a bit down about my relationship

Because I NEVER see OH!

We have decided to give it another go. But I think half the problem is we hardly see each other (I know some of you are in a worse situation so I'm sorry for the whinge :\( feel free to rant along with me!)

He works Mon - Fri, leaves for work at 7.30pm and doesn't get back till 5am (this is full time nights, not shifts). This obviously means that he can't sleep with me as Gabe wakes early so we sleep in seperate rooms on the weekdays.

He gets up at about 1pm which is usually when I'm out with Gabe (I go mad staying in), at the park or shopping etc, either that or he goes out to the gym (there's no chance of persuading him to come out with us: I walk everywhere and he hates it!) so then we dont really see each other till 3pm at all, and bear in mind the PIL are always in (work from home) so it is not on our own, and Gabe is not a big daytime napper. Then comes 5pm and the rush to feed Gabe, make my tea, make OH tea, 6pm top n tail Gabe, brush teeth, give bottle etc, 6.30/7pm put Gabe to bed. After that oh goes to have a shower ready for work.

So basically unless the Pil go out (and bil always in too!) we NEVER have time on our own except for weekends after about 10pm when they go to bed!!!!!!

ITS CRAP!!!!!! I'm fed up of him working nights. (He likes his job though so wouldn't ask him to change it, especially in current climate) He always has done but it was never an issue pre-Gabe. We only have sex once a week, which is not enough for either of us. When he had time off over christmas we got on really well but when he's at work we don't seem to. We have a holiday booked for my 21st and I can't wait xx

Posts

  • We do go out (so not sure why Im moaning really) on our own maybe once a fortnight but what we really need is some serious time home alone if ya get me!! LOL

    xx
  • Aw babe, sorry you're a bit fed up. But glad you guys are giving it another go.
    Agree with the other girls and suggest a possible babysitter so you guys could go out. Failing that what about doing something, the 3 of you, together at weekends. Swimming, or maybe take Gabe to park, petting zoo that kind of thing.
    How long till your holiday ? Suz xx
  • Is there any way the two of you could get your own place?
    Holiday sounds like a fab idea & i'm sure it'll do you both the world of good but it also sounds as though you need to get your own space..together?? xx
  • Is there any way the two of you could get your own place?
    Holiday sounds like a fab idea & i'm sure it'll do you both the world of good but it also sounds as though you need to get your own space..together?? xx
    Thing is it's very difficult at the moment. We're all so hard up for money. The pil literally have nothing as fil got made redundant in october and just can't find work, and mil (a childminder) lost 2 of her children. They cant pay the mortgage so Oh is paying it for them. The boiler is broke and we cant even afford to get it fixed so just living by the fire at the moment!! I'm looking for a job too but no luck!! Me and oh could afford (just about) to rent our own place but then the pil would lose their house, and OH doesn't want to rent anyway. We were supposed to be saving up to buy but until my 21st (I got an inheritance off my gran) it won't be happening...and we won't be moving until fil has got a job anyway. Theyve done so much for us so it's only fair....

    I wish we could have our own place :\(

    SB, maybe a good idea if it wasnt soo cold :lol:
  • Hiya,
    I also know how u feel. We're livin with my parents whilst we're savin up to buy a house cos we don't really want to went. And as grateful as i am to them for lettin us live there it really gets to me and its just rubbish not havin ne 'us' time so know how u feel there

    Like u we manage to go out every couple of weeks but its not the same as havin sum home alone time. Could u mayb ask pil and bil out for the eve at the weekend?
    Or as the others have suggested a holiday sounds liek a good idea!
    xxx
  • Hello,
    Nice to hear that you are thinking of giving it another go. Sounds like you btoh want the same thing but your just not in the ideal situation at present for various reasons you mentioned. Has your oh suggested ways to help things work out?

    When is your holiday, at least you will get some quality time together. I expect he misses not seeing gabe too.

    Like lizzy suggested, are you able to speak with pil and bil and ask if they didnt mind going out at the w/e or visiting friends/relatives. Im sure they would be understanding and probably would like some time to themselves too. Well hopefully they will be understanding of your situation especially as you say your oh if preventing them from losing their home.

    xxx
  • Oh no, that sounds like a tricky situation! I find when OH works it feels like we're totally separate, like i'm a single mum. When he has his days off it feels a bit strange as it's like Riley and I are the family unit and it takes a while to adjust to him being around. He works 6 days of strange times with long hours, but he does then get 4 days off.

    It's such a shame you can't get a place of your own, but maybe you could have a chat with PIL about them buggering off out! Lol! I know it'd their house, but your OH is paying their mortgage so they should compromise as as you say, they couldn't keep the house without you. So you all could make the best of the situation.

    When is your 21st? Bet you have a great time. My hubby was looking at hols last night too as he feels guilty for the mess that was my birthday and the mess he made of mother's day. xxx
  • Thanks for all the advice girls - I would feel a bit mean asking them to go out though lol!! I 'encourage' them to go out put it that way - if they're debating whether to go or not I'm like "go on, treat yourselves, you'll have a great time" haha!

    Rebecca - sorry to hear about your birthday & mother's day - what happened?!

    My 21st is on 4th June....I'm not that excited. Just another number now im a mummy lol!
  • ditto ! i got made redundant in sept, 10 wks b4 havin archie, and oh is under a speccialist (seizure/heart problems) so neither of us are workin, we've sold the house cuz we cant afford mortgage an lookin for rented under housin assoc...how shit!!! ive always paid my own way and feel awful claimin benefits but we hav no choice.

    good on you for helping out pil, we all need to stick together in these hard times!!
  • Hiya, know how you feel bout not having your own place, me and my partner and kids live in my mums house as we cant afford our own place atm but the good thing about living with parents is you've got live in babysitters! So would your inlaws maybe babysit while you and oh went out one day on the weekend like cinema or for a meal when lo is in bed? x
  • Didnt see your second post when i answered. See what you mean now lol! Cant really think of what to suggest apart from everyone else going out xx
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