I felt judged a lot because I bottled fed. I stopped BF at 3-weeks old as Toby just wasn't getting enough milk from me. We only found out about 6 months later that it was because I was ill with gall-stones and my ill-health was stopping my milk supply. I am keeping things crossed that now that is sorted (had an operation to remove the stones and gall-bladder) I might be able to successfully BF my next babbas!
My SIL is currently BF - her son goes nuts whenever she gives him a bottle so she has no choice (I think she would have quit a long time ago if baby had taken well to the bottle). Mind you, he's getting better at the bottle now and he has 1 formula feed per day. I keep encouraging her etc. to keep up with it. Because she's got no issues with milk supply, he's latching on OK - so its going well and I feel she's lucky to be in that position. I wanted to be, but wasn't (well T latched fine, it was just milk supply). But she's not into BF in public so is really limited at going out etc. which is sad.
Out of our NCT group (7 Mum's) by the time the babies were 6 months, only 1 was still exclusively BF, a few others had BFs and FFs. Toby and 1 other baby were the only 2 exclusively FF. A year on... all babies are on formula / cows milk and the baby that is BF, still has 2 BFs per day and then any other milk she drinks from a cup. She's never had a bottle - totally refused it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girls in my group somewhat judged me for giving Toby formula - but really - how could they when not long after, their babies all had had formula one way or another. One girl even said "I would NEVER give XXX formula" then literally a few weeks later was eating her own words.
I admit to silently think if you CAN BF, why won't you? But that is because I am coming from a situation where I WANTED to BF but COULDN'T.
Whenever I see a bottle fed baby in public, I try really hard to smile and talk about it (if its the right situation) as I used to sit there, in public, feeding Toby his bottles and HATED what people may or may not have been thinking about me because I was bottle feeding him. I am determined to never ever make anyone feel the same as me!!!
If someone can't BF for medical/psychological reasons, I have no beef with that. It's what formula is for. But when women just genuinely can't be bothered, or have some crappy excuse like not wanting saggy boobs (good luck with that, it's pregnancy not BF that buggers your boobs up!) or comes out with some childish bullcrap like "urgh, but it's just icky and weird" or "my boobs are for my husband", then yes, I do judge them in my head. I don't think those are valid reasons for denyiong your child a shot at the best nutrition on offer.
I'm not anti formula - both my children have had formula as I've had problems BF them both, though DS is being gradually wenaed off it and I hope to EBF soon. Neither do I judge people who struggle with BF and choose to switch to FF - BF can be bloody hard work and sometimes it doesn't work out, I just have every respect for every woman that gives it a shot, you know? I see those situations as what formula is for - backup when BF can't happen or doesn't go to plan. I hate that anyone would see it as the preferable option, and I swear to God, the next person who tries to justify their choices by rubbishing BF or making spurious claims about FF and it's alleged superiority based on shaky personal anecdotes, I may explode all over them, it drives me batty.
I know its a sweeping statment GG but most the midwifes I met were Sh*te! One woman litterally (and I had 2 witness's to this) came grabbed my boob in one hand my tiny babys skull in the other and bounced the 2 off each other and left without saying a word!!! Hardly helpful when trying to learn how to feed!
sounds familiar, i was also taught to hand express in hospital or so i thought until my communinty midwife taught me to do it properly! theres acctaully a valve to sqeeze! also the way i was taught to feed in hospital wasnt right, it was basically grab the boob (hard) and shove it in his tiny mouth, it hurt me and my babies chin hurt from the pushing and grabbing. who knows if i was taught properly i might have had enough!
I swear to God, the next person who tries to justify their choices by rubbishing BF or making spurious claims about FF and it's alleged superiority based on shaky personal anecdotes, I may explode all over them, it drives me batty.
exactly the point I was trying to make - but you put it so much better!
I could never find it in myself to judge anyone over their choice of how they fed their baby. As long as the baby was being fed, I have to add!
I so desparately wanted to breastfeed and went to groups and classess before Abi was born. However it all got taken out of my hands when she was delivered just over 5 weeks early due to me having pre-eclampsia and Hellp syndrome. I was on medication for my bp while reduced my flow, i wasnt given access to a breastpump or any help till i was transferred to the hospital nearer home at day 5 post delivery and Abi was so tiny and weak she couldnt latch on and i needed to keep records of how much milk she was taking. She was tube fed for her first 10 days then i tried her on bottles as i was desparate to know she could feed and all i wanted was to get my baby home.
