I don't judge mums who don't breastfeed but I feel I am judged for choosing to breastfeed my baby and continuing to do so (he is 8 months now). We had a rough start (undiagnosed tongue tie until 6 weeks), mastitis, no supporting family nearby (all my family live in a different country and some of oh's family clearly didn't approve of my decision) but I am proud of my perseverance.
I have had countless people say to me (including people I don't even know), if you want him to sleep better give him formula/is he getting enough/should he be feeding so often/are you going to breastfeed for much longer.
A friend of mine was heavily pregnant and I asked her if she was planning to breastfeed as I had an unopened tube of Lansinoh (explained this to her and how it was a lifesaver to me) and she said to me "Oh no, why would I want a baby LETCHING and HANGING off my boob?". Needless to say, I haven't had much contact with her since her baby has been born.
I think breastfeeding should be promoted more and there should be a lot more support for mum's who choose to breastfeed.
I don't judge, everybody should be free to make their own choices.
I fully intended to bf but after a quite traumatic birth my son could just not latch on. I had midwives just pulling on my nipples and trying to put them in my son's mouth while he was screaming. I even spent 3 days in hospital with a feeding support lady doing the same to me.
In the end I had to give him formula along with expressed milk, I did this for a while but my supply obviously suffered.
What I do wish is that I had better support from midwives etc as all as they did was try to force my boobs into his mouth. They offered no real advice on helping with latching and just told me some babies couldn't do it.
Looking back I wish I'd demanded to see a bf counsellor or something but being a new, overwhelmed Mum I just didn't.
I have been so upset at times that I haven't done it but at least I did express for a few weeks so he did get some.
I still get upset with myself now when people ask if I bf or ff but my son is healthy and that's all that matters
Kimmy - I've taken some comments to heart too. I'm super sensitive about not being able to BF Tobes, especially as he's now constantly ill and I just *know* some people around me are thinking "well it's 'cos you didn't BF him". Just wanted to say try and ignore it and just know you're doing what cloclo said a bit further up - feeding, loving & caring for your LO regardless of whether its feeding them boob or bottle. Yeah Tobes IS poorly a lot - but he's also one of the happiest babies ever born ever! Big hugs for you.
joo dont beat yourself up im 99% sure that the fact you didnt breastfeed toby for 6 whole months has nothing to do with him being poorly some children are just poorly babies unfortunatly and this can be from a few contributing things ....has toby being poorly coincided with starting at a new nursery or somewhere he has had to build immunity up ? its more than often the case when they begin nursery for the first year they are sicky children ,my ds was and now at 4 years old he has a fab immunity please dont take breast feeding comments to heart ....easier said than done i know (my doctor just recently said to me "did u breast feed her" about sophia having 2 excema spots on her legs ...when i said not for long she tutted at me ....sometimes even medical proffesionals areout there to make new mums feel bad! ) xxx
With regards to the comment that only a very low percentage of women (she quoted 3%) medically cannot breasfeed I would just like to say.....
I am on tablets for a bowel disease, I have to take 8 a day, when I was pregnant I had to reduce my dose to 4 to minimise the amount being passed to my baby. There are no studies into the long term effect that this drug has on babies being passed through the breast milk and I was told it was my decision whether I want to breastfeed or not. So although "medically" I could have, I was not prepared to risk that in a few years time it might become apparent that this drug has harmful effects on babies and suffer the consequences.
I understand breastfeeding is better for the baby but in my situation I was not prepared to subject my baby to the medication I take on the hope that wasn't going to harm him.
Joo take no notice! like others have said some people just like to speak before they think.I bf dd & she has eczema had been diagnosed with asthma (although drs have changed their mind now??) so I think it really doesn't make any sense I bf so she wouldn't get these conditions & yet out of friends who bottle fed she's the worst go figure! your dammed if you do dammed if you don't although that seems to be a common trend with being a mammy! xoxo
willywonka - I actually wrote: "I understand that medically some women are unable to - but the stats for being medically unable to are an incredibly low % (have heard 3% but don't quote me on that)."
