Back to work

XTinksX · Jun 27, 2010 3:22AM

I'm back to work in 5 weeks and will be leaving my 5 month old boy with his daddy full time. Whilst I'm glad I dont need to worry about him settling into childcare just yet I am so upset and really quite jealous of my husband. I'm the breadwinner so there really isn't an option and it's bad enough losing his income, which just really wasn't worth it for the nursery costs.

I've just been informed that when I return I am being sent put to a different hospital on rotation for 6 months. It's a fair commute so I basically won't see my boy mon-fri (sometimes sat too) as I will be gone before he wakes and back after bed. I am beyond gutted it is all I can think of. It also means that I will have to take our car as it's too far for my husband to drop me off which leaves him with no car most of the week. Part of me just wishes I hadn't bothered with a career at all then I wouldn't feel bad about giving up work and enjoying bringing up my family.

I guess this is how many dads feel who work long hours and don't see their kids. Is anyone else in that position and how do you feel?

[Modified by: missusbee on 21 June 2010 16:22:46 ]

[Modified by: missusbee on 21 June 2010 16:26:11 ]

piggypops · Jun 21, 2010 11:34AM

i just wanted to say have you spoken to a union about this to make sure they are allowed, if you have 6 months off they have to give your your old post, its only after that they can offer a different one or is rotation part of your job spec?

XTinksX · Jun 21, 2010 12:16PM

Thanks Hun but rotations are part of my training programme. We go out for two 6 month periods in 5 years. I've already been out once and I only did 18 months before my maternity leave. I just think the timing is really quite cruel of them, I will miss out on so many firsts before he is one year old

lurker10 · Jun 21, 2010 3:47PM

Oh poor you! I totally understand although am not in such a difficult position as you. I have to go back to work full time because my work have refused to let me work part time. I am a Solicitor so that kind of career doesn't lend itself well to working reduced hours. When I was pregnant I never thought it would be that hard but now the date is fast approaching for me to go back to work and i just want to cry all the time. My lo is 11months old (I took the whole year off) and he is just getting really interesting. He's doing lots of 'first' things and I'm petrified I'm going to miss him walk for the first time. It annoys me that you get encouraged all the way to be career driven but it really isn't possible once you have a family. I also find that I'm just not as interested in work as I used to be. I'm hoping that will change! I have little advice, only that he is so young that he won't remember you being busy at work. How long is this working pattern likely to go on for? I think once he's a few years old and starts to really realise you're not around is perhaps when you could reconsider your options (if there are any??) Thinking of you and hoping it goes better than you expect. I'm sure you'll just spend real quality time with him at the weekends. And don't worry he'll still know you're his mummy and will love you just the same!
N

XTinksX · Jun 27, 2010 3:05AM

Thanks nina, it's nice to know someone is feeling the same.

It's now only 4 weeks til I return, I can't believe how fast that time will fly. I am starting to get teary and emotional a lot of the time now. I am so envious of those that have the option of a longer maternity leave or to be a sahm. I feel I have been really short changed with my 6 months off and it seems everyone around me has been able to take a year.

I agree with what you say about being encouraged to work hard and have a career. It seems unfair that women who have worked hard are the ones that are unable to take any time out to raise a family. Being a mammy has always been the most important 'job' to me and I dedicated myself to my career so I could provide the best I could for them. Now it grates on me that these 6 months may be the only length of time I have with him whilst he is growing up.

I don't feel I can talk to my husband as I don't want him to think I'm blaming him for not having a career and therefore not being the one who can go out and work. Noone else seems to understand how I feel, my parents can't seem to see why I can't wait to go back to work.

I just think if I were placed at the local hospital it would make the transition a lot easier, I.e. My hubby and son could drive me to and from work, keep the car and I would get an hour with him before bed through the week. My worst fear is him waking up to me once or twice a week and screaming for his dad as he doesn't recognise me.

[Modified by: missusbee on June 27, 2010 08:13 AM]

PrincessAndPuppy · Jun 27, 2010 3:22AM

Hi miss, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Even though it's part of your contract, I'm sure as soon as you are a parent you do have the right to request other options? Maybe you can say that because of the commute you won't see your baby and it's stressing you to the point of tears, they may reconsider..after all a happy worker makes a better job

I'm planning on telling my boss that I want away early because even though the nursery is open till 6, I would hit rush hour traffic on the bus with him (I know the bus!!!) and his bedtime is at 7 so I'd need to feed him bath him and give him his bottle in 15mins!! Plus, he'd be more likely to sleep in the bus and then not go to bed till 9! Haha

but anyway, what I'm getting at is circumstances change, and it's not like you're refusing to work, just requesting a different hospital. Is there someone you can switch with? X

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