Have to see the MIL this weekend.

you'll have seen me lurking more often these days image - i have my own internet connection for the house now so am able to use the net whenever I want - within reason agreed by me and OH.

Things are still slow going between us, we still have very bad days where OH just completely goes on and on about his mum and her feelings with no regard to me and my feelings.. but thats 37years of programming for you, it takes a long time to undo it.
Monday he started a conversation about his mother, and we were discussing her impending visit when i said something about him not making it out to be me that doesnt want her up all the time but that it should be 'us' that agree when she comes up, and he went off on one saying he hadnt been talking about his mother at all and that i had to stop bringing her up all the time... it took a while but he eventually saw that he he'd brought up his mum (like he always does) and not me... :roll: So like i said its very slow going.

We discussed when would be a good time for them to come up, and we though about inviting them up for mothers day - i did point out though that we would prob end up spending every mothers day with her as I havent got one to spend it with... - but she cant make it up for mothers day, she's in scotland being treated to a week away to help her get over me being nasty and horrible to her... :roll so she's now coming up this weekend.

To be honest Im dreading it. I just dont want to see her - I know she'll try to maul my bump, repeat the same crap she's said every time this row has happened and I'll be left feeling like the ungrateful spoilt one because they just dont see where I'm coming from (MIL's nextdoor neighbour is what MIL thinks is normal - she has her grandson 6 days and nights a week as his mum doesnt seem to want him) they think because they've been allowed free reign of our house for the last 10 years (while OH was single) they can just continue like that without realising that its mine and OH's house now, and not a free for all to visit whenever they please... Again it took me and the councilor explaining to OH that that was they way he allowed it to be - coz as far as he was concerned it wasnt a problem, but he would always be outside doing something in the garden leaving me to entertain the MIL and to put up with her sniveling nicey pie comments about how we raise Ollie and my pregnancy, and how hers was this that and the other and how she (superwoman obviously) managed to do this that and the other..... all at the same time whilst drinking a glass of water being a ventriloquist on a tightrope with one foot tied up behind her head (you get the picture :lol: )

I'm going to have to tell her that I dont trust her and explain to her (coz she wont understand anything that isnt from her point of view) that I cannot trust her because she has proven that she cannot keep her word, and ignores anything I say with regards to my house, my children and my pregnancy. I'll also have to explain that she will have to earn my trust again - I dont see me being able to trust her until she proves with actions that she can back the hell off and let me and my OH have our family, and couple, time.
We've got to tell her as well about the visits after Missy is born - me and OH have discussed it and worked out that I would feel most comfortable with visitors from the thurs only onwards, then none for the first 3 days at home - but have compromised with OH that they can visit on the wed night, but that each person only has one visit in hospital and then one visit at home while we get ourselves sorted out (with no visitors for the first couple of days )- think the different reactions of our respective families brought that home for him - mine have all turned around and said they would give us at least 2 weeks to get settled at home before then ringing to arrange a visit before just turning up; his family have said 'Why cant we visit asap' - this is the aunts uncles and cousins etc, not the grandparents....
another thing I want to be explained to her is that her major overreaction, of me expressing my pissed off feelings because she wont back off, caused more problems than she could ever imagine. It made my OH react instead of think and act, and he said hurtful things that cannot be forgotten - and that his loyalty was obviously to her with his reactions, and that she is no where near the wounded party she claims to be in this situation.

Sorry this is a long rambling post... I'm just nervous about this weekend, and I know Oh wont understand, he'll just expect everything to be ok... :lol:

Ah well, wish me luck! They're arriving around 10am on sunday morning!

xxx

Posts

  • Yes, Good Luck! Your oh is still being stubborn isn't he?! Stick to your guns hun xx
  • i dont think its all stubborness ccbmommy - i honestly dont think he can see how he's been 'programmed' for so long to think and act one way, and now he has to change a bit and mould to a different way of thinking and acting and didnt before see why he should have to....
    the councillor has certainly given him a few insights that have got him thinking about things differently :lol:

    xx
  • aww hun, i sympathise!!! my fil whilst nowhere near as bad as ur mil causes problems within our family unit. He undermines how i discipline my children (he got me so angry about 4 weeks ago...i have not seen him since!!!), he plays dumb, trying to play me off against hubs when he knows exactly what he's doing, and is 2 faced about us to family members, just so he can cause a ruction and be the centre of attention (acting dumb and pretending he didn't say anything when the other party come and tell us what he's said). I am lucky thou, my husband will always show loyalty to me and the kids, but try to keep things calm with his dad at the same time, but like you i dread his visits (it's his bday this w/e so like you will have to put up with a visit!!!!) as it physically and mentally drains me!!! am wishing u all the luck in the world for her impending visit, and i hope things start improving with ur oh really soon!!! xx
  • Good luck for tomorrow!
    I am seeing my ex's parents tomorrow for the first time in 11 months as they have had nothing to do with my LO since she was 4 weeks....fun all round tomorrow image xx
  • Good luck stephe...hope its not too bad. Glad to hear things are starting to improve with you and oh - just hope the counciller can help him see things from your pov more

    You really must have the patience of a saint to put up with all that crap.. I'd have hit the roof if i'd had people mauling my bump when pregnant..especially if i'd already said not to. both mil and my mother tried it once after i'd already said i didn't want people touching and i think the death glare warned them off! lol!

    spedshaw...spoil a 7 month old? wtf! I don't think so!!
  • Ohh good luck for tomorrow. She would get on so well with my MIL!

    Speedshaw my MIL was the same at Lily's christening!

    Anyway, hope all goes well tomorrow. xxxx
  • Good luck mummystephe, hope all goes as well as it can tomorrow for you.

    xxx
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