From another "failed" breastfeeder, I do feel judged, yes. Some of the comments on here show it in plain black and white. I tried to bf my little lady for 3 weeks. And no, she wouldn't latch, and no, I didn't make enough milk. I expressed every 2 hours for weeks and only managed to get an ounce a time. I went to bf-ing workshops and got made to feel like crap, snubbed by some of the other mothers, had my boobs manhandled in public and my little girl came out drenched in sweat from the stress. I watched my little girl suffer through feeding attempts every 2-3 hours for 3 whole weeks and decided enough was enough for both. I am proud of my attempts and don't consider myself a failure at all. I am a mother trying to do the best for my child, and she is happy, healthy and growing into a gorgeous little chubby. When I switched to formula, I had to make peace with my decision after feeling so sad at not managing to bf after all my attempts. I don't care if certain people HATE to hear my exuses for failing. They are very real. Sorry, but some comments have really got me mad! I think I don't need to elaborate! On the other hand, it is very interesting how a lot of bf-ing mums want to know the reasons why a ff-ing mum chooses formula, and a few have said it on here. Personally, I don't care why a bf-ing mum has that choice, so I don't understand the need for ff-ing mums to justify their reasons either: Each to their own, I say! xx
I also was really offended and upset by Lawso's comment.
I tried expressing every 2 hours, day and night for the 8 days i was in my local hospital, tried Abi at the breast at every feed, with and without nipple shields, with drs and midwives helping, people from Neo-natal Outreach trying to help.
Abi was too weak to latch properly, my bp meds drastically reduced my milk, there were a lot of stressful issues going on at home and it was getting to the point where if she wasnt going to breastfeed, i either needed to get her bottlefeeding or take her home with her naso-gastric tube in place and learn how to remove and reinsert them. I was willing to do whatever it took to get her development moving and keep her healthy. I'm sure any mother feels the same but especially those who had preemie babies - your whole determination goes into getting them stronger and feeding well. Even if what is best for them isnt what you had originally planned. Hell, i had refused during the whole pregnancy to buy anything bottlefeeding related!!! I didnt even have a breastpump or steriliser as i was so determined i was going to breastfeed.
Actually though, i lied. I did judge one woman in hospital........this was due to her being quite proud of the fact that her baby was ONLY withdrawing from Methadone and not Herion as her older child had had to do. Even though she had been told by the docs to ff as she was still on Methadone and was not exactly hiding the fact she was also still using, she insisted on bf!!
I was in Ikea a few months ago and went and sat in the nursing area to give Abi her bottle and a couple of mothers turned up after me, it had been empty when i got there, started bf their babies and very rudely asked me to sit elsewhere as they found it offensive that i was bottlefeeding!!
Actually though, i lied. I did judge one woman in hospital........this was due to her being quite proud of the fact that her baby was ONLY withdrawing from Methadone and not Herion as her older child had had to do. Even though she had been told by the docs to ff as she was still on Methadone and was not exactly hiding the fact she was also still using, she insisted on bf!!
She was right to be proud, committing and sticking to a methadone programme is an acheivement. She was also right to bf, she was given poor advice by doctors, methadone is compatible with breastfeeding, and studies have shown better outcomes for babies breastfed by mothers using methadone than those fed formula from birth.
Piggypops, Mummycat and all you girls who tried at bf'ing and weren't successful, I would just like to tell you that Lawso's sentiments are not shared by all bf'ing mums.
I often read your stories and think 'there but for the grace of God go I' because I had a few very difficult weeks establishing bf'ing - and I got through it with incredible support from a mw (just one, the rest were pretty poor), who showed me how to latch on properly, an abundant supply of breastmilk which meant ds got a good feed even when not latched properly, and a very supportive hubby!
Anyhow I don't think anyone should feel guilty as long as baby is loved, fed and cared for.