Ive had a few looks and comments about my choice which has only deepened the guilt i feel about not breastfeeding and not being able to express even half feeds.
i wasnt given access to a breastpump or any help till i was transferred to the hospital nearer home at day 5 post delivery and Abi was so tiny and weak she couldnt latch on and i needed to keep records of how much milk she was taking. She was tube fed for her first 10 days then i tried her on bottles as i was desparate to know she could feed and all i wanted was to get my baby home.
Ive had a few looks and comments about my choice which has only deepened the guilt i feel about not breastfeeding and not being able to express even half feeds.
Re not being given access to a pump, I had to ask about 9 times and finally got given one when i dragged my weak 3 day post surgery body to the recepetion desk pointed and my leaky boob patchs and TOLD them to get me a pump! One of the midwifes (inbetween bites of her sandwhich) informed me that it would be a while as they would have to setrilise one- no shit sherlock! ?
Next time i'm bringin my own just incase (it goes witout saying it will be different hospital) infact the next 'what to pack in your hospital bag' post I see i will advise everyone to bring one just incase!
i don't judge anyone who simply doesn't want to or can't, ur choice, howver it does get my goat when peopel make up really lame excuses, why make up an excuse, jsut be honest. excuses like 'well i might do, but i don't know what sort of birth i'm having yet', a friend of mine who didn't knwo at that point if she was having a vbac or a planned section, makes no difference, i had an em c section and bf ds, so why not just say i don't want to, i respect that a lot more than trying to come up with soem really poor reason, or 'thats not what they (boobs) are for), it is precisely what they're for.
having mixfed, its not just bf mums that judge ff, it works the other way too, and i've beenn on bith sides of the fence, i ahd people judging me for ff and not exclusively bf, and then otehrs saying it was icky for me to bf my 5month old son in my own home, because at 5 montsh wasn't he too old for it??! wtF? who cares whether ur bf or ff, baby is being fed, surely thats what counts? i just can't stand it when peopel try to 'justify' it (when it doesn't need justifying) with untruths like cows milk intolerant, many women have stopped bf for that, btu all u need to do is cut it out of ur diet, so its nto a reason to stop (i know this as ds is cows milk intolerant), the reason to stop is that u don't want to any more, which isn't a bad thing, i did kinda loathe the fact that i ahdto ghive up my beloved cheddar (soya cheeze is just rank!). i don't knwo if any of taht makes sense, what ui'm trying to say is if u don't want to bf, don't, even if u have no other reason than u don't want to, jsut can't stand when peopel come up with random reasons that don't actually enter the equation at all, iyswim?
oh and on the helpful midwives not, lmao, must've been the same woman here too, she came in wapped ds on my boob and then continued to hold my boob in place for the enxt ten minutes! yeh helpful, waht was she gonna come to ????my hosue and do that with every feed???
From my own personal experience, I find age can be a major factor in breastfeeding versus not breastfeeding.
I was 15 when I got pregnant with my first daughter, 16 when I had her. This was 16 years ago now and at that time nothing was mentioned to me about BF. I felt then that bottle was the way to go. I did not know any of the benefits of BF.It never even entered my head to BF andto be honest if I had thought of it or been encouraged to at that age I would not have done it or even tried.
I went on to have my second daughter at 19 years old and again she was FF. Though this time I did take an interest in BF but it only kicked in after a few weeks so I presumed it was too late to start.
I then went on to have my little boy at 31 years old. He is now 7 weeks and this time he is BF exclusively. I would not enertain the thought of a bottle with him now. I found the experience of BF so amazing and so pleased I gave it a try. The bond we have is amazing. I know you get a bond with FF but for me personally the bond I have with Kieran is stronger than I had with the girls. Of course this could also come down to the age.
So to answer your question I DO NOT judge people either way as I have experienced both sides, BUT if someone were to ask my opinion I would always says breast is best for so many reasons xx
[Modified by: Mummy2aBlueBean on June 28, 2010 01:17 PM]
I will be completely honest, seeing as you've asked. I don't understand women who are able to breastfeed but don't even try. Just doing it for one day, which is such a short amount of time in your life, yet so important for your baby, doesn't seem like too much effort to me. However, women have their reasons which may be entirely valid and it is completely up to them. I don't think it makes them a bad mother, of course not, and I am sure there are lots of things I do or don't do that they wouldn't agree with. So, no, I don't judge but I can't pretend to understand.
