How To......... Guides ;\) (long...)

Am thinking, with my vast experiences ( :lol: ) of mothering so far, of creating a set of how to guides for new and not so new mothers.

Am willing to show you part one, image

How To.... Feel like an inadequate and useless mother.

1. Visit mother in law.

(what - I need more than that..? OK)
please dont be offended by the use of the word child so much - input her/him, or she/he into that space...

Reluctantly visit mother in law. Grimace and bear it when MIL pats your belly, even though you have a black t shirt on with the words "HANDS OFF THE BELLY" written on it in neon pink, and you have told her it makes you very uncomfortable when people do that very thing.
Allow husband to tell her all the gory details of rectus diastasis, and how you are not allowed to do stuff. Interject to inform them of the ways you have adapted everything during the last week so that you can continue as normal. Be ignored.
Watch with dejection as MIL then takes over everything, complete care of your child. Even when your child wants to come and play with you with a toy, watch as MIL distracts child with a different toy, or an unnecessary bum change.
When child realises mummy is still there and wants a hug, despair as MIL refuses to let go of him/her to allow you to hug them properly, and feel them snatched away from you within seconds.
See child refuse lunch then watch as MIL feeds them biscuits, then informs you that they had a 'few' before lunch.....
Listen to MIL exclaim at how much child has eaten, even though it is only half of what they would normally eat - and feel ignored that you have repeatedly told MIL how much child eats at each meal so she can portion food accordingly and she still gives child less than usual.
Watch as more new toys come out to be played with after repeated requests that child doesn't get a new toy every time child visits.
See tea time pass by and MIL still slowly sort out tea, so that by the time we've sat down to it child isn't hungry anymore, but more interested in banging their spoon on the table.
inform MIL of new prescription bath stuff, and how much to use, and see MIL pour half the bottle into the bath instead of 1 capful. Warn MIL that child doesnt sit down and that they will need help to bath them, but watch as you are repeatedly shut out of the bathroom, at each moment other than the moment the child slips and falls as MIL is trying to get them to play.
Feel shut out as MIL dries and dresses child, and puts them to bed the wrong way up, with a cot full of toys that get in the way. Know that although you have told MIL that child does not need a blanket as well as the winter sleeping bag, you will be ignored.
Retreat downstairs to find husband watching TV and SFIL asleep.
See MIL come downstairs triumphant that she got child to finish bedtime bottle, even though it was given half hour later than you told them child usually has it.
Repeatedly tell MIL to sit down when she jumps up to go to child at every tiny little grumble.
When you finally get the chance to check on your child, find that MIL has covered them with a very thick blanket over their winter sleeping bag and child is hot and sweating, so have to remove it. When you again check on child before bed find MIL has put it back so have to remove it again.
Get up every hour on the hour through the night to soothe child who is too hot and uncomfy as room is boiling (assume MIL has turned radiator up if blanket not allowed)
Wake in the morning to find that MIL took child into their bed for an hour to sleep which is not allowed and they know it.
Also despair again at MIL being delighted child ate half of what they would usually eat for breakfast, yet MIL seems to think it is lots... and despair because child has drank no milk at all.

Pack up bags ready to go, and sort out travelling arrangements to go swimming.
Arrive at baths, and watch MIL again take over undressing and changing of child without asking you. Sit ignored in the corner as husband doesn't allow child time to acclimatise to the water temp, and screams, and MIL complains that they could have it warmer (when it is already at a nice warm 29'c) Watch, still being ignored, as MIL walks child around the baths inbetween swinging them into daddys arms in the water.
Try to take child back to dry and dress him and be told MIL finds it easier 'this way' and feel pushed out once again. Look like an idiot trying to sort stuff out when you have no idea what MIL is doing or in which order.
On way from pool to cafe for dinner, ask MIL to move over to the pavement so that child can walk for a bit and be completely ignored. Repeat instruction to let child walk and again be ignored.
Sit and watch as MIL takes child to play area and allow her to distract child away from you again with toys. Watch as she monopolises all child's playing time, and when coffee's arrive feed child biscuits whilst we're waiting for child's lunch to arrive. Watch MIL then act surprised when child doesn't eat lunch.

Feel completely invisible as husband hasnt noticed a single thing wrong with above behaviour all the time, and upset that they dont understand it isn't 'helping' you relax but wind you up. Feel annoyed when husband suggests it was what you wanted, when you have repeatedly told them all you wanted was a week off at home!

Get even more annoyed and upset when a suggestion made by you previously to celebrate husbands birthday this year has been resuggested by MIL (although she didnt know hubby had already rejected it when suggested by you) and all of a sudden it seems like the best thing in the world.

Wonder why in hell you married a mummy's boy and fume silently all night.

What do you think? :lol:
(cant you tell I had fun the last 24 hours! ) Sorry but she and him have just frustrated me beyond belief!

Any ideas for How To guide no2...?



  • I havent any wise words. Just wanted to say I feel so sorry for you. I bet you just wanted to whack her one and say giv me my lo back adn I'l show how its done properly.
    Im thankful my mil isnt like that...well not yet anyway! xxx
  • OMG!! why have you not killed her by now?

    you must be super woman to put up with her!!
  • omg I would be fuming ! Luckily my MIL is nice and doesnt test me patience and tolerance levels this way. You should get a nice pampering day ( courtesy of hubby of course) and a dart set with her face on the bord lol image You are one patient woman x
  • LMAO that is sooooo right!!!! (not my in-laws mind)

    Please can you continue with part 2 - take child to mother & toddler group???
  • Oh my goodness, what a horrible nightmare. That would drive me mad if hubby was a mummies boy. He was when I first met him but think I stomped it out of him. Poor you! Same mother in law who uses your cooking utensils for mixing paint etc I take it??? xxx
  • Might I gently suggest a name change from MummyStephe, to SaintStephe....

    you would like to believe the woman would have half an idea how irritating she is being but unfortunately not.