I only managed to BF for 3 weeks and it was 3 weeks of hell, I was in so much pain every time that I was screaming, stamping my feet and crying. I dreaded every feed. I tried everything but I was getting more and more depressed that when I stopped and started expressing it was like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders and both me and LO were so much happier. LO is now 100% FF and I regret not being able to BF for longer as it was all I had considered doing, I hadn't even though about FF. I went through a period of serious guilt when we started formula but she's thriving on it and I shouldn't have really worried so much.
So anyway when I see mothers who are successfully breast feeding I actually feel incredibly jealous that they have been able to do it. I don't judge anyone either way especially as I've been through the agony of desperately trying and not being able to continue. x x
i really thought that bf would be easy and that i would have no probs - big boobs and all!
But after 5 days of hell - being attacehd to various different pumps - toby have a tongue tie cut - various health care assistants squeezing my boobs and lots of tears it just didnt happen. NO BL**DY milk.
At 2am i rang hubby in tears and he said for christ sake just give toby a bottle. There were a couple of mw who were annoyed with me and made their feelings very clear but i am so glad i stopped at this point as the milk never came in - not a drop - zip zadda - i was pretty upset and would have loved to even if only for a day - and to be honest it was such a traumatic experience (the 3.5 day labour followed byecsection was easier) if we have another i really dont think i would even try.
I take my hat off to all BF and think they are amazing but to judge those who dont is very unfair
Well I'm just a crap mammy then because I never tried to breastfeeding and never had any intention too. My LO was always going to be formula fed for the word go, and no I don't have any medical reason not to have even attempted it.
I made the decision that was best for me and baby and I stand by it no matter what anyone else thinks. My little girl is a very happy and healthy baby and that's all that matters to me so sod what anyone else thinks!
I would never judge anyone for how they choose but I especially think judging those who tried and 'failed' is pathetic. They did not fail they did the best for their baby and I think it's really unfair and rather pathetic to judge that of all things! And I hope the people who did just that feel so ashamed at the way they've made a lot of mummies on here feel tonight! Especially some of my lovely born in forum girls!!!!!!!! Please refrain from upsetting my friends who are exceptionally good mummies!
Mummy and emmy lee I agree. I wouldn't judge you for a second, just like I hope to god nobody will judge me if I try and can't do it. That's all we need! I like a good old debate but sometimes things can be said that are hurtful, and I don't agree with them. X
Oh dear, I'm genuinely sorry for causing so much upset. These are my opinions and I've just been my honest self. If truth be known I should never have replied because I'm not a BF'ing mummy.
Please don't take my comments to heart, if you don't like them, just ignore them. All that counts is what you feel and bugger what anyone else says.
I won't comment further to avoid any more offence but will say once again, I am sorry for any hurt caused and do wish you all well xx
I agree with Coco in a way, if you medically able to breastfeed why not at least give it ago, no messing around with bottles and sterlising, its on tap whenever baby wants it. Luke is 10 months this Friday and he still has 3 bf each day.
Hi, I think each to their own. I bf and found it amazingly easy with both los. Only thing is I am tied down as my 7 mth refuses bottles and won't wean so there are down sides. Also the number of comments re bf in public are prob the same as bottle feeding and even my oh tried to get me to change over to ff to make life easier! Ha. With a toddler running about and spending hours bf I still want to give my baby what I can. Those who ff have their reasons and are still good mummies and doing everything right for their baby. As are bf mummies. I think we are all equal and have to learn as we go. But if you can I do think it is worth a try and then you can decide either way. Otherwise do what you want and need to do so that your baby is happy and healthy x
i believe that a mother is someone who loves a baby, clothe them and feed them, does not matter what it is, i couldn't breastfeed with my two children, i tried and it did not work so i moved on to sma and did what a mother should do xxx
Again how do you know if someone is unable to bf for medical reasons? You cant say you only judge those who dont for medical reasons as you actually cant tell, if you met me you would never know there was a reason I couldn't bf.
lawso - I have never found your comments offensive and I truely believe you didnt mean to cause offense with your post. You have apologised for the WAY you expressed your feelings, but not your feelings yourself, and I dont believe you should. This world is made up of a range if people with a range of views, opinions and judgements - good! Life would be boring otherwise! lol!