I breastfed my son for 9 months and it almost annoys me when people say, oh well done, that's amazing etc. It's NOT amazing, it's just normal! Its strange to me that doing the natural, normal thing is seen as something special, and I think that's why people who don't breastfeed end up feeling judged and defensive.
Coco-I have to pipe up here and disagree with you slightly! I think it is amazing that someone can stick to breastfeeding for nine months, but then I struggled with it and didn't always find it easy, so I find people who can do it exclusively for so long amazing, I really do take my hat off to you! I know it's the most natural thing in the world, but a lot of mothers fiind it doesn't come naturally all the time and so sticking with it is something to be proud of.
Back to the OP, I wouldn't ever say it makes someone a bad mother to choose not to breastfeed but, like many of the others, I find it incomprehensible that you'd not want to try. Your body is made for that as much as it's made for having a baby, so I can't understand why you'd not want to at least try to offer the breast. Having said that, if there are reasons that it doesn't work out then I'm not one to judge-formula is by no means a poor substitute, I just wonder why you'd not try if you had the chance.
When Haiden was born my decision was to mix feed as I wanted her to get the nutrients from my milk but also I wanted help too!
Anyway, it didn't work out like that, and she just COULD NOT latch, however much we tried (and God we tried). I ended up giving her a bottle in the hospital after she got some colostrum from a syringe (I hope she got some of it!) and I didn't feel judged by the MWs. Saying that I didn't feel helped either particularly
I kept trying after going home, and then spoke to a MW who is a family friend, who sat with me for ages trying to help, but still, the only way she could latch was with a nipple shield. I expressed and fed her with the shield for a few days, but it was never ending and incredibly, incredibly messy. I would never have been able to feed her like that out of the house.
In the end I was in tears, and H2B said to me, you can stop. You have tried. And God I felt bad for stopping but I felt that at least she got some, you know?
In terms of people judging me, then no I didn't have that, but in my own head I felt that I was being judged by "breast is best". I understand it is best but it made me feel incredibly guilty, and still does
Next time then I will definitely try again and fingers crossed I will have a totally different experience. But knowing me, I will feel guilty for being able to feed that one but not Haiden! x
No I don't judge people for not wanting to BF, I think it's a personal choice and believe that people can make their own decisions.
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
I have to admit I used to judge. now 2 short weeks later I do not. midwives did the same grab and pull to lo instead of teaching ME how to latch him, which made him distressed. My nipples are agony, I've had mastitis twice - it's not easy and you need a lot of support, perseverance and determination to get through it!! (although a little bit of me still judges...)
No I don't judge people for not wanting to BF, I think it's a personal choice and believe that people can make their own decisions.
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
sorry to be a bit defensive but how can u judge people who have tried and failed?! surely its ok to try and it not work out than to not try at all (i actually dont judge at all its up to every individual if they b/f or f/f ) i think its wrong to judge some one who has tried and failed ...i b/f my ds for 1 month and after that i gave up ..or is it failed?! i did it cos he was feeding every 40 minutes and every time someone visited or we went somewhere i ended sitting on my own feeding the whole time ,i got no break ,no sleep nothing so i made that desicion and do u know he is a happy,healthy 4 year old ....i b/f my dd for 1 week ...yes one week and then i "failed" because i was struggling emotionally with b/f while my 2.5 yr old son was demanding my sole attention due to a new baby but do u know what my daughter is a happy,healthy 17 month old and im pretty damn sure that my failiure to breast feed for a whole year hasnt had a huge impedement on my beautiful childrens health!!
nuff said
dont judge anyone were all mums at the end of the day looking out for whats best for our children and ourselves xxxx
No I don't judge people for not wanting to BF, I think it's a personal choice and believe that people can make their own decisions.
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
Sorry I know you don't mean to offend but this has upset me! I didn't have enough milk. And so we switched to bottle feeding. But to expand on my personal circumstances and to hopefully make you not judge me... we saw a tonne of Dr's, BF counsellors, BF expert midwives, NCT people, La Leche people and they all agreed Toby wasn't getting enough milk. My body wasn't producing enough milk for him. They had NO idea why. I tried expressing - nothing. I didn't even have any pain when I stopped BF because there was no milk in my boobs to cause any engorgement etc...