    You have every right to chocolate and anything else you crave, and frankly I think your husband has earned a 2 am impossible to find drive accross town craving run... send him out for a tub of ben and jerry's and pomagranate, lol.

    hope the rest of your week is better

  • Same mother in law who uses your cooking utensils for mixing paint etc I take it??? xxx

    wallpaper paste in a pan so far... I would hope she has learnt her lesson and not use them again..... image

    it's difficult when I have to remind her that he is old enough (20 months!) to eat normal food not pureed or mashed anymore, yet not old enough to be given full magnums or other ice lollies or similar sugar loaded 'treats' yet...
    and too old to be molly coddled to bed at night, or taken into the grown ups bed, or dressed sat hunched up on her lap.....

    patience of a saint I havent got - but If i'd have said anything there I'd have walked out on the whole lot of them. I do have a sore tongue......
    I'm still waiting for her to ring to tell us we forgot the 'toy' that hubby wanted to bring home so she'll just 'pop up' with it or we can call in to get it.....
    and I have yet to decide when I'm going to let her come up and see Ollie again... (although give it a coupleof days and I'm suer hubby will be asking about it)
    she kept saying to me, you will ring and let me know if you need help wont you, and I kept mumbling and thinking like hell I'll ring you when you dont help you just take over everything! I'd rather ring my auntie who has no idea how to look after kids as at least she'd listen to what she was asked or told to do!

    and its only gonna get worse when Missy comes along - I've already told her three times in one day that she wont need any clothes as we have a mixture of the ones Ollie had and some we have been given, yet she keeps saying well will you need this or that.... NOOO!!!!!!! Listen woman! She says well she cant have hand me downs all the time so I point out to her that i did say she would regret buying Ollie so much, and now is the time to regret it...... :lol:

    dont think she'll ever listen and have no idea what to do with hubby other than hit him over the head with the pan.
  • Oh god she sounds like a nightmare as usual!!! Lol! xxx
  • Awhhh hun, I'm with Zoey!! Move, quickly, and don't give her a forwarding address!! It's a shame Ollie isn't more like Millie, she wouldn't have put up with being 'babied' like that and would have told her (in a very cute, toddler sort of way) where to stick it!!
  • wow this sounds like my sons nanna, thank god im not with his dad or up north anyone, she used to spoil him, biscuits, sweets anything, and always said nanna knows best, she once kept him for a week as he claimed he did not want to come home, no bloody wonder, my ex was yes mum no mum, it drove me mad. So one day i turned around a told her she was an interferring cow, that done such a crap job at bringing up her sons, now she wanted mine, i dont think so, my ex was a recovering addict of course on the sick, lazy twat and her other son was smoking pot, hmm bloody great job she did there, so i told her i would like my son to be brought up properly by me lol.

    Oh my god you should have seen the text i got lol it was so funny, so glad that old wictch is out of our lives x

    Well done you though by 20 months i told the evil witch to get lost once already lol
  • Stephe, I know its not funny - but that's hilarious!!!
    I'm so sorry for giggling!
    Your poor lamb!

    Joo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • That was a very entertaining read indeed! :lol:

    Have you ever lost your rag with her? (if not, how?) Might be quite a cathartic experince if you did....
  • Oh my god!! I too think you deserve the name StStephe!! Sounds like a day from hell to me!!
  • what a nightmare woman. might be time to say to oh that you are going to have to have it out with her if he won't helptackle her and support you
  • So glad I made some of you laugh image :lol:

    I haven't lost patience with her ever yet, but I can see the day it happens getting closer all the time.
    We cant afford to move that far away - we already live an hour away from them!

    she gave us a selection of coats that she'd been given while we were there - next door neighbour gave them to her. They are for ages 4-5 which is how old next doors ld is, so way too big for him and now all in storage in their loft. But tell me this - she knows she isnt allowed to buy anything for marissa, and yet thinks i wont notice the 3-6 months girly all in one that happened to be mixed up with the coats...... I didnt think i had stupid and thick written across my forehead but obv i do. (although next time i'll tell her i dont want it) Hubby again, hasnt noticed a thing.

    Not too sure I could do a mother and baby group one - it must be about 6 months since we've been to one - found them too judgmental and humiliating, but will give writing one a go.... image

    have a couple of other ideas for guides as well, but any suggestions welcome. :lol:

  • Omg stephe you do have the patience of a saint! I'd have snapped long before and said something! Soon as i caught the mil giving cole crisps at his party (and i'm sure she must have been giving him tons as every time is aw him he was eating one) I told her enough and she got a face on but stopped.

    Think my mum has learned that I do know what i'm doing just because i will ignore her and do what i know is right for cole!

    much sympathy and i'm sorry I couldn't make it on monday - cole is still poorly and he'd have been no fun to be around. hopefully can save you from the mil for a bit next time!
  • Oh Steph - I had to laugh when I read this, I just kept thinking about was your wallpaper paste saucepans episode as well and just cannot believe you havent snapped YET!

    How the hell are you gonna not snap when shes like this with BOTH your babies???

    I bet OH is gonna get soooo much crap given to him over the coming weeks just for you to get even lol. Either that or he stumps up with a HUGE pressie pretty damn quick or I can imagine the wallpaper saucepan being used for that reason again and being served for his tea lol

    Where oh where do you get your patience from???
  • Totally sympathise with everything you've said except that my mil is damn near perfect. It pisses me off beyond belief!! (sp).

  • i felt almost sick reading this....i know it is exactly how my MIL will be and it was making my blood boil just reading your post image
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