I am saying this coming from someone you would deam as a 'failure' too, but I want to reiterate that, while I dont agree with your opinion, I do agree with your right to express it.
Anyway, back to the OP, I dont see the point in judging to be honest. Each to their own. What bugs me is people who 'congratulate' me on feeding my twin boys exclusively for 8 weeks. I dont feel I did anything 'amazing', just what I needed to do. The feelings I had when I had to give up were immense, and took me a LONG time to come to terms with. I am dairy intollerant so dont eat dairy products (or, at a minimum) and, according to the dietician we see, this does make a difference, although it wouldnt have been a reason for me to stop feeding on its own. I will admit, I couldnt do it. I had 2 very demanding babies and I did nothing but feed (especially through their 6 week spurt) 24 hours for 3 days (and I mean 24 hours - I couldnt eat, sleep etc as I always had a baby attached, and the boys couldnt tandem feed so I was feeding for 40 mins, then the other for 40mins and by the time I finished 1, the other was ready for more)
Judge all you like, but I didnt need anyones help...I came to terms with my decision on my own, with the support of hubby and family...people may judge, but hey ho! So what!
Well my whole pregnancy I was unsure whether or not to bf or ff.
Everyone in my family was totally unsupportive of it - every single person in mine / OH family was ff - that doesn't help.
I tried to bf in that I had the similar experience to someone else, midwives just ramming my boob in baby's mouth - he wouldn't latch on, I was as I said totally unsure about bf anyway so I asked for a bottle, and was given one - no questions asked.
I don't care whether anyone bfs or ffs, whether it is for a medical reason, or not.
Someone could breastfeed for 2 years OR bottle feed from the get-go but I wouldn't judge either of them. I don't see the point - we make our own decisions in life. As a bottle feeder I was honestly never judged, or if I was I didn't know about it, at my baby group when I first went, 2 years ago, lo was 5 weeks old and the other babies were 5/6months and all exclusively bf and none of the mothers judged me, in fact one asked me how I was feeding and when I said bottle feeding she said "good choice" as she had real problems with bf, however others I know have found it very easy xx
Gemmiebaby I agree with you on what you have said with regards to Lawso, I was just about to say the same thing. I don't agree either with your opinion Lawso but we are all entitled to be honest. Gemmiebaby, what you managed was amazing in my opinion, you had TWO hungry wee boys and you bf them exclusively for 8 weeks, and I think that is definitely something to be proud of! Sorry if I've bugged you tee hee
I don't judge anyone I see bottlefeeding as like others have said I don't know their story or reasons for ff. But if it was someone I knew and they just chose not to I'm sure I would judge a little and I would almost certainly have a llittle go trying to convince them to at least try and give them the colostrum.
I do however judge the system and the (some) mw's, as someone said it is a very low % of women who actually medically can't bf yet 90% of women have given up by 6 weeks (I think thats right). If there was better support out there for all women, and not just those that are lucky enough to live in the right area or happen to have a really good hv, then many of the problems that some have with latching on or milk supply would be able to be overcome. And its a shame that those women who weren't given the help that they obviously needed and wanted feel guilty about it.
I agree with Coco about feeling a bit strange that people are supprised when you are still feeding at 6 months plus, lo is 5.5 months and we have no plans to stop bf yet so I am getting prepared for being judged about that and preparing some comebacks.
I don't judge. I always wanted to bf to 1year, but ds1 had other ideas. I bf for 9m and then had to introduce formula as he was biting. He had 1 bf a day until 10days off his 1st birthday and the other feed/s formula.
DS2 is different he doesn't really bite me (although he got teeth at 18w). He's 9m next week and he's still having 3/4 bf a day. I did introduce a bottle of formula at lunch time when he was 12weeks as he was wanting to feed from me hourly and I was shattered. Eventually that turned into his 1st pureed meal. It was hard for me emotionally to give that bottle, but he really needed it. I had a blood transfusion after ds2 birth. I was told he may want to feed frequently as my body would struggle to make really good milk as it recovered.