6 months later I fell ill with problems due to gall-stones and my gall-bladder. Had an operation to remove them all and I'm fine now. After a random conversation with a friend who is in the medical profession, she said my ill-health was the reason my body wasn't producing milk. Of course when I had just had Toby - I had no idea I had the gall-stones so the Dr's couldn't put 2 and 2 together. After this conversation I went back to my Dr and Midwife and they all agreed this was the reason my body didn't producing enough milk. They have come across this before in some women. (gall stones often appear post pregnancy).
So how you can sit there and say "I wasn't producing enough milk" is a crap reason for "failing" at BF is beyond me. I have read some rubbish on this website but this is the only thing I have ever read that had made me feel like shit and want to have a fucking moan about.
How can you judge people for "failing" at something they (might) have tried very hard to do and "failed" for maybe a medical reason such as mine... what about babies who CAN'T latch on due to tongue tie - you know what tongue tie is don't you? What about the Mummies who have gone to their Dr's and Midwives to tell them they can't BF and they have not diagnosed tongue tie. By then sometimes it has been too late and the baby will not take breast feeds anymore.
How can you NOT judge people who won't even try and BF because they don't like their boobs being touched or because they "are for their hubby". (and I am not judging this myself, using it to make my point!!!)
Can I ask those who judge women who don't ff for medical reasons how you know there aren't any medical reasons? The only reason I ask is I bf Dylan for 5 days he got colostrum and all the goodness that comes with it. They then put me on medication that prevented me from bf him, plus he wasn't getting enough milk from me anyway. I then switched to ff, he thrived but to look at me feeding him in public you would never know the reasons why I was ff, (and if you asked I probably wouldn't have told you!)
I don't judge how someone chooses to feed their child I was adament I wanted to bf I was gutted when I couldn't continue to feed him, there really is nothing better to know that after 9 months of looking after your baby you are now continueing that by providing them with nutrition from your own body. But I don't know someone elses circumstances and so cant really judge.
I just wanted to say Joo- HUGE jugs to you! Joo is a real-life friend of mine and I know how she struggled with feeding her lo. I remember her txting me at all times (knowing I would prob be up feeding my own lo) to try and get some help and get her lo to BF. I remember when he lost weight and how devestated she was by this. But I had NO idea how she felt bottlefeeding in public. Especially as she used to meet me and other BF mummies regularly.
So this goes to show that even when you know somebody and THINK you know all their circumstances you don't!
I do feel Joo and other Mummies who have tried their hardest deserve an apology for that comment.
I must admit i do judge some women who have not even attempted to bf (those who are perfectly healthy and have no medical reasons to not bf) and find it perverse or 'not natural' :roll: It is one of the most natural thing in the world but despite being natural it can be extremely emotional and hard work! I have now been ebf for 4.5 months and i have gone through the hardest few months of my adult life emotionally. I have been exhausted and felt like a zombie, but my daughter is thriving and is a happy healthy baby, so for me that is plenty incentive for me to continue, i don't give a toss how i am feeling. A little bit more sleep would be nice but i have a young baby - who am i kidding!
I believe i have got here by the amazing support from the mw's and hv's in my area and the wonderful volunteers at my local hospital. When my dd was born i had been through the mill a bit, so one of the bf support workers (a volunteer) got me to express some colostrum and she fed my baby with a syringe while i got some much needed sleep. This was at about 2am! When i got home i got alot of support and the mw and hv always watched me for a little while to make sure the latch etc was fine. I also go to a bf group which is run by these hv, the advice and support i have had from these ladies at the group has been invaluable. Before i even had my dd, i was invited to a workshop about bf which showed me a dvd about how to latch baby on and what to expect. It was amazing and really empowered me to try my best.
Sorry that was a bit o/t there! But i do think that alot more money needs to be ploughed into the support that new mums get in hospital. All it would take is for a bf support worker to be allocated to a new mum and for them to spend the time with them. It could make all the difference.
I don't judge the ladies who have tried their best to bf but have been unable to due to medical reasons or because their milk supply has been low. Every mum tries to do their best by their baby, so who are we to judge - no mum is going to do something they don't believe in or believe it is not right for their baby.
Replies
My SIL is currently BF - her son goes nuts whenever she gives him a bottle so she has no choice (I think she would have quit a long time ago if baby had taken well to the bottle). Mind you, he's getting better at the bottle now and he has 1 formula feed per day. I keep encouraging her etc. to keep up with it. Because she's got no issues with milk supply, he's latching on OK - so its going well and I feel she's lucky to be in that position. I wanted to be, but wasn't (well T latched fine, it was just milk supply). But she's not into BF in public so is really limited at going out etc. which is sad.
