how long can you....

how long can you let a baby cry for before picking them up?

Jessica is 18 days old. she does suffer from trapped wind so at the mo shes on the infacol.
after her nighttime feeds me and hubby have trouble winding her. can be trying for 30 mins even longer.
when we do manage to get a burp out of her and we put her down in crib all sleepy, she starts crying. i try to leave her but not sure how long for.

help! :cry:


  • At six weeks, we had to let Ruby 'cry it out' in her moses basket as she would not sleep in there at all and after weeks of letting her sleep in our bed, we knew we had no choice.
    She cried for about an hour and a quarter for 3 nights, EACH time I put her down after a feed and then it calmed down.
    We have had sleep problems ever since but generally, she never cries for more than about 20 minutes now (if she is in a strop!) but most of the time, not at all! However, occasionally she will try it on and we had another hour and a quarter just a few weeks back!
    The HV and Doctor told me that a baby will generally not cry for more than an hour and a half. As long as there is nothing else wrong obviously (winding, feeeding, nappy, right temperature etc...).
    It's awful but definitely worth it in the end, although 18 days is very young. My HV told me to do it when Ruby was just 2 weeks old though. I just couldn't though!
    It depends how strong you are hun, it is so hard to let them cry, even now Ruby is 6 months old on Wednesday and I find it so so hard to let her cry!
    I hope you get it sorted and I have helped a little.
  • thanks. did you pick ruby up during her crying periods?
  • I personally don't like leaving young babies to cry for long periods of time. I left mine for a maximum of 5 mins when she was the same age. However, when I went to her I didn't pick her up, I would stroke her head and talk quietly to her until she calmed down then leave her again and keep repeating for as long as necessary. I know some people like the controlled crying method but I think your lo may be too young for it.
    I know it's really hard as for the first 6 weeks Poppy hardly slept at all, she had really bad colic & reflux and would sleep for 10 mins at a time during the day. She only woke at night every 3.5 hours to be fed but it would take well over an hour to settle her each time.
    My mum told me never to put her to bed when she was already asleep - it was the best piece of advice I received as now when she does wake, she settles herself within a couple of mins.
    I hope you get it sorted soon.
  • As soon as I hear either of mine cry, I'll leave them about 30 seconds, no longer than that. Depends on type of cry though as there a few different ones. Have had no problems with Kelsie when ever she cries, people told me to leave her because if I go to her she'll become clingy and not go to bed very well. B*****ks to be honest. It upsets me hearing them cry and I could never do it!

    Go with your heart thought honey, if your heart is telling you to pick her up then I would. Follow your insticnt. Better to have a child who knows that their mummy will come when they need/want something that a chld who grows up to think that mummy ignores them and doesn't come.


  • Personally I wouldn't let a newborn cry, she is still very young and only just adjusting to life on the 'outside', she is so used to being curled up in mum's tummy that she is going to cry every so often and want cuddles, it's normal, the older they are the longer they can spend on their own as a general rule ... 'controlled crying' as it is called is more for babies with long term sleep problems ...who are over 6 months as well. Not saying you should never let her cry for a bit while you have something to do, just that crying for long periods is unnesessery really unless its unavoidable!
  • I'm with the majority I think! She is still only very tiny so personally I wouldn't leave her to cry at all unless it is unavoidable. You can still teach her to fall asleep by herself, by sitting with her and comforting her like Donna says, I also agree that if you can it is a really good idea to put her in her bed awake so she learns to fall asleep there. We did that with Barney (my 2nd) from birth, and I am pleased to say that we have never had any problems with his sleeping, very different from his big sister who was cuddled/fed to sleep and didn't sleep well untill I got tough when she was about 7 months!!
  • I never left mine to cry when they were tiny.

    If you have covered all options and are at the end of your tether then leaving them sometimes can be the only option. But I wouldn't recommend it too often.

    Controlled crying is about a method of getting a baby to sleep on their own and you are just teaching them to fall asleep on their own ,but it is only for when they are older I would say between 6-9 months ?

    With this method you keep going back to the baby and comforting them every 2 - 5 mins not leaving them for long periods.

    The pick up put down method is also a kinder way to do it.

    But the best bit of advice is to get them falling asleep on their own.I found patting my lo when she was really tiny was very effective way of calming and getting her off to sleep in her moses basket.

    Good luck
  • I never left cameron to cry it out either when he was tiny. I read in my Jo Frost confident baby care that controlled crying should not be used on babies under 6 months as it can cause long term emotional issues. a newborn baby can never have too many cuddles and although its a pain in the arse to be up all night its part and parcel of having a newborn baby.
    when he was tiny i would cuddle him to sleep but once he was about 8-10 weeks he went in his own room and settled himself. i would leave him whinging for up to 10 mins but if he ever started bawling i would go in and comfort him. but i never pick him up once he's in bed..unless he's pooed or something. im lucky though that he is more of a whinger than a cryer.
  • I read the Jo Frost book too and it was the best one I read!
  • thanks. i think ill try letting her cry for about 2-3 mins then pick her up.
  • Just try talking to her gently and stroking her head - that's very calming and may help rather than picking her up. If she doesn't settle then pick her up and give her a hug and put her back when she's calmed down.
    Best of luck
  • We found letting Faye cry without being seen to would get her into such a state she would fill herself with air which caused a whole load of other problems we could have done without!! Even now at 10 wks she is only ever left for a couple of minutes before being seen too, once she reaches the point of no return its very difficult to 'talk her back down' again
  • I'm with the not letting them cry boat while they are tiny. That being said there will always be the times when you can only do so much. Driving home, on a bus, in the middle of a shower with shampoo in your hair, the middle of a smear test... lol.... I sang, very terribly, to mine and that seemed to help when I couldn't pick them up and often wasn't in direct line of sight either. It will ease gradually as she feels more confident, but it's a big scary world when you have never seen anything before, and you couldn't run away if something scared you. Have you tried a baby sling? Lots of ladies on here swear by them.

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