I LOVE bf though and I try to encourage my friends who have babies to try it, however if they really did not want to it is their choice. Everyone has different lives, different personalities. What is right for one isn't right for another. We should all give ourselves a pat on the back for doing what is best for us and our babies!
xxx
PS Sorry Gemmie, I think feeding twins exclusively is amazing. I only say that as I found bf in the early days so tough with both my boys and I had one at once! No one should have to explain their decisions to anyone. xxx
I have to say that I don't understand why anyone would see it as unnatural or not what breasts are for (Ummmm, it's exactly what they are for) but I wouldn't judge if they decided it wasn't for them.
As for me, I'm another one of those 'failed' mummies I guess who tried and didn't get past 3 weeks! I have great respect for all women who bf and will definitely try again with baby number 2 in the hopes that if we get off to a better start it will be easier to continue. I'm not even going to try and claim that I had difficulties with supply etc - my reasons were more emotional. After struggling with poor attachment (mainly due to poor support in hospital) I ended up associating every feed with a screaming baby and pain for me. I spent every feed in tears and came to the decision to stop because I thought this would do my baby far more harm (emotionally - how would you feel if your mother cried every time she fed you) than giving him formula. If that makes me a failure so be it - I prefer to see it as doing what is best for my baby's emotional well-being as well as his physical well-being.
I wouldn't judge anyone for giving it a go and stopping but like I already said I probably would judge someone who made the 'it's unnatural' type comments just because I think they are showing their ignorance and also putting other women off trying. Imagine if your friends or relatives held opinions like these and shared them with you - I'm fairly certain you might feel a little embarassed about feeding in front of them.
dylansmummy - you're very right. I have already stated my opinion based on those those that won't try even if they are 'medically' able to. I obviously couldn't tell the difference as to find out would mean to ask (unless the info was offered to me) and I think thats just rude. When I said I would silently judge (and thats just me being honest on an open honest thread then i meant when i've read of someone on a forum or have had a friend/family member say they aren't going to give it a go with no other reason then "they don't want to" or "my boobs are for me and my boyfriend"....thats when I would judge.
If I saw a baby having a bottle out in public then I would absolutely not judge as you don't know if its formula/ebm etc.....for me, its really only when someone tells me or I read about it on here that I find myself judging.
Replies
I don't care if certain people HATE to hear my exuses for failing. They are very real. Sorry, but some comments have really got me mad! I think I don't need to elaborate!
On the other hand, it is very interesting how a lot of bf-ing mums want to know the reasons why a ff-ing mum chooses formula, and a few have said it on here. Personally, I don't care why a bf-ing mum has that choice, so I don't understand the need for ff-ing mums to justify their reasons either: Each to their own, I say!
xx
I tried expressing every 2 hours, day and night for the 8 days i was in my local hospital, tried Abi at the breast at every feed, with and without nipple shields, with drs and midwives helping, people from Neo-natal Outreach trying to help.
Abi was too weak to latch properly, my bp meds drastically reduced my milk, there were a lot of stressful issues going on at home and it was getting to the point where if she wasnt going to breastfeed, i either needed to get her bottlefeeding or take her home with her naso-gastric tube in place and learn how to remove and reinsert them. I was willing to do whatever it took to get her development moving and keep her healthy. I'm sure any mother feels the same but especially those who had preemie babies - your whole determination goes into getting them stronger and feeding well. Even if what is best for them isnt what you had originally planned. Hell, i had refused during the whole pregnancy to buy anything bottlefeeding related!!! I didnt even have a breastpump or steriliser as i was so determined i was going to breastfeed.
Actually though, i lied. I did judge one woman in hospital........this was due to her being quite proud of the fact that her baby was ONLY withdrawing from Methadone and not Herion as her older child had had to do. Even though she had been told by the docs to ff as she was still on Methadone and was not exactly hiding the fact she was also still using, she insisted on bf!!