Out of our NCT group (7 Mum's) by the time the babies were 6 months, only 1 was still exclusively BF, a few others had BFs and FFs. Toby and 1 other baby were the only 2 exclusively FF. A year on... all babies are on formula / cows milk and the baby that is BF, still has 2 BFs per day and then any other milk she drinks from a cup. She's never had a bottle - totally refused it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girls in my group somewhat judged me for giving Toby formula - but really - how could they when not long after, their babies all had had formula one way or another. One girl even said "I would NEVER give XXX formula" then literally a few weeks later was eating her own words.
I admit to silently think if you CAN BF, why won't you? But that is because I am coming from a situation where I WANTED to BF but COULDN'T.
Whenever I see a bottle fed baby in public, I try really hard to smile and talk about it (if its the right situation) as I used to sit there, in public, feeding Toby his bottles and HATED what people may or may not have been thinking about me because I was bottle feeding him. I am determined to never ever make anyone feel the same as me!!!
xxx
I'm not anti formula - both my children have had formula as I've had problems BF them both, though DS is being gradually wenaed off it and I hope to EBF soon. Neither do I judge people who struggle with BF and choose to switch to FF - BF can be bloody hard work and sometimes it doesn't work out, I just have every respect for every woman that gives it a shot, you know? I see those situations as what formula is for - backup when BF can't happen or doesn't go to plan. I hate that anyone would see it as the preferable option, and I swear to God, the next person who tries to justify their choices by rubbishing BF or making spurious claims about FF and it's alleged superiority based on shaky personal anecdotes, I may explode all over them, it drives me batty.
I know its a sweeping statment GG but most the midwifes I met were Sh*te! One woman litterally (and I had 2 witness's to this) came grabbed my boob in one hand my tiny babys skull in the other and bounced the 2 off each other and left without saying a word!!! Hardly helpful when trying to learn how to feed!
sounds familiar, i was also taught to hand express in hospital or so i thought until my communinty midwife taught me to do it properly! theres acctaully a valve to sqeeze! also the way i was taught to feed in hospital wasnt right, it was basically grab the boob (hard) and shove it in his tiny mouth, it hurt me and my babies chin hurt from the pushing and grabbing. who knows if i was taught properly i might have had enough!
sorry a bit off topic!
I so desparately wanted to breastfeed and went to groups and classess before Abi was born. However it all got taken out of my hands when she was delivered just over 5 weeks early due to me having pre-eclampsia and Hellp syndrome. I was on medication for my bp while reduced my flow, i wasnt given access to a breastpump or any help till i was transferred to the hospital nearer home at day 5 post delivery and Abi was so tiny and weak she couldnt latch on and i needed to keep records of how much milk she was taking. She was tube fed for her first 10 days then i tried her on bottles as i was desparate to know she could feed and all i wanted was to get my baby home.
Ive had a few looks and comments about my choice which has only deepened the guilt i feel about not breastfeeding and not being able to express even half feeds.
Ive had a few looks and comments about my choice which has only deepened the guilt i feel about not breastfeeding and not being able to express even half feeds.
Re not being given access to a pump, I had to ask about 9 times and finally got given one when i dragged my weak 3 day post surgery body to the recepetion desk pointed and my leaky boob patchs and TOLD them to get me a pump! One of the midwifes (inbetween bites of her sandwhich) informed me that it would be a while as they would have to setrilise one- no shit sherlock!
Next time i'm bringin my own just incase (it goes witout saying it will be different hospital) infact the next 'what to pack in your hospital bag' post I see i will advise everyone to bring one just incase!
i don't judge anyone who simply doesn't want to or can't, ur choice, howver it does get my goat when peopel make up really lame excuses, why make up an excuse, jsut be honest. excuses like 'well i might do, but i don't know what sort of birth i'm having yet', a friend of mine who didn't knwo at that point if she was having a vbac or a planned section, makes no difference, i had an em c section and bf ds, so why not just say i don't want to, i respect that a lot more than trying to come up with soem really poor reason, or 'thats not what they (boobs) are for), it is precisely what they're for.
