soooo fed up! Please offer me some advice!!

hi my youngest is now just over 3 weeks old and this is the first time i've had to ask for some advice. The problem is that she just won't settle at night lately once she wakes, i can't get her back to sleep unless i hold her or she falls asleep at the breast. I have tried swadling her but she doesn't like her hands restricted, i try leaving her to get herself off which sometimes happens but until she falls asleep she throws herself about and makes this really annoying noise-i've left her for about half hour before and that noise just keeps me and hubby awake and she obviously isn't asleep. Sometimes it is because she has wind but she is now doing it every time i try to put her down. As she seemed most settled when she was on the breast i tried a dummy but she doesn't like it. My husband can't sleep when she is making all that noise so i am practically sleeping downstairs but i hate holding her all the time because i don't want her to get used to it and then never fall asleep on her own. She is tiny-she was 4lb 14oz when she was born 4 weeks early and i know she probably just likes me holding her as its most comfortable and soothing but i'm not getting any sleep and i have 2 year old daughter aswell to get up with in the morning. My oldest daughter Emma slept very well from the start, the only thing i had to do with her as she was also tiny (induced early for both) was put a carrycot which i had with my old travel system inside the moses basket for the first couple of weeks as it was slimmer and she was a lot more snug in there but i don't have that carrycot anymore and i don't think it would help because as soon as i put Sophie down she wakes up anyway.
I am so sorry for the rant but she has now started doing this in the day aswell-except then i just have to leave her as i am running around after Emma and obviously the noise she makes isn't as annoying then!

It is now almost 2.45 and i have been up with Sophie since 1, i know that when i go back to bed and try to put her down she will wake up again-work herself up and end up getting hungry again and i'll have to feed her to settle her down!!
Any advice or even just someone telling me they are having the same problem would be much appreciated.
sorry again for the long post xxx