I was in Ikea a few months ago and went and sat in the nursing area to give Abi her bottle and a couple of mothers turned up after me, it had been empty when i got there, started bf their babies and very rudely asked me to sit elsewhere as they found it offensive that i was bottlefeeding!!
Actually though, i lied. I did judge one woman in hospital........this was due to her being quite proud of the fact that her baby was ONLY withdrawing from Methadone and not Herion as her older child had had to do. Even though she had been told by the docs to ff as she was still on Methadone and was not exactly hiding the fact she was also still using, she insisted on bf!!
She was right to be proud, committing and sticking to a methadone programme is an acheivement. She was also right to bf, she was given poor advice by doctors, methadone is compatible with breastfeeding, and studies have shown better outcomes for babies breastfed by mothers using methadone than those fed formula from birth.
I often read your stories and think 'there but for the grace of God go I' because I had a few very difficult weeks establishing bf'ing - and I got through it with incredible support from a mw (just one, the rest were pretty poor), who showed me how to latch on properly, an abundant supply of breastmilk which meant ds got a good feed even when not latched properly, and a very supportive hubby!
Anyhow I don't think anyone should feel guilty as long as baby is loved, fed and cared for.
xx
So anyway when I see mothers who are successfully breast feeding I actually feel incredibly jealous that they have been able to do it. I don't judge anyone either way especially as I've been through the agony of desperately trying and not being able to continue. x x
But after 5 days of hell - being attacehd to various different pumps - toby have a tongue tie cut - various health care assistants squeezing my boobs and lots of tears it just didnt happen. NO BL**DY milk.
At 2am i rang hubby in tears and he said for christ sake just give toby a bottle. There were a couple of mw who were annoyed with me and made their feelings very clear but i am so glad i stopped at this point as the milk never came in - not a drop - zip zadda - i was pretty upset and would have loved to even if only for a day - and to be honest it was such a traumatic experience (the 3.5 day labour followed byecsection was easier) if we have another i really dont think i would even try.
I take my hat off to all BF and think they are amazing but to judge those who dont is very unfair
I made the decision that was best for me and baby and I stand by it no matter what anyone else thinks. My little girl is a very happy and healthy baby and that's all that matters to me so sod what anyone else thinks!
I would never judge anyone for how they choose but I especially think judging those who tried and 'failed' is pathetic. They did not fail they did the best for their baby and I think it's really unfair and rather pathetic to judge that of all things! And I hope the people who did just that feel so ashamed at the way they've made a lot of mummies on here feel tonight! Especially some of my lovely born in forum girls!!!!!!!! Please refrain from upsetting my friends who are exceptionally good mummies!
:x
I like a good old debate but sometimes things can be said that are hurtful, and I don't agree with them. X
Please don't take my comments to heart, if you don't like them, just ignore them. All that counts is what you feel and bugger what anyone else says.
I won't comment further to avoid any more offence but will say once again, I am sorry for any hurt caused and do wish you all well xx
I am saying this coming from someone you would deam as a 'failure' too, but I want to reiterate that, while I dont agree with your opinion, I do agree with your right to express it.
Anyway, back to the OP, I dont see the point in judging to be honest. Each to their own. What bugs me is people who 'congratulate' me on feeding my twin boys exclusively for 8 weeks. I dont feel I did anything 'amazing', just what I needed to do. The feelings I had when I had to give up were immense, and took me a LONG time to come to terms with. I am dairy intollerant so dont eat dairy products (or, at a minimum) and, according to the dietician we see, this does make a difference, although it wouldnt have been a reason for me to stop feeding on its own. I will admit, I couldnt do it. I had 2 very demanding babies and I did nothing but feed (especially through their 6 week spurt) 24 hours for 3 days (and I mean 24 hours - I couldnt eat, sleep etc as I always had a baby attached, and the boys couldnt tandem feed so I was feeding for 40 mins, then the other for 40mins and by the time I finished 1, the other was ready for more)
Judge all you like, but I didnt need anyones help...I came to terms with my decision on my own, with the support of hubby and family...people may judge, but hey ho! So what!