having mixfed, its not just bf mums that judge ff, it works the other way too, and i've beenn on bith sides of the fence, i ahd people judging me for ff and not exclusively bf, and then otehrs saying it was icky for me to bf my 5month old son in my own home, because at 5 montsh wasn't he too old for it??! wtF? who cares whether ur bf or ff, baby is being fed, surely thats what counts? i just can't stand it when peopel try to 'justify' it (when it doesn't need justifying) with untruths like cows milk intolerant, many women have stopped bf for that, btu all u need to do is cut it out of ur diet, so its nto a reason to stop (i know this as ds is cows milk intolerant), the reason to stop is that u don't want to any more, which isn't a bad thing, i did kinda loathe the fact that i ahdto ghive up my beloved cheddar (soya cheeze is just rank!). i don't knwo if any of taht makes sense, what ui'm trying to say is if u don't want to bf, don't, even if u have no other reason than u don't want to, jsut can't stand when peopel come up with random reasons that don't actually enter the equation at all, iyswim?
oh and on the helpful midwives not, lmao, must've been the same woman here too, she came in wapped ds on my boob and then continued to hold my boob in place for the enxt ten minutes! yeh helpful, waht was she gonna come to ????my hosue and do that with every feed???
I was 15 when I got pregnant with my first daughter, 16 when I had her.
This was 16 years ago now and at that time nothing was mentioned to me about BF.
I felt then that bottle was the way to go. I did not know any of the benefits of BF.It never even entered my head to BF andto be honest if I had thought of it or been encouraged to at that age I would not have done it or even tried.
I went on to have my second daughter at 19 years old and again she was FF. Though this time I did take an interest in BF but it only kicked in after a few weeks so I presumed it was too late to start.
I then went on to have my little boy at 31 years old.
He is now 7 weeks and this time he is BF exclusively.
I would not enertain the thought of a bottle with him now.
I found the experience of BF so amazing and so pleased I gave it a try.
The bond we have is amazing. I know you get a bond with FF but for me personally the bond I have with Kieran is stronger than I had with the girls. Of course this could also come down to the age.
So to answer your question I DO NOT judge people either way as I have experienced both sides, BUT if someone were to ask my opinion I would always says breast is best for so many reasons xx
[Modified by: Mummy2aBlueBean on June 28, 2010 01:17 PM]
I breastfed my son for 9 months and it almost annoys me when people say, oh well done, that's amazing etc. It's NOT amazing, it's just normal! Its strange to me that doing the natural, normal thing is seen as something special, and I think that's why people who don't breastfeed end up feeling judged and defensive.
Coco-I have to pipe up here and disagree with you slightly! I think it is amazing that someone can stick to breastfeeding for nine months, but then I struggled with it and didn't always find it easy, so I find people who can do it exclusively for so long amazing, I really do take my hat off to you! I know it's the most natural thing in the world, but a lot of mothers fiind it doesn't come naturally all the time and so sticking with it is something to be proud of.
Back to the OP, I wouldn't ever say it makes someone a bad mother to choose not to breastfeed but, like many of the others, I find it incomprehensible that you'd not want to try. Your body is made for that as much as it's made for having a baby, so I can't understand why you'd not want to at least try to offer the breast. Having said that, if there are reasons that it doesn't work out then I'm not one to judge-formula is by no means a poor substitute, I just wonder why you'd not try if you had the chance.
Anyway, it didn't work out like that, and she just COULD NOT latch, however much we tried (and God we tried). I ended up giving her a bottle in the hospital after she got some colostrum from a syringe (I hope she got some of it!) and I didn't feel judged by the MWs. Saying that I didn't feel helped either particularly
I kept trying after going home, and then spoke to a MW who is a family friend, who sat with me for ages trying to help, but still, the only way she could latch was with a nipple shield. I expressed and fed her with the shield for a few days, but it was never ending and incredibly, incredibly messy. I would never have been able to feed her like that out of the house.
In the end I was in tears, and H2B said to me, you can stop. You have tried. And God I felt bad for stopping but I felt that at least she got some, you know?
