! Then now, all that seems to be forgotten about and everything is back the way it was. I am at the end of my tether with it all and I think maybe the only way for me to stop bein upset is to break up with him for good. We have been together for 4 yrs though, it's hard! Sorry I can't give you any good advice but just want you to know you're not alone.
    xxx
  • sounds like we are all thinking the same things! why is it so hard?
    An hour a go i painted the skirting board in the bathroom, after i done sterilising and making bottles etc!!
    I asked him to decorate lo room when i was pregnant, he's now 6 months and its not finished! he is going to move in there soon and its not finished for god sake, i'm fed up of asking, we moved 3 years ago and there ain't a single room thats finished! and coz i'm home all the time its getting to me and he just says yeah next week next week! next week never comes, so i'm working my way through it myself then he moans if i don't do it right! i don't know what i'm doing but i'm doing my best!
    You would think that would spur him on, make him feel guilty for not doing it but it don't, i'm going to ask him for some time apart! i can't enjoy my lo when things are like this its not fair!
    Good luck to you ladies too! image
  • hallelujah ( is that spelt right?) I'm not alone.

    It must just be a man thing!! I threatened to leave this morning before I went to work.

    My oh is out of work at mo, and I'm working 4 days but I still had to get up three times with lo last night while he snores. He went out Friday night till 4 am and I had a terrible night on my own with Shea, I then went to a hen do saturday night, came home at midnight and then got up at 1am and 4 am to see to Shea again. Everything he does annoys me too. They never seem to help out enough even tho I think he does quite a lot for a dad.

    I think our hormones must still be playing up and I have to admit I've changed a lot since lo was born, I have become quite neurotic and stressed.
    Maybe we all need some meditation or something.......
    xxxx
  • Hi i cant get over how many couples go through this once baby is born and sadly more and more seem to be spilting up!why is this?do you think we all just give up to easily?im a single mum and tbh im glad!things werent going well with my ex and i went through a nightmare time when i was pregnant which actually helped me realise if he could treat me like he did then he wasnt worth the time!and i do think it must be easier at times being on my own as some of you said there is no stress over a useless oh who doesnt help out enough and its easier to keep on top of things with just me and lo!of course there are times when being here on my own is bloody hard work,but i to have a wonderful mum who helps out whenever i need her too and in some ways i feel me and my mum are bringing up my son..he doesnt need his dad who imo is still a useless waste of time!no job so not supporting his son whereas im struggling to work and provide for lo all myself!ok rant over!just find it sad that sometimes what should be the happiest times in our relationships can be the saddest and cause to many break ups!I do think because men are out at work most days and we do tend to do everything ourselves and not leave lo with daddy on their own for long very often they dont know how hard it really is and tie that into being tired,hormones and no time for ourdelves its only natural that we end up argueing with oh for not helping out enough!bloody men!lol
  • my OH has been off work for a week now and has another week off this week too. he's actually been ANNOYINGLY helpful. lol. i was so looking forward to getting help with evie but now i cant wait for him to bugger off back to work. he's totaly changed evie's routine despite me telling him exactly what it is, he doesn't follow it at all and just "guesses" when she's tired or hungry. he's been trying to get her out of the habbit of being swaddled and rocked to sleep at nap times, by using the controlled crying (which worked brilliantly at betime). thing is though it's too much change for her all at once and it's really disturbing her, she's not sleeping properly during the day and is getting groggy and tired and generally doesnt know if she's coming or going. lol. so just goes to show - too much input from OH is just as bad - if not worse than none!! lol. we do it best don't we girls? so it's not so bad on LO if mummys left to her own devices xxx
  • My lo is only a month old on the 9th. But I was wondering if anyone else had this problem. My oh seems to get angry with him, if he's crying. He only has to be crying for 5 minutes and my oh is getting stroppy. How you can be angry with such a young lo, I can't understand. I end up doing everything, just because I can't stand him being angry and worry my baby will pick up on it. xxxx
  • What can I say... Im glad to be single, though im sure alot of you by the sounds of it are near enough single mummys anyway cause you aint getting any help. Men just dont understand and they never will... if only you could bottle maternal instinct and feed it to them!!!!!
  • tiger lily, my oh is the same he has a short fuse to start with but i think he has passed it onto lo cos when she kicks off she kicks off and he has been know to raise his voice at her and get angry. ive had so many do's with him about it. he sees he doesnt do it though! typical
    i dread her when she is older cos he will have met his match with her, she can get so angry sometimes!
    caz x x
  • lol, glad i'm not alone...wont go into it as i dont need to...i'll only be repeating what all the rest of you have said...! but oh's bags have been packed for 2days...i would have locked him out the other day only the door was broke and wouldnt double lock from the inside so he managed to get back in again...lol, which is lucky as we're getting on ok today lol x
  • So sorry to hear so many of you are having such a tricky time with oh's but I just wanted to say it is not the case for them all!!!