So I did say don't quote me on it Also, I was actually backing those women who medically cannot breastfeed as, personally, this is the only situation I believe you cannot judge (those and the 'tried and couldn't' ladies as at least you tried!). I was just pointing out that those that medically are unable to are in the low % of non-breastfeeders. In your situation - I totally agree it isn't worth the risk and although perhaps medically you could BF - I would absolutely class it as a medical reason for also not trying (due to your medication)
I dont judge.... its none of my business how anyone choses to feed their baby
HOWEVER, i dont really understand those who dont even try it (obviously those who cant because of medical reasons its different) I dont understand how u can diss something you've not even tried.
I once knew someone who didnt breastfeed because she wanted other people to be able to help with night feeds. I thought it was a shame she didnt even try.
*However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead.*
What an offensive viewpoint! What would you have done if you hadn't been able to express? That's something I never managed to do, tried manual and electric pumps and could never get more than 1oz in a full day of trying. Luckily my LO was able to latch on ok eventually, but if he'd been unable to, then I would fall into your black and white 'tried and failed' camp. I bf for 18 months and I find your comment absolutely offensive and hurtful so god only knows how you have made others who 'tried and failed' feel. I also had mastitis and my nipples were in agony for nearly 3 whole months, my supply was never great and my poor little boy was not getting sufficient milk - it was torture and in the end I started mix feeding at around 4 months with the result of a much happier mummy and more importantly, a happier baby. It was sheer determination that kept me going. If I had given up at 4 months instead of trying mixed feeding, would you still judge me for that and deem me a 'failure'? Unbelievable.
No I don't judge people for not wanting to BF, I think it's a personal choice and believe that people can make their own decisions.
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
i really dont know how you could judge a 'FAILED' breast feeder, i expressed and could get not more than 2-5mls every 2 hours, would this have sustained my baby??? i DID fail and yes i do feel bad about it, should i have carried on like this??
I posted this in pregnancy too but i just want to know for all those who say they dont judge people who cant due to medical reasons just people who dont try, how exactly do you know the difference? For example 2 ladies in your maternity ward are ff, one due to medical reasons the other because she has chose not too. Which one is which? The answer is you cant tell.
I am sorry I caused offence, I was merely offering my opinion on the subject and being completely honest. I don't believe that we have to justify our actions or our opinions, it's what makes us all individuals.
MummyJoo - I am truly sorry that my post upset you so much, it really wasn't meant to. You obviously had a medical reason that caused you to have no milk, which is a totally different matter. For those with tongue tie, IMO EBM is a perfectly good option rather than resorting to FF straight away.
Failed was perhaps the wrong choice of word, I see it more as giving up. As I bottle feed my LO EBM people think I'm FF'ing and judge me for it but do you know what, that's fine by me. What counts at the end of the day is what you are happy with doing yourself and whatever that may be right for you, is right for you. OP asked for opinions and I was just partaking in a healthy debate xx
I don't tend to judge strangers, i don't know their story or circumstances, however i do judge family and friends who don't bf for trivial reasons. I have one cousin who didnt bf because she thought it gaves her the creeps and another cousin who had a terrible premature birth and couldn't bf even although she had her heart set on it. She would have given anything to be in the situation of my other cousin and be able to attempt to bf. I would never judge someone if i didnt know their circumstances. Hope this gets across what i am trying to say and doesnt offend!
piggypops you don't have to apologies! Your right people saying they don't judge however they don't understand people who don't try or they didn't walk over hot coals while bf their baby in a gale force storm then failed??! so in fact you DO JUDGE! honestly put 100 babies into a room would anyone be able to pick out bf babies? NO! as long as our babies are healthy happy who cares weather they are bf or formula its very much PERSONAL CHOICE! xo
No I don't judge people for not wanting to BF, I think it's a personal choice and believe that people can make their own decisions.