In terms of people judging me, then no I didn't have that, but in my own head I felt that I was being judged by "breast is best". I understand it is best but it made me feel incredibly guilty, and still does
Next time then I will definitely try again and fingers crossed I will have a totally different experience. But knowing me, I will feel guilty for being able to feed that one but not Haiden! x
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
sorry to be a bit defensive but how can u judge people who have tried and failed?! surely its ok to try and it not work out than to not try at all (i actually dont judge at all its up to every individual if they b/f or f/f ) i think its wrong to judge some one who has tried and failed ...i b/f my ds for 1 month and after that i gave up ..or is it failed?! i did it cos he was feeding every 40 minutes and every time someone visited or we went somewhere i ended sitting on my own feeding the whole time ,i got no break ,no sleep nothing so i made that desicion and do u know he is a happy,healthy 4 year old ....i b/f my dd for 1 week ...yes one week and then i "failed" because i was struggling emotionally with b/f while my 2.5 yr old son was demanding my sole attention due to a new baby but do u know what my daughter is a happy,healthy 17 month old and im pretty damn sure that my failiure to breast feed for a whole year hasnt had a huge impedement on my beautiful childrens health!!
nuff said
dont judge anyone were all mums at the end of the day looking out for whats best for our children and ourselves xxxx
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
Sorry I know you don't mean to offend but this has upset me! I didn't have enough milk. And so we switched to bottle feeding. But to expand on my personal circumstances and to hopefully make you not judge me... we saw a tonne of Dr's, BF counsellors, BF expert midwives, NCT people, La Leche people and they all agreed Toby wasn't getting enough milk. My body wasn't producing enough milk for him. They had NO idea why. I tried expressing - nothing. I didn't even have any pain when I stopped BF because there was no milk in my boobs to cause any engorgement etc...
6 months later I fell ill with problems due to gall-stones and my gall-bladder. Had an operation to remove them all and I'm fine now. After a random conversation with a friend who is in the medical profession, she said my ill-health was the reason my body wasn't producing milk. Of course when I had just had Toby - I had no idea I had the gall-stones so the Dr's couldn't put 2 and 2 together. After this conversation I went back to my Dr and Midwife and they all agreed this was the reason my body didn't producing enough milk. They have come across this before in some women. (gall stones often appear post pregnancy).
So how you can sit there and say "I wasn't producing enough milk" is a crap reason for "failing" at BF is beyond me. I have read some rubbish on this website but this is the only thing I have ever read that had made me feel like shit and want to have a fucking moan about.
How can you judge people for "failing" at something they (might) have tried very hard to do and "failed" for maybe a medical reason such as mine... what about babies who CAN'T latch on due to tongue tie - you know what tongue tie is don't you? What about the Mummies who have gone to their Dr's and Midwives to tell them they can't BF and they have not diagnosed tongue tie. By then sometimes it has been too late and the baby will not take breast feeds anymore.
How can you NOT judge people who won't even try and BF because they don't like their boobs being touched or because they "are for their hubby". (and I am not judging this myself, using it to make my point!!!)
OMG are you for real????????
I don't judge how someone chooses to feed their child I was adament I wanted to bf I was gutted when I couldn't continue to feed him, there really is nothing better to know that after 9 months of looking after your baby you are now continueing that by providing them with nutrition from your own body. But I don't know someone elses circumstances and so cant really judge.
xxx
I just wanted to say Joo- HUGE jugs to you! Joo is a real-life friend of mine and I know how she struggled with feeding her lo. I remember her txting me at all times (knowing I would prob be up feeding my own lo) to try and get some help and get her lo to BF. I remember when he lost weight and how devestated she was by this. But I had NO idea how she felt bottlefeeding in public. Especially as she used to meet me and other BF mummies regularly.
So this goes to show that even when you know somebody and THINK you know all their circumstances you don't!
I do feel Joo and other Mummies who have tried their hardest deserve an apology for that comment.
I believe i have got here by the amazing support from the mw's and hv's in my area and the wonderful volunteers at my local hospital. When my dd was born i had been through the mill a bit, so one of the bf support workers (a volunteer) got me to express some colostrum and she fed my baby with a syringe while i got some much needed sleep. This was at about 2am! When i got home i got alot of support and the mw and hv always watched me for a little while to make sure the latch etc was fine. I also go to a bf group which is run by these hv, the advice and support i have had from these ladies at the group has been invaluable. Before i even had my dd, i was invited to a workshop about bf which showed me a dvd about how to latch baby on and what to expect. It was amazing and really empowered me to try my best.
Sorry that was a bit o/t there! But i do think that alot more money needs to be ploughed into the support that new mums get in hospital. All it would take is for a bf support worker to be allocated to a new mum and for them to spend the time with them. It could make all the difference.
I don't judge the ladies who have tried their best to bf but have been unable to due to medical reasons or because their milk supply has been low. Every mum tries to do their best by their baby, so who are we to judge - no mum is going to do something they don't believe in or believe it is not right for their baby.
Lx