Everyone in my family was totally unsupportive of it - every single person in mine / OH family was ff - that doesn't help.
I tried to bf in that I had the similar experience to someone else, midwives just ramming my boob in baby's mouth - he wouldn't latch on, I was as I said totally unsure about bf anyway so I asked for a bottle, and was given one - no questions asked.
I don't care whether anyone bfs or ffs, whether it is for a medical reason, or not.
Someone could breastfeed for 2 years OR bottle feed from the get-go but I wouldn't judge either of them. I don't see the point - we make our own decisions in life. As a bottle feeder I was honestly never judged, or if I was I didn't know about it, at my baby group when I first went, 2 years ago, lo was 5 weeks old and the other babies were 5/6months and all exclusively bf and none of the mothers judged me, in fact one asked me how I was feeding and when I said bottle feeding she said "good choice" as she had real problems with bf, however others I know have found it very easy xx
Gemmiebaby, what you managed was amazing in my opinion, you had TWO hungry wee boys and you bf them exclusively for 8 weeks, and I think that is definitely something to be proud of! Sorry if I've bugged you tee hee
I do however judge the system and the (some) mw's, as someone said it is a very low % of women who actually medically can't bf yet 90% of women have given up by 6 weeks (I think thats right). If there was better support out there for all women, and not just those that are lucky enough to live in the right area or happen to have a really good hv, then many of the problems that some have with latching on or milk supply would be able to be overcome. And its a shame that those women who weren't given the help that they obviously needed and wanted feel guilty about it.
I agree with Coco about feeling a bit strange that people are supprised when you are still feeding at 6 months plus, lo is 5.5 months and we have no plans to stop bf yet so I am getting prepared for being judged about that and preparing some comebacks.
DS2 is different he doesn't really bite me (although he got teeth at 18w). He's 9m next week and he's still having 3/4 bf a day. I did introduce a bottle of formula at lunch time when he was 12weeks as he was wanting to feed from me hourly and I was shattered. Eventually that turned into his 1st pureed meal. It was hard for me emotionally to give that bottle, but he really needed it.
I had a blood transfusion after ds2 birth. I was told he may want to feed frequently as my body would struggle to make really good milk as it recovered.
I LOVE bf though and I try to encourage my friends who have babies to try it, however if they really did not want to it is their choice. Everyone has different lives, different personalities. What is right for one isn't right for another. We should all give ourselves a pat on the back for doing what is best for us and our babies!
xxx
PS Sorry Gemmie, I think feeding twins exclusively is amazing. I only say that as I found bf in the early days so tough with both my boys and I had one at once! No one should have to explain their decisions to anyone. xxx
As for me, I'm another one of those 'failed' mummies I guess who tried and didn't get past 3 weeks! I have great respect for all women who bf and will definitely try again with baby number 2 in the hopes that if we get off to a better start it will be easier to continue. I'm not even going to try and claim that I had difficulties with supply etc - my reasons were more emotional. After struggling with poor attachment (mainly due to poor support in hospital) I ended up associating every feed with a screaming baby and pain for me. I spent every feed in tears and came to the decision to stop because I thought this would do my baby far more harm (emotionally - how would you feel if your mother cried every time she fed you) than giving him formula. If that makes me a failure so be it - I prefer to see it as doing what is best for my baby's emotional well-being as well as his physical well-being.
I wouldn't judge anyone for giving it a go and stopping but like I already said I probably would judge someone who made the 'it's unnatural' type comments just because I think they are showing their ignorance and also putting other women off trying. Imagine if your friends or relatives held opinions like these and shared them with you - I'm fairly certain you might feel a little embarassed about feeding in front of them.
When I said I would silently judge (and thats just me being honest on an open honest thread
If I saw a baby having a bottle out in public then I would absolutely not judge as you don't know if its formula/ebm etc.....for me, its really only when someone tells me or I read about it on here that I find myself judging.
PP84 x