    My oh is v good with our lo - sure there are sometimes when I think 'grrr why can't he just do x or y' And more/worse than that - but there were times I thought that BEFORE lo was born!

    Just wanted one positive message on here!!!

    Hope it gets better for all of you - I often find men need to be told EXACTLY want to do - at least once (usually many more times) and generally have it written down too. If oh does something I don't like I make usre I tell him and then tell him how he should do it too!!!!

    No subtle hints just hit them with it like a brick :lol:
  • But don't actually hit them with a brick - pmsl!!!!!! image
  • I kind of agree with Linzimc - even if they do help out with LO we'd moan for them doing it wrong!
    But he doesn't have to help with all the baby stuff, which, lets face it, men are crap at! Even just sweep the floors, wash up once in a while or pick up his clothes! I don't expect OH to do everything, but just something! Or even some gratitude for all the work I do!

    At the moment the only time I get to myself is the evening. Max is in bed at 7 and then I can do all the housework, usually finish around 9 by which time I'm shattered! But my maternity leave ends soon and I'll have to work evenings so I'm going to get no time to do anything around the house.
    And, knowing oh, nothing will get done! I'll have to do stuff quickly while lo is having daytime nap or playing happily then go out to work in the evening.

    Men don't know how lucky they are, really.
  • well more to the point why is it the mans hardship in having children is a bit of tsk tsk and job done, we have morning sickness, stretch marks, fat issues, agonising labour, sleepless nights, blah blah blah need i go on!
    i blame the mils heehee, they obviously treated them like china and didn't want the poor souls to break, it's a wonder they're not all gay! lol. i will be teaching my lo that it's nice to help out and know when someone could do with a hand, it's my mission haha!

    really hope your ohs start pulling their weight soon, my trick was always choosing the moment to phone oh when lo was crying, stay in my pjs all day and leave the hse a mess, then when he came home with no dinner on the table, i point at all these things and say, i've not had a chance! funnily enough he's starting to spend a bit of time with lo now so i can get on with stuff not knowing i've been chilling all day (well not all day but you know what i mean) =)
  • That is a great idea! Maybe I should try that!

    I honestly believe that my OH genuinely doesn't a) see all the stuff that needs doing or b) doesn't care about it.

    He's an only child and his mum was on her own so it was just the 2 of them and I think he had way to much attention. It was (and still is) all about him. Even though I'm running around with a bowl full of dishes, trying to take the washing out the machine, doing some ironing (mainly his shirts!), trying to get Max some food, or he needs changing, making our dinner blah blah blah, he still just sits or usually lays around "are you making a cup of tea?"
    Sometimes I could scream!!

    So, in answer to your question, no. After the initial sperm production and insemination no, I don't think we need them anymore.
  • Well my oh works away so I'm on my own for 2 - 3 nights which has caused us problems. But when oh at home our lo is the apple of his eye. He helps out loads, although I do have to remind him a lot which does get on my nerves, regarding feeds and have you changed nappy but I just think that's because they are dads & we are mums!!
    Other than that he works so hard to earn money for us so I don't begrudge him anything. Sorry!!!! !lol!
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