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
Well you did offend me and many others. How can you say that its ok not bother, but when you do try ( and try your damned bloody hardest!) and it doesn't work out that somehow its worse?!
After I had my son, he woke crying in the hospital. I was so out of of it after five days in labour that I didn't have a clue what do to. A snotty midwife had a go at me, and rammed a bottle of formula in his gob without even asking! Because I couldn't eat or drink for those days my milk never came in properly so he would have literally starved if I had not continued with the formula. I expressed every hour for weeks and put him to the breast constantly but bfing just wasn't going to happen. So if you think I have failed then so be it. Hope you have a great day because you have just made me feel like sh*t
I ff my dd and she is happy and thriving, I made the choice not to bf. My mum has breast cancer and it affected me badly I felt and still feel funny about my breasts after this, I don't particularly care if people finds this a stupid reason and I don't care if I am judged at the end of the day it was my choice and I don't believe it would have strengthened my bond any with my daughter. My mil and sil judged me for not bf but I am so used to them judging me anyway that I took no notice. I didnt have any judgement from mw's at all, they told me the benefits of bf and then said it was my choice. I actually found that most of the judgement was on here, no offence to any ladies, but the girls in my born in Nov group were fantastic and supportive. You have a medical reason not to bf, don't feel you need to justify yourself to anyone and I don't believe we should judge on how another mum feeds, what's the difference it is their choice and their baby, as long as they are both happy what business is it of anyone else.
Replies
I have had countless people say to me (including people I don't even know), if you want him to sleep better give him formula/is he getting enough/should he be feeding so often/are you going to breastfeed for much longer.
A friend of mine was heavily pregnant and I asked her if she was planning to breastfeed as I had an unopened tube of Lansinoh (explained this to her and how it was a lifesaver to me) and she said to me "Oh no, why would I want a baby LETCHING and HANGING off my boob?". Needless to say, I haven't had much contact with her since her baby has been born.
I think breastfeeding should be promoted more and there should be a lot more support for mum's who choose to breastfeed.
I fully intended to bf but after a quite traumatic birth my son could just not latch on. I had midwives just pulling on my nipples and trying to put them in my son's mouth while he was screaming. I even spent 3 days in hospital with a feeding support lady doing the same to me.
In the end I had to give him formula along with expressed milk, I did this for a while but my supply obviously suffered.
What I do wish is that I had better support from midwives etc as all as they did was try to force my boobs into his mouth. They offered no real advice on helping with latching and just told me some babies couldn't do it.
Looking back I wish I'd demanded to see a bf counsellor or something but being a new, overwhelmed Mum I just didn't.
I have been so upset at times that I haven't done it but at least I did express for a few weeks so he did get some.
I still get upset with myself now when people ask if I bf or ff but my son is healthy and that's all that matters
I'm super sensitive about not being able to BF Tobes, especially as he's now constantly ill and I just *know* some people around me are thinking "well it's 'cos you didn't BF him".
Just wanted to say try and ignore it and just know you're doing what cloclo said a bit further up - feeding, loving & caring for your LO regardless of whether its feeding them boob or bottle. Yeah Tobes IS poorly a lot - but he's also one of the happiest babies ever born ever!
Big hugs for you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[Modified by: MummyJoo on June 28, 2010 04:13 PM]
I am on tablets for a bowel disease, I have to take 8 a day, when I was pregnant I had to reduce my dose to 4 to minimise the amount being passed to my baby. There are no studies into the long term effect that this drug has on babies being passed through the breast milk and I was told it was my decision whether I want to breastfeed or not. So although "medically" I could have, I was not prepared to risk that in a few years time it might become apparent that this drug has harmful effects on babies and suffer the consequences.
I understand breastfeeding is better for the baby but in my situation I was not prepared to subject my baby to the medication I take on the hope that wasn't going to harm him.
