Why do peple feel they need to stereotype....!!!!!!

Hey ladies, sorry just a quick moan
I went to a toddler group for the first time today. All the mums in my village seem to be/look in their 30s whenever i have attend baby groups (nothing wrong with that). So I plucked up the courage to go to a toddler group. Lo appeared to enjoy herself crawling everywhere.
What got to me was this lady came over to me and we started chatting, fine. Then she goes how old are you. So I said guess (quite a few people at these baby groups have said, I look older than 22) , she said you look quite young (dont think she wanted to guess age!). I told her my age and she replied, your doing well as a young mum. I was thinking how dare you say that....not all young mothers are rubbish mothers as people these days seem to stereotype. Just cos she had a child at 19 and obviously didnt think it was a good idea, doesn't mean we are all like her! It hasnt put me off going as the other mums seemed nice,
Grrr....sorry it really annoyed me. Must say Im quite looking forward to the Kent meet up as some of you are nearer my age than most mums are the baby groups I have attended!

Anybody else experienced anything like this? xxx

[Modified by: Joey08 on 21 January 2009 13:05:50 ]

Posts

  • Hi,
    Didn't want to read and run but I am one of the oldies I'm afraid!! Silly woman just didn't think before she opened her mouth but don't let it put you off going next week, especially if your lo had a good time crawling about!
    Enjoy your Kent meet up. Us North East Mum's are meeting next Tuesday-sooo looking forward to it! x
  • I'm sure she didn't mean it nastily, but she was probably thrown by having to guess your age. Why didn't you just answer her?
  • im sure she didnt mean it nastily but it just really annoyed me.
    lougla.....when you say why didnt I answer her, what do mean. As in I should have replied to her comment of doing well as a young mum?
  • No, sorry. I just meant why did you ask her to guess your age, rather than tell her your age when she asked you. That would make me feel uncomfortable in case I offended someone by saying older than they are, etc., especially as you mentioned you had just met.
  • Hi Joey I know exactly what you mean hun. Some people are just lovely tho. Ive got friends who have babies and are at least 10 years older than me, but some people can be very judgemental. I was 19 when I had my first and Im now 23 with 3 so Ive had some negative comments and looks in the past too. Don't take it to heart hun, I gave up on those mum and baby groups along time ago! Even up the preschool I feel completely out of my depth! Looking forward to our Kent meet up, we can have a good rant about it then hun! Was thinking of messaging the girls on fb to try and get an idea of days and places that would be good for everyone x x x
  • I agree with Mum to 1 don't think she thought about that before she opened her mouth, silly woman, can you imagine if you'de asked her the same question and then said 'you're doing well for an older mum aren't you?'

    Sounds like she might not have meant it in a nasty way though, cause I suppose she came over to chat to you probably to make you not feel welcome, some people just aren't very good at choosing the best way to do it, probably a back handed compliment.

  • I mean probably to make you feel welcome (i put not welcome Duh sorry)
  • I definately feel uncomfortable when I go to new groups, for 2 reasons. firstly im not that confident and I find meeting new people difficult, took me long enough to star posting on here. Some people see my quiet nature as being snobby or ignorant but its not. Secondly I feel uncomfortable being on older mommy. People can be just as judgemental to older moms as younger ones, its just not spoken about as much. Luckily I dont look my age and dont tell people unless they ask. Out of the group of 5 mommies Im part of at my local surestart centre there is only 1 that is a year older than me, rest are early to mid 20s. We all get on well though.
  • To be honest I'd take it as a compliment if someone said I was doing well !
    I've had children at both ends of the age spectrum and I have to admit I found it easier when i was younger. If I met a 'young Mum' who had less life experience & perhaps less financial security (and because I take my hat off to anyone who seems to be copeing better than me) I would have probably said something like that trying to be nice.
  • hay hun i got a comment like this whne i went to my baby group some of the older mums didnt think it was a good idea for my age too have a baby its really did wind me up but there was plenty of younge mums like myself there so it hasnt stopped me going i cant wait for the kent meet up either quite excited image
  • As some of you know I am at the other end of the scale at nearly 40!!!

    Personally, I dont think its age that makes someone a good mother! Its the love and care you provide - NOTHING to do with age. I was 23 with my 1st and no experience but I was no different then to the way I am now. All babies are different no matter what age the mother, I still come on here for advice, I just wish this was around 16 years ago.

    I would point out - my fitness was the same then as now so even that doesnt make a difference, at both ends of the scale I feel I am a capable mother.

    I would say though that I find mother and baby groups difficult too, but that could just be my lack of confidence as a person - not as a mother!!!

    But like you say - NO-ONE should be judged by their age.
  • i have to agree with Tommysmum- i dont think the age you have your babies matters at all - dont write women off for fitness just cos they are older, but also dont assume "younger" mums are young and foolish!!

    women should have children at an age that suits them, not a calender!

    i'm sure we all know women across the age spectrum that wish they'd been older / younger, or those who were fantastic / scary mums! i've certainly met them!

    i saw a 47yr old woman having her first - that wouldnt suit me, and if honest, i dont think it would have been her choice, but she had had 3 miscarriages, investigations etc and wanted a baby! by the same token, it wouldnt have been right for me to have them as a teenager, but it doesnt mean that age is wrong either!

    joey08 - dont ever let anyones attitude upset you! it is no-one's business how old you are / look etc.
  • I was 19 when i had my first and thankfully never had any of these problem from any of the mums at the groups i went to, but i got it a lot from random strangers in the street and it f*cking p*ssed me of
  • Hiya. I have hed similar comments in the past. I was 17 when I had Lauren, and looked much younger. A "friend" of my mums made comment about me having a baby not a Barbie!!!

    As lauren grew older I got comments about not being a "typical" young mum, and people saying well done for having "done well" which I know were meant nicely but I did used to feel quite offended, I would have preferred that there were no comments about my age at all. I also thought it was stupid to think that a 5 min glimse into my life really showed what I was like as a mum, I might have been terrible at home especially when I went to parenting classes (they were great!!) and realised that age means nothing. I was 17 but so much more mature than some of the mums there, more intelligent and less selfish.

    I'm 29 now and still get comments about being young when I say I have a baby, I must admit I quite like the reaction I get when I then say I have a 12 year old!

    She probably didnt mean to offend, quite often people just dont know what to say and then blabber on but mean it well. You will likely get more comments over the years.

    xxxx
  • Thanks for your replies.
    I guess your right, she probably didnt mean it in a nasty way and it was just the way it came out. Your probs right too, in that she may ahve been reflecting and relating to what she was like as a young mum to how I was coping.
    Your always right ladies!

    I've just thought whilst typing this post, the comment she made was based on me sitting there with my daughter on my lap. So Im guessing it was based on our appearance in that I like to think we didnt look a mess (although my hair did need a wash!).As its the first time somebody has made such a comment I guess one could say I was a bit put out which was what annoyed me. I didnt really think about what she was basing her comment on...duh now I feel a bit stupid cos it wasnt even my parenting skills, I was just sitting there!

    Dont worry ladies it wont put me off going as her lo is too old and she justs comes back as she knows some of the mums. xxx
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