"I understand that medically some women are unable to - but the stats for being medically unable to are an incredibly low % (have heard 3% but don't quote me on that)."
So I did say don't quote me on it
Also, I was actually backing those women who medically cannot breastfeed as, personally, this is the only situation I believe you cannot judge (those and the 'tried and couldn't' ladies as at least you tried!). I was just pointing out that those that medically are unable to are in the low % of non-breastfeeders. In your situation - I totally agree it isn't worth the risk and although perhaps medically you could BF - I would absolutely class it as a medical reason for also not trying (due to your medication)
Hope that clears it up
[Modified by: Mrs PP84 on June 28, 2010 05:03 PM]
HOWEVER, i dont really understand those who dont even try it (obviously those who cant because of medical reasons its different) I dont understand how u can diss something you've not even tried.
I once knew someone who didnt breastfeed because she wanted other people to be able to help with night feeds. I thought it was a shame she didnt even try.
What an offensive viewpoint! What would you have done if you hadn't been able to express? That's something I never managed to do, tried manual and electric pumps and could never get more than 1oz in a full day of trying. Luckily my LO was able to latch on ok eventually, but if he'd been unable to, then I would fall into your black and white 'tried and failed' camp.
I bf for 18 months and I find your comment absolutely offensive and hurtful so god only knows how you have made others who 'tried and failed' feel.
I also had mastitis and my nipples were in agony for nearly 3 whole months, my supply was never great and my poor little boy was not getting sufficient milk - it was torture and in the end I started mix feeding at around 4 months with the result of a much happier mummy and more importantly, a happier baby. It was sheer determination that kept me going. If I had given up at 4 months instead of trying mixed feeding, would you still judge me for that and deem me a 'failure'?
Unbelievable.
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
i really dont know how you could judge a 'FAILED' breast feeder, i expressed and could get not more than 2-5mls every 2 hours, would this have sustained my baby??? i DID fail and yes i do feel bad about it, should i have carried on like this??
MummyJoo - I am truly sorry that my post upset you so much, it really wasn't meant to. You obviously had a medical reason that caused you to have no milk, which is a totally different matter. For those with tongue tie, IMO EBM is a perfectly good option rather than resorting to FF straight away.
Failed was perhaps the wrong choice of word, I see it more as giving up. As I bottle feed my LO EBM people think I'm FF'ing and judge me for it but do you know what, that's fine by me. What counts at the end of the day is what you are happy with doing yourself and whatever that may be right for you, is right for you. OP asked for opinions and I was just partaking in a healthy debate xx
Lx
However, I do judge people who have tried and failed. I just HATE to hear people say, he couldn't latch on, I didn't have enough milk, blah, blah. My LO couldn't latch on, didn't get enough milk, so I expressed instead. We gradually built up my supply so after about 2 weeks, we didn't need any formula at all and I'm still going 6 1/2 months down the line. While I feel sorry I am unable to BF, it feels good knowing that I've given my LO the best start in life.
Don't mean to offend but it really gets irritates me xx
Well you did offend me and many others. How can you say that its ok not bother, but when you do try ( and try your damned bloody hardest!) and it doesn't work out that somehow its worse?!
After I had my son, he woke crying in the hospital. I was so out of of it after five days in labour that I didn't have a clue what do to. A snotty midwife had a go at me, and rammed a bottle of formula in his gob without even asking! Because I couldn't eat or drink for those days my milk never came in properly so he would have literally starved if I had not continued with the formula. I expressed every hour for weeks and put him to the breast constantly but bfing just wasn't going to happen. So if you think I have failed then so be it. Hope you have a great day because you have just made me feel like sh*t
Cat xxx
You have a medical reason not to bf, don't feel you need to justify yourself to anyone and I don't believe we should judge on how another mum feeds, what's the difference it is their choice and their baby, as long as they are both happy what business is